We are the ladies

I’m extremely late with this. I just saw the documentary (A)sexual. It came out in 2011. What I really want to know is why an internet site recommended this movie to me over and over until I gave in. LOL. I do watch a lot of documentaries but still…I bet Sally wouldn’t get a recommendation for an asexual doc. 😉

Here is a summary of the flick:

Facing a sex obsessed culture, a mountain of stereotypes and misconceptions, and a lack of social or scientific research, asexuals – people who experience no sexual attraction – struggle to claim their identity.

Anyhow, it is a good watch. The one thing that bothered me probably bothered the filmmaker (David Jay).

SPOILER ALERT

Basically if you are an asexual you have to put out to have a meaningful relationship. That is what stuck out to me as an asexual*. However, today I found out he has an asexual girlfriend and they want to adopt a kid. I wish that had happened in time to make it in the doc.  Also, David Jay is so attractive and outgoing. And he made a freaking asexual documentary. Hello, anyone who makes a movie will have an easier time finding a mate. BAM, THERE YOU ARE. People like me are watching and drooling. Most of the asexuals I “know” would kill just to find another human asexual. After all we are only 1% of the population.

(Still on spoiler alert)

The other thing that bugged me is the polyamory thing. I have nothing against it. If I could have roommates AKA live with other humans, I could see myself wanting this kind of lifestyle but equating it with asexuality? Um, no. In one scene David is giving a talk to a group of people about asexuality and he talks about his own poly relationships and I’m like, “Oh god no! People will get the wrong idea”. Why did he have to bring his own life into it? I think it is because he was young and just figuring things out for himself.

But people get the wrong idea about everything they don’t know about. Lord knows what people used to think about gay people (and let’s not fool ourselves, some people still think these things).

Oh and “love/sex expert” Dan Savage makes a cameo in this film. Sigh. He doesn’t get it. Finding out asexuality exist is simply comforting to people. I don’t care either way. I’ve known since I was 10 or younger that sex was not for me. I didn’t really need a name for it. I just don’t care. On the other hand, I DID need a name for social anxiety. I was 14 and felt so alone until I knew that what I had had a name. There were others like me!! Thanks to the internet. (Now I realize that I have general anxiety/PTSD but that is another story for another day). It is comforting and less isolating to know you aren’t the only one. That is what it is about Dan Savage.

I think what Dan did with It Gets Better is awesome. I don’t hate him or anything. He does meaningful work. He has saved lives.

*I’m not 100% sure I’m an asexual. I just think sex is gross. I think genitalia looks disgusting. I don’t want any um, liquids near me.  Even kissing is a turnoff for me……..Um, yeah that probably makes me asexual but not all asexuals think this way!!!

So if you want to know more about asexuality or just like documentaries, watch this film. Just ignore the ending because asexuals do not have to have sex to have meaningful relationships. It saddens me to think an asexual might feel that way. I also see how someone can come to that conclusion.

In conclusion, I don’t hate Dan Savage. I’m not against poly asexual relationships. I don’t want to have sex with anyone. Watch the movie and have a nice day. 🙂

now I’m not sure enough to be so certain

BREAKING NEWS: I think I might be open to “dating” an asexual as long as he or she (95% sure it would be a she) never wants to live together. I have never dated. Well, I’ve been on one date with a heterosexual guy about 10 years ago. LOL. It was bad. He wanted sex and a wife**** (!!!) and well, I’m not into that so…I think I like girls more. Yeah girls rock. I need to do a sexy girl post. Show off my shallow side. Just pictures of sexy women. Not that men aren’t hot. I drool over men just as much as a straight girl. NOT men that I know. Never. Or women I know for that matter.

Oops, yes I used the word “sexy” but I’m not thinking of sex. You don’t want to know what I think of sex. TMI

***I’m not wife material. I don’t clean or cook for myself. So of course I not doing it for someone else. Hilarious. I’m soooo not that. But this guy wanted that. ROFL. Me?? A wife??! UGH! I wanted to runaway as soon as I heard him say that. Dude, seriously? Plus I probably won’t do well with the whole meet the parents thing. I don’t do that stuff either. (I did try to runaway at various opportunities but couldn’t until the end…when he started talking about SEX. I’m so glad I got away. I could have had horrible sex with some guy but I didn’t. That was one thing in my life I did right. Actually I felt like I had an angel looking over me. I know if he had not left me alone for that few minutes, I would have ended up in the bed with him).

Not that I could ever be in a traditional relationship. I don’t want that at all. (see above: wife material) I don’t want anything right now. I can’t handle people right now. But I could be open to possibility of a  nontraditional “relationship” with another asexual or anything other than heterosexual. (No offense).

I think I’m going to a LGBT event in September. I have every intention on going. I want to go…I wish the lineup were better but I feel like this may be the only way to be with um, like-minded people. (???) I can’t find weird people anywhere! (except on the internet which I’m not counting). Where are they hiding? Oh god, does that sound like an insult? It is not supposed to be. I’m not a people person, never will be. But what happens if I leave my house and there are cool people around? What happens?

Will I still feel rejected and like myself? Or could it be an awakening? Damn, that Rachael Sage concert for making me believe this was possible. 😉 I’m feeling kind of out of my element right now. Asexuality/sexuality is not a big part of my life and I probably won’t blog about it anymore unless something happens.

I have my monthly therapy appointment this Friday. She knows I’m currently overwhelmed with school so she isn’t making me do much. Thanks somebody for getting it. I’ll be so glad when summer school is over. Guess what? I’m NOT going back in the Fall. YAY! 🙂 Even though I only have one (very expensive) class left to take. I get to read books for fun. That is what I really miss when I’m in school.

Of course there are other reasons why I’m not going back in the fall. $$$ being one. And work is working me. I have to work off the clock to keep up. Like I said in my last entry, I can’t take a day off for the next three months because I’m in training. This is a ton of work. It is like being in school. I’m learning a whole new system. So once school is over (in a few weeks – thank Buddha), I will be concentrating on work. Even the people who have been there years longer than I have don’t get the new system so I’m not optimistic about all this. It is really a mess.

Enough about work. Back to therapy. My therapist is always wondering how I’m supposed to meet people. If I mention the LGBT thing, she’ll be proud. We might end up talking about my nonexistent (?) ulcer or my living situation. It’s only 1 hour a month so the everything doesn’t always get covered.

I haven’t heard back from the doctor’s office. I’m feeling okay so I’m not rushing to schedule the ultra sound. I’m swamped with work and school. No time for doctor.

I mailed my short sale application on June 25. They didn’t get. !!! WTF. Do you know how much work and stress I put into that? I ignored my school work. They didn’t get it? I put $2.00 worth of postage on there. That was $1.00 too much. AHHHHH! I’m trying not to freak out about this. (good job)

Heavy Boots

Yoga wasn’t so great today. I was too self conscious so it was my fault. The neighbors are back after being gone for 3 weeks. I hate people.  I was grateful when they were gone. I said my “thank yous” daily. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I’m so not looking forward to that.

I should be working on a paper I have due but arugh school sucks. I’m being super positive in this entry. It is what I do. Edit: I just turned in the crappiest paper.

I wanted to blog about coming out as asexual. I want to believe that people don’t care. Who cares about who I’m not sleeping with? Why should it matter? And I don’t think the majority of LGBT people are familiar with asexuality. I could be really wrong about that. I’m sure they are more familiar than the rest of the population but I have a hard time believing that asexuality is seen as normal within that group.  But if I went to a meetup* of LGBT people, would  I have to explain it? I couldn’t just say “I’m asexual” like a person would say “I’m gay”. I would have to say more. And why would I want to do that?

It’s funny, I just saw a post about people not believing in bisexuality. LOL. ROFL. Are you serious??? Try asexuality!! I soooooo wanted to say that but I’m shy online too. And that would open a whole can of worms. haha. I definitely believe in bisexuality. I am attracted to people…just not sexually. I am attracted to women and men. To me that is so natural. I can’t imagine it any other way.

*about the meetup of LGBT people. I found one…sort of. It isn’t that close to me but I could go once a year. I was interested but then I saw that they went back to one of their houses after doing a few other things. That is way too formal for me. I. can’t. do. that. Go to a stranger’s house? My idea would be going to the beach (which I guess is boring because no one recommended that) or just going to museums/local attractions. I guess a restaurant has to be thrown in even though that is not my thing. I know eating out is normal so I get that. But going to a person’s house? Hell naw. 😉 Plus it seems like they already know each other….obviously. I would hate being the new person and then being asexual. O god.

I think I had a point. I guess I think sexuality is private. No one needs to know what I’m doing…or errr, not doing. I do want people to know about asexuality but not through me. However, I think if I were gay/bisexual, I would probably feel totally different. I would want to be ABLE to be out. But I’m a naturally private person anyway. (That is the reason this blog is anonymous). I don’t like people knowing much about me at all. So sexuality? Yeah, none of your business. Next.

I do want people to know that there is nothing wrong with being asexual. But asexuals are only 1% of the population according to some sources. I think it is more but whatever. So what would me being out and asexual do since I’m so shy?? It is sort of a non thing to me. I’m thinking out loud which is why this entry is all over the place. It is sort of like being an atheist. Who talks about what they don’t believe in?

I’m not really conflicted over this. I don’t have anyone to come out to. You know what really made me look into LGBT meetups? The Rachael Sage concert. The people there were totally different…in a good way. I almost felt acceptance except I wasn’t because I wasn’t really me. Does that make sense?

I think if there is one group of people for me, it would have to be LGBT people. I don’t think I fit in anywhere else. Hmmm. Just thinking.

Tomorrow I’m going to the doctor for the first time in 3 years. I shall have tales of horror to blog about after that!