Should make me admit I’m broken

OMG. Wowowowoowowowow! A person I went to high school with is now an executive producer at MSNBC! **Dies** (When nothing is on -90% of the time- I have my TV on MSNBC). Anyways she is an awesome person. I’m so happy for her. She just started last month! How cool is that?

I knew she would do big things. She is so smart. During senior year we were in AP English together. Also during that same year she stood up and applauded for me during an event when no one else would. I was an outcast. I’m getting teary eyed thinking about how great she is. We were never friends but she was ALWAYS nice to me.

I cannot overstate how thrilled I am for her. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Love her. Freaking Awesome!


Perhaps I have traveled to new lows? Is that possible? I just started watching Big Brother Australia 2013. I’m on episode 4. It started at the end of July so I’m late. Anyhow the show is interesting so far. It is very different than the American version. There are no alliances or strategy talks. It is a show I can watch when I’m working because I don’t really have to pay attention to the details. Anything that can help past time while I’m at work…

Big Brother seems so much bigger in other countries. In the U.S., the show has a cult like following. That is fine with me as long as CBS keeps bringing it back every summer.

By the way, I am missing football so bad. There’s a void. But the NBA season is starting in about 20 days.

I’ll sign off now before I get into family shit.

Talkin’ Smooth

I present you with the love of my life:

Yes, Rachel. She rocked it last night. I can’t believe how much I’m going to miss Big Brother…until next summer. But I’m pretty sure Rachel won’t be there. 😦 She’ll be back one summer.

I call certain people “come withs”. I’m not the most creative person so that name sucks. They are people who must go somewhere with another person. They can’t go to a movie alone, a concert, a museum, etc. I’m not at all like that and I have social anxiety! I always get a little chuckle at “normal” people not wanting to go out alone. It should be the other way around. Anyhow, I feel like some of these ‘come withs’ will just go with anyone to a movie (or whatever). They just can’t do it alone.

I don’t want to be a ‘come with’s go-to partner. NO. Partially because I’m not at all that way and I don’t fully get it. And maybe a part of me feels used. The “come with” is thinking I can’t go to ———– alone but I really, really want to go. I have to find someone who will go with me!

Um, I don’t think so.
But perhaps I am only human and I can’t always so no. FUCK. I’m not social. I want to go to museums and yoga classes. I’d even go to a coffee shop with another person at this point. Yet, I got sucked into going to an event at a CHURCH (lol) tomorrow! I soooo don’t want to go. It will be weird. I haven’t been into that kind of church since I was 5 years old! I don’t wanna! πŸ™‚

Okay, I committed so I’m going. I’m an atheist going to a church on a Friday night. WTF? I freaked out after saying yes and couldn’t work anymore. I was a wreck. I did have plans. I was going to spend all night on my homework for the week. (what fun!) I had it all planned out. Now I guess I’m doing it on Saturday, at the last minute. *Sigh*

I don’t know what else to say except I hope time flies. I said “yes”…
Something’s gotta give. I really want to travel. I’ll work hard and travel hard. But first I have to stop being a student. I also have to get certified (which is another monster). Since I went back to school, that must be completed. I would love to just go to New York on a whim but I have tuition bills. (Yes I know there are homeless people and unemployed people…)

I have the travel itch. My #1 dream place is still Mexico. I have accepted that life sucks. I just want to add an element of fun. And fun for me is mostly travel. Finish school first. Get certified. Stop bitching.

I want to go back to New York City. I’m a bad girl. Enough already.

pity party

Why is Big Brother always so good? It doesn’t end well most of the time, IMO. But the start and the middle are always good. I’m amazed the show keeps coming back. Someone besides me is watching. I’m the only person in America who is a Rachel fan. Yes she’s this and that but damn, I love me some her. πŸ™‚

Rachel. Love her!

I mowed my lawn today and I didn’t even need to. I’m so glad I didn’t know that beforehand. I learned that I can I come home from work, take a power nap and then mow the lawn. There is no reason why I have to do it right after work. Pre-Abilfy, there was no such thing as a power nap. I had to mow the lawn while I was still standing. Now I have a normal amount of energy…

Speaking of energy: I’m so glad school will be starting soon. I’ve been organizing and throwing stuff away etc. but I still have a lot of extra time. Hopefully I can focus on school and get an A in this class. This is the hardest class I’ve taken for this certificate so an A in this class would be amazing.

If I weren’t in school this fall – the horror – , I would probably consider enrolling in a pilates class I just found. It costs $200. It lasts all fall semester. However, it is twice a week. Twice a week after work is a bit much…or is it? I don’t know. I’m just glad I don’t have to find out. It sounds great though. The yoga class costs the same thing but it is only once a week. That is my kind of schedule. I’m such a homebody.
I was thinking about opening a mortgage saving account. LOL. I only have $450 in my emergency fund and I have $2500 in credit card debt (mostly due to school but still….). Ugh, I wish I could really save for a down payment for my DREAM HOUSE. I don’t have big dreams. πŸ˜‰ What I consider a dream house is a normal house for a couple making $50,000 a year (with no debt). I’m not sure I want another house. Wait, I know buying a nice house isn’t easy. I just want to point that out.

I just want something secluded. ROFL. Something less than 5 years old and somewhat secluded. The end. That sounds simple but with the way the world is going, I’d probably have to have $20k to put down. Hahahaha. Where the fuck am I suppose to get that from?

16 minutes until Big Brother. Rachel better not get evicted.

Apartment = easy living or house? It’s sorta easy. If I could get my dream house, I would choose HOUSE. Otherwise apartment. The biggest downside to an apartment is the noise. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t be in this mess now. I was sleeping in my car due to the noise and my paranoia about the uh, noise. So I brought this house in what I thought was a decent neighborhood. WRONG. This is an example of me getting in over my head.

secluded enough?

I really wish I could just live like a normal person in an apartment. I probably will attempt that despite what has happened in the past. even if I have to sleep in my car at night. An apartment is just easier to deal with…until I can get buy my dream house.

10 minutes until Big Brother comes on. Be good Rachel, my love. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I’m just a normal girl. Living a normal life. Bawahahaha.

What is this entry about?

2 minutes until Big Brother. I’m ignorning the NFL. I’m pissed at the TV schedule.