Trouble swallowing my meds

My life is a shitshow. What else is there to say? It’s really bad. It just sucks. The end.

I saw two dieticians since I last posted. One didn’t know anything about gastroparesis, but seeing her was free, so not a big deal. The second dietician knows her shit, but she costs $55 per visit (I think – still waiting for the final bill). Ouch. $55? She’s good, but I don’t think anything she says is going to help me gain 20 pounds.

I have given up on getting back to my normal weight of 135 unless some kind of medication works. I just need to not go under 115 pounds. I’m already underweight for my height. Sigh.

Oh, and I finally got my labs back. My thyroid results came back abnormal, but who the fuck cares? Add that to the list. I might address that when I see my PCP in July. She sucks and is always late, so I have to take a whole day off to see her. I need a new doctor, but who has time to do that? Do I just pick someone randomly? I might do that.

I see a new psychiatrist on Friday (virtually). I hope she can get me off this anti-depressant, so I can take the medicine that might help with the gastroparesis. Whatever. Who cares? Next.

I’m financially fucked. I might see if I can sue Abilify (like many others have). Abilify is the reason why my life sucks so much right now. I hate how Americans sue people so easily, but this company fucked up my life and its in shambles because of them.

Why should I suffer for FIVE YEARS (or more) for what their medication caused? Why am I paying the price? Why? All I did was take a medication. They didn’t disclose that their medicine could cause compulsive spending until 2016 when so many people reported them. Abilify has been sued and has had to pay millions.

Is the statute of limitations a problem? Maybe. I will contact a legal service when I have the fucking time. Which is never because I’m always working to pay off the IRS and debt. All due to Abilify. Where is my debt forgiveness? I didn’t do shit to deserve all this. I just took medication.

Actually, it’s not only Abilify. If Joe Biden hadn’t come up with the bankruptcy bill, I would be fine right now. I wouldn’t have the stress. I probably wouldn’t be sick*. I might even be living alone. Thanks for nothing, Joe. Fuck him.

*The dietician did say my gastroparesis is probably due to stress which makes sense. I was doing A LOT of work in my business, and I started work in a new department. I had no air conditioner and was working in a 100-degree room. That’s when all this started.

I need a little mercy. Mercy.

I just need a break. I need one thing to go right.

This week I…

Music of the week: Mariah Carey, Joy Oladokun, Whitney Houston, Ed Sheeran, Emily Jones, JoJo, Natasha Bedingfield, Patty Griffin

TV of the week:  Fatal Vows

Podcasts of the week:  Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Truth and Justice, American Nightmare, Crimelines, Through the Cracks, Undisclosed 

Books of the Week: I finished two books since I last posted.

Badass Habits by Jen Sincero – Apparently everyone else likes this book more than I did. I know how to do habits so maybe I’m not the right person to read this book. I didn’t like that she kept mentioning losing weight as an example of a habit. Annoying. Otherwise, I guess this book is okay if a person has no idea on how to start a new habit. 3.5 stars.

If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen. Nonfiction. SO GOOD. So disturbing. This book will stay with you after you are done. The abuse of children and adults are so bad, I had to skip parts. I will never forget Shelly. She’s a monster. 5 stars.

Weekend Plans: I worked all day. Well, I just finished and decided to blog today instead of tomorrow morning. I could have done more work, but one of my clients didn’t give me enough info to start so now I will be scrambling next week. Sigh. These people are killing me. I’m taking Sunday off…unless the client responds. Then I might work an hour tomorrow. Otherwise, I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow. I will probably read. I hope there’s a good college basketball game on. I haven’t been watching much basketball this year, but I’m thinking of watching March Madness. I have the first two days of the tournament off from my full-time job.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week. 🙂

My therapist hates elephants

I read the El Paso’s shooter’s supposed manifesto. It was kind of short. And he doesn’t seem more mentally ill than the average murderer. But I will withhold judgement until we get a background on the shooter.  Um, I agree with some of what he said. Okay, only 5%. Most jobs will be automated. That’s a fact unless some magic law occurs (it will not). Sad, but true. My current job won’t exist in 10 years. I’m surprised it still exists now. It sucks. The answer seems to become an entrepreneur. These people seem to not realize that not everyone is made for that. Plus, some businesses need capital, and if you don’t have a trust fund, how do you get started?

I started something online because that was the only option for me.  I’ve made about $50 in 2019. But I’m not giving up, but if I had a brick and mortar store, I would have to give up due to costs. Anyway, some of his manifesto I don’t understand. It seems to be a racist thing.

I don’t understand what automated jobs and being anti-pollution have to do with killing immigrants, though. I’m clueless. I guess he just put that in there to explain his frustration. And I’m sure he didn’t only kill/injure immigrants. What a waste of life. He’ll probably be killed by Texas. He is also anti-war. I think. I refuse to try to figure out everything he said. But I’m anti-war too. Then he calls Americans hypocrites. Um…… yes, Americans are extremely hypocritical when it comes to many things, but you just killed 20+ people so???? Yeah, I’m anti-war, but I’ll kill a bunch of innocent people for no reason. Pathetic.

Kind of hard to move on from that…

My therapist hates elephants, so I don’t know if I should see her again. Okay, she didn’t say she hated elephants, but she told me she didn’t think it was a good idea to adopt one. LOL. It’s not going to live with me in my 95-degree room. I have a dog! Whatever. I will probably wait until September/October to adopt the elephant IF I’m good and don’t waste money on crap. It’ll be a reward. I’ve always hated the idea of rewarding myself by buying stuff. But since I’ve been off Abilify, I’ve been good with not buying stuff. Am I cured? Probably not.

A lot of stuff going on with therapy and doctors right now. It’s so much to unpack. I don’t feel like getting into now. I still can’t eat when I first wake up. I now get up later around 5:30 AM and then I eat at 7:30 only because I can’t drink coffee on an empty stomach. I’m so tired due to the meds. SO Tired. I can barely work. But I have to. The quickest work is there between 6 AM and 7:30. If you come in at 8, good luck making the goal. So I work in 30-minute spurts and then sleep while sitting up for about 3 minutes at a time. I’m not kidding.

I’m drinking a lot of caffeine these days. I still weigh 132, so I’m not losing any more weight. I lost 4 pounds when I first got off Abilify. Now I’m stable…for now.

Election 2020: The next debate in September will only have 10 people. One night. Good for the public. But it’s the same for the candidates. They will still only have one minute to respond. That’s frustrating. Like most people, I hate the constant cutting off the candidates.

Kamala was exposed for the liar she is. Finally. She won’t be the nominee. Okay, I felt bad for her at times during the debate. But her debate performance is how she is during town halls. She can’t answer 50% of the questions with a straight forward answer because she has to lie. EXPOSED.

I want a Warren/Castro ticket, but that will never happen. Castro isn’t polling high enough to be taken seriously. HOWEVER, he is from Texas. Could he help the Dem candidate win Texas?? Probably not. I just really like Castro’s policies, so I want him on the ticket.

I could say more. I live-tweeted some of the debate, so my thoughts are on the sidebar.  I have to get back to working on creating my astrology course. I’m working on module 4 out of 5 modules.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Camila Cabello, Ariana Grande, Rachael Sage, Carly Rae Jepsen, Tori Kelly, Alessia Cara

TV of the week: Big Brother, Grey’s Anatomy

I’m thinking about watching The Bachelorette now that it is over. But it would take forever. I think each episode is 2 hours??! I watch TV in spurts so that would take me at least 6 weeks to watch. Not sure it’s worth the time, but nothing is on besides Big Brother.

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, Generation Why, White Lies, A Course in Miracles Radio, Pod Save America, Crime Junkie, Tarot for the Wild Soul, The 11th Hour, AM Joy

Books of the week: Now reading:

I’m working on my course, so I’m knee-deep in about 5 astrology books right now.

Weekend Plans: No overtime this weekend. 😦 But I still worked a little, so I wouldn’t be behind next week. I hope I get to work overtime next week, but my manager is on vacation so I who knows? Right now I’m installing Windows 10 on my work computer. I’m so nervous that it won’t work by Monday and I’ll have to go to work in the office. It is taking more than the 4 hours I was quoted. I’m really nervous I will lose documents I need to do my work. Oh well.

My astrology class was canceled. So no sitting in front of a computer for 3 hours tomorrow. I will work on creating my course. In fact, I must get back to that now.

Thanks for reading. Have an excellent weekend! 🙂

I hate people

But you already knew that.

It is so hot. I didn’t even sleep much last night. It was over 100 degrees in my bedroom until about 1 AM. It was probably near 110 degrees. I’m not kidding. I had to go somewhere else until midnight. Today is supposed to be hotter. I can’t concentrate with heat that high. The good thing is that some of next week will be in the 80s. YAY. But then we have August. Ugh.

I don’t have or want kids because I value my free time. People with kids don’t value it as much as I do, or they would not have had kids. It’s funny how that never occurs to people.  Some people choose not to have kids because they don’t like them, but I bet one of the top 3 reasons would be free time. Kids are expensive too. That rounds out most people top three reasons to not have kids. Freedom to travel or do whatever is kind of free time plus kids are expensive.

My TV is stuck on CNN right now, and I feel like I’m losing brain cells. How can anybody watch this crap? I have it muted, and it is oh so bad. I must admit that anyone who doesn’t like politics will probably hate MSNBC because that is 90% of what they cover. Sometimes I get frustrated at them because they won’t cover anything besides politics. Fox is like a bad combo of CNN and MSNBC. They discuss the weirdest crap. Random shit.  Fox kills brain cells. Everyone knows that. It’s okay to watch for entertainment but run if someone takes it seriously. RUN.

I think I’m suffering from heatstroke. Or it may just be the lack of Abilify. But I usually don’t feel symptoms from Abilify withdrawal for maybe 2 weeks? Anyway, I can no longer sit in my 100-degree bedroom anymore. I’m so glad I only worked half a day of overtime. I wanted to work an extra hour, but the heat was already getting to me plus I thought why not just get off a little early. It’s not like I’m getting paid time and a half for it because I only worked 16 hours and that includes so-called overtime.

I’m so sick of people right now. I think there’s something in the water. It might be Mercury Retrograde. Mercury is about communication, commerce (don’t make any big purchases during the retrograde!), and other things. So I’m thinking that along with the eclipses are just making me rage. Or it could be people’s behavior? Or it could be the lack of Abilify is already kicking in? And I have nothing to take in place of it because it costs $1200. Sigh.

I wish everyone would borrow some Taurus traits. Hahaha. We are quiet. We are the most introverted sign of all the zodiac signs. We are loyal and by far the best employees because we don’t complain. We just do what we are told. We are not good entrepreneurs, but America values good workers, so we are valued. We are reliable. Yes, we can be stubborn, but we keep these thoughts to ourselves instead of gossiping about people behind their backs. Don’t take advantage of us, or we will eventually explode with anger. So watch out for that. Oh, and never mess with the routine of a Taurus. NEVER. That also makes us angry. You won’t see it, but one day we will explode. Hopefully, you won’t be there when we do it. God help you if you are.

Taurus is great for the world. Appreciate us, dammit. 🙂

Election2020: The debates rosters are set. Whatever. I think I’m over Marianne Williamson. She has always rubbed me a little wrong because she is more conservative than me. She doesn’t believe depression is a thing. I hate that I’m going to cut ties with her officially over this, but I’m not surprised. If a random person said the things she said, I wouldn’t support them. For the record, I supported her because of her A Course In Miracles teachings. But I think she’s too stubborn to be president. She does what she wants. Believes what she wants. This was confirmed by how she ran for Congress the first time. Many believe she wasted a ton of money because she did things her way.

Temporarily over her and 100% for Elizabeth Warren…and Julian Castro. 🙂  Julian is on my list because he is strongly for justice reform. I don’t understand why his ratings didn’t go up more after the debate. Either he doesn’t have enough funds, or he isn’t a good campaigner. I do think he could use a little more passion in media interviews. He always seems so tired. I feel bad for him. Is he always tired or is that just his personality.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ed Sheeran, Britney Spears, Beyonce, Sugarland, Bishop Briggs, Keyshia Cole, Lauren Daigle, India.Arie

TV of the week: Big Brother, Grey’s Anatomy

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, Pod Save America, The Lowe Post, Why Is This Happening

Books of the week: Now reading:

Weekend Plans: Well, today is Saturday. I was supposed to work more on creating my online course. I still have time for tonight, so I guess I should do that. I like feeling inspired. LOL. Everything is just all fucked up because of boundaries or the lack thereof. I did get a lot of accomplished on my days off. But I kind of started over again with the course because I felt like the first module sucked. So there’s that. People suck.

Thanks for reading my rants. Have a great, nice rest of the weekend! 🙂

People. Ugh.

Just a quick post. Not much going on. I’m only working 17 hours this week. I was off today, and I’m off Thursday and Friday.  I will probably work on Saturday. I need the money. Work is going surprisingly well. Yay!

I’ve been working on creating the astrology course. It is much harder than I thought. Unfortunately, this first version will be very beta. I wanted it to be great. Not happening. 😦 I don’t know whether astrology is hard – YES – or creating all courses is hard. And I’m having a hard time recording due to my living situation. So the sound won’t be great.

People still don’t get that I have shit to do. SO FUCKING ANNOYING. I’m convinced that people judge how much others have to do by what they have to do. I don’t know, but it’s annoying.

I’m boycotting the news until at least Saturday. I’m still periodically checking twitter. But so far for today, I’m out of the loop.

It’s really hot where I’m staying. The AC is non-existent, and it’s over 99 degrees in that room. So I can’t get much done.

I took my dog to the park today. I’m on anti-nausea medicine. I just started it today. Gosh, it does make me tired and dizzy. I can get over the dizzy part as long as I don’t have to drive or stand up. I have a sedentary job, so 6 days out of 7, I’m sitting most days.

The tired part is the part that worries me. I hate being tired. Hate it. It leaves me foggy, and I have a job where the production really matters so I can’t afford to be sleepy or tired. We have to get a certain number of things done a day. I can’t be tired. Not going to work. But if that is the only way off Abilify…

Oh yeah, I stopped taking Abilify on Thursday or Friday of last week. I can’t remember which day. Now I’m worried about nausea. That is the main side effect I have without the Abilify. Oh, and I have depression.

I can’t get on Latuda. It is $1200 a month. LOL. Ha! Does Elizabeth Warren have a plan for that? I’m bummed about that. But maybe I won’t need it. I really, really wanted to try it. There is a generic. It was approved in January of 2019.  However, no one is selling it.

I know this is all over the place, but I’m working on creating my astrology class and this blog post at the same time. I need to stop. I’m good at multi-tasking. I’m a Gemini Moon. I got so much done last night while watching TV, and I thought I wasn’t going to get anything done. I can’t watch anything “deep” or I won’t be able to concentrate on work.  I can watch (listen really)  DNA analysts talk about DNA and stuff like that.

Politics: I can’t believe Democrats are worried so much about 4 people. ROFL. That is why they suck so much. Let them be. It’s four fucking people. Who gives a shit what they tweet? The Dems get what they deserve. 4 more years of Trump because they are too scared to do anything. I don’t feel bad for them at all. They are acting like fools for caring so much about FOUR people.

Have a nice week. 🙂 Thanks for reading. I’ll try to be back on Friday so I can be back on schedule, but I’m not sure about that.

I’m that bitch

Why does Kamala suck so much? (I’m so eloquent). It’s because she’s trying to be something she’s not. She can’t keep her stories straight. I’m so glad the media is finally catching on. She’s trying to act like a progressive, but she’s a moderate. I’ve been saying this forever. Now it’s getting her in trouble. Medicare for all? Uh, yes. I mean, no. Trying to keep up with Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren (true progressives) will be her downfall. If she were herself, she would be fine. But she thinks America wants someone liberal, so she’s pretending to be liberal. She can’t even answer questions. It’s disappointing to watch her.

It’s embarrassing and frustrating to watch her flub so much.

Yeah, I had to get that out first.

Good news! Maybe. I’m not an optimist. I saw a psychiatrist online, and he rocks!! He even wanted me to go near DC to see him in person because he couldn’t prescribe everything over the internet. 😦 I don’t have time to travel to DC every two weeks. LOL.  So I now have to see two doctors. One online and one in person. I happen to have an appointment with the local doctor next Monday. He believed the Abilify stuff, BUT he has never seen anyone vomit and have nausea due to going off Abilify. NEVER. So what’s wrong with me???

He prescribed an anti-nausea medicine (Thank God). That’s for nausea I get when I go off Abilify which will be whenever I get the medicine. I’m doing mail order with a new company, so I have no idea how this is going to work. I already miss my old company. I usually don’t get nausea until 2-3 weeks after I stop Abilify so when I see him next (in two weeks), I won’t know much about how the anti-nausea med is working. Of course, one of the side effects of that medicine is weight gain. Shocking!

Instead of Abilify, he has me on Latuda. I hope that works. He has seen people with really bad gambling problems from Abilify. He treated them!! So he knows his shit. I must say that most people on Abilify don’t have this problem.  MOST. I wish I were one of them. I don’t gamble at all. I have a shopping problem which is probably almost just as bad. It’s almost the same, I guess.

I saw him at 6:45PM on a Sunday night. Awesome. My next appointment is at 8:30PM. That’s during Big Brother! :/ I wish I could go to DC to see him, but that’s too much of a commitment. I need brake pads for my car. I’m doing that in October. I can’t believe I drove to the beach and I need brake pads!! I just thought about that. Anyway, I rarely drive these days. I drive about once a week.

Oh, he also said I might have to deal with nausea and throwing up. Um, I can barely work. I need to work. Huh? Just deal with it? I tried. I was so sick. So sick. Plus, I hate vomiting. I went back on the Abilify because the nausea was so bad. Hopefully, the anti-nausea medicine will work. Otherwise, why should I take it? I’m already bummed that I will have to crush the pill. Ugh. Abilify melts in my mouth. That’s the only good thing I can say about that medicine.

Election 2020: Besides the Kamala stuff, all I have to say is that I can’t believe people think Biden can still beat Trump after his debate performance. WTF? Did people see what I saw? It was horrible!! Yes, Trump sucks at debates but he’ll just make up stuff. Biden didn’t debate at all. He barely said anything, and he can beat Trump? Ugh. Trump is probably going to win anyway. He can beat Biden, Sanders, Kamala. Whoever. Because some people only care about themselves and their pocketbooks. 

This week I…

Music of the week: Beyonce, Rachel Platten, Ariana Grande, Bishop Briggs, Margo Price, Missy Higgins, Jess Glynne, Marren Morris

TV of the week: The Handmaid’s Tale, Big Brother, Wimbledon, Grey’s Anatomy,

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Pod Save America, The Lowe Post, The Water Trio, All in WIth Chris Hayes, Tarot for the Wild Soul, Generation Why, The Bill Simmons Podcast

Books of the week: Now reading:

Weekend Plans: Well, today is Monday. I survived the weekend. Lots of drama at the house. Nothing directly involving me. I got stuff done, but not as much as I would have liked. Next week I’m only working 17 hours, and that includes Saturday. Why did I agree to work on Saturday? Now I’m just focusing on getting my astrology course created. I only have about 8% done. Not good. I still have papers to turn in for class. The deadline is July 31. I know what I’ll be doing next week.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🙂

Make Love to Myself

I didn’t blog last week. 😦 This blog is helping me with my astrology class. I can’t remember anything that happens in my life…except vacations. I do journal on paper, but I’m not consistent. I found a post from this blog that represents how Saturn affected my life. Now I have to write a 300 – 500 word paper on it. Without this blog, I would be lost entirely.

I just had therapy. The insurance thing is still not completely straighten out, btw. It’s a bit of a pain. But 3 weeks after my appointment, I do get my money back. I just have to email or call both companies after every visit, which is annoying. But at least I have health insurance. For now. Yes, I still have my job. I will check back around June 15th (or maybe before) for an update.

Anyway, NOW she suggests I get off the Abilify. Duh. Everything changed once I was on it for 2-3 years. I went from frugal to an impulsive spender. I was smart with money before I was on Abilify and then I got depressed. Nothing else worked besides Abilify. I did make an online appointment with a psychiatrist, but it isn’t until July 7. I see my “normal” psychiatrist at the end of June. It’s probably a waste to see him, but just in case the online doctor doesn’t work, or I lose my job, I want my prescriptions.

1 in 3 people on Abilify change in some way. In the articles I read, they mostly talk about people losing all they have to gambling. They are suing the drug maker of Abilify:

Patients who took the antipsychotic Abilify are filing a lawsuit after they developed compulsive behaviors that led them into gambling or other addictions. According to the ongoing mass tort litigation, the manufacturer Bristol-Myers Squibb and Otsuka Pharmaceutical failed to warn patients that the antipsychotic medication may increase the risk of compulsive gambling and type-2 diabetes in children. The pharmaceutical companies are facing legal claims by dozens of individuals who allege that the drug caused them to lose thousands of dollars or harmed their children.

If you or one of your beloved ones lost a considerable sum of money due to pathological gambling or showed any other sign of compulsive behaviors after taking Abilify, you should seek monetary compensation in court.

I might get in on some lawsuit as long as I don’t have to pay a dime. It is an antipsychotic but only at high levels. I take .5 MG 5 days a week, so I won’t go through withdrawal. Anyway, it’s probably a bit of work to prove it. I dunno. They only have to look at my credit report from before Abilify until now. So it might not be too bad. Thinking about it. I’m not expecting any money. I just want to get off the drug.

Update: Bristol-Myers Squibb has paid $535 million to people so far. Might be too late for a group settlement. And I’m not hiring a lawyer. LOL.

What else is going on? I signed up for a year-long astrology class (Thanks, Abilify). I got on the sliding scale. YAY! So glad some people offer sliding scales. School starts on this Sunday at noon online, but it’s in Maryland so I might get my ass up there once or twice over the year. I DESPERATELY wanted to do the 2-year apprenticeship, but it is $6,000 with no sliding scale. So I’m taking his class instead, and I’ll see how we get along. If we don’t click, I’m 100% sure it will be my fault. However, if we do click, I plan on saving up for either his level 2 year long class OR the more expensive apprenticeship. I would kill to have an astrology apprenticeship. That would be so helpful and speed up my process.

I am definitely creating the online beginner’s astrology course. I’m not worried about the other astrology classes out there, but since I opened my big mouth on Instagram, I am worried that others may recreate the exact same course I’m trying to do, and that would break my heart. Dozens have copied from me during this past year, and I don’t care as much because it’s FREE content. Copy me. I’m flattered. I know I came up with the idea first because you weren’t doing it until you started following me. Whatever. It’s free content.

I signed up for a course launch program (Thanks, Abilify). I have worked with this coach before. She’s awesome. So I know I’ll launch something because she’ll make me. 🙂 I don’t know how I’m going to juggle everything, but it can be done. I hope school isn’t too time intensive. It’s supposed to be every Sunday, but we already get Father’s Day off. That’s good. It’ll allow me to catch up on reading the two big textbooks.

I’m launching my class in September because that is when my coach thinks it’s best. It’s not a 1:1 coaching thing. That would be too expensive. It will be a small group of us. I hope there isn’t another astrology course creator. I would DIE! I’m going to try to pick a date that is best astrologically for me. I haven’t looked at what’s going on with the planets in September yet, so I don’t know what date I’ll pick.

Election 2020 – As of right now, Marianne Williamson is in the June debate. But since there over 20 people running, the polls could change. If one person -can’t remember his name- moves up to 1% in the poll within the next week, Marianne will probably get bumped. Sigh. So it’s too early to celebrate. Hopefully, by next Friday, we will know. But for now, all the media outlets are reporting that’s she’s in. Of course, they also mention that guy who might bump someone. I’m too lazy to look up his name right now. I think he is a DC politician, or a governor, or a mayor. Haha. In other words, he is a politician.

Update on Buttigieg. Things aren’t looking good when it comes to the black police chief or sergeant. Long story, but The Young Turks have done a lot of research on this story. A few other outlets are picking up the story. I’m not getting into all the details. But since white officers were supposedly using racial slurs against the black police chief, it looks bad that Buttigieg made the black guy resign. The good thing is that Buttigieg hasn’t heard the tapes of the slurs. That would be a felony in Indiana, so he has to say that. I’m sure he knows some of what’s on the tape.

At the end of the day, it really doesn’t affect my opinion of Buttigieg. It could hurt him. It depends on when the tapes are released. Right now, he’s not doing well with blacks. He’s doing okay with whites, but I think Elizabeth Warren is currently doing better than him. Oh, and Kamala is surprisingly still hanging in there. I don’t get it. She’s smart. I thought she was tough, BUT I watched her townhall on MSNBC, and she sucked on some questions. It was bad. She stumbled on the Medicare question. She couldn’t say whether people could keep the doctor they have now. She needs to be more prepared. How is she going to debate Trump? (Not that Trump is good at debates). How is she going to do against the other Democrats in June? I guess my standards were too high for her.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jess Glynne, Mariah Carey, Maggie Rogers, Sara Bareilles, Britney Spears, Ellie Goulding, Carly Rae Jepsen, India.Arie,

TV of the week:  Dead Like Me, When They See Us, NBA playoffs

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, Online Marketing Made Easy, So You Wanna Be a Witch, All in With Chris Hayes, Pod Save America, Tarot for the Wild Soul, The Astrology Podcast, Why is This Happening? Your Own Magic

(This is a combo of last week’s list and this week listens).

Books of the week: Now reading –

And a bunch of astrology books.

Weekend Plans: Working overtime on Saturday. I’m excited about the astrology course starting on Sunday. I’m glad we have a big group. It looks like it may be 40 people!! My last live class had only 14 people, which was a large class for them, but way too small for me. We don’t have to speak, but he would like to see our faces (not a requirement), so I will have my webcam on 90% of the time. If I’m eating or have to take my dog outside, I’ll turn off the camera. Since I don’t plan on participating (but who knows?), the least I can do is show up on camera since he likes when students do that.

I’m also doing business stuff. I have to send out my newsletter to my email list this weekend. It’s more work than usual because I promised more stuff. (WHY?) Sigh. I’m definitely going to spend a few hours on the course I’m creating. I still have research to do, but I have been practicing recording videos. But nothing is done. Not even an intro.

What else? Oh, I want to find time to knit. I might cook again on Sunday. I canceled Hello Fresh due to cost. I also have to cancel Nutrisystem. Back to Hello Fresh – I cooked Flatbread Pizza tonight. Considering the ingredients (baked tomatoes, walnuts, arugula), it came out pretty good. I would give it an A-. I only cooked that one because it was the only one that didn’t need something thawed out and it was so quick and easy. None of the other meals are that easy. I now have the chicken, cauliflower mac and cheese, and meatloaf to cook. I think that’s it. I cooked the tilapia, hamburgers, and pizza. I will probably try the meatloaf because I’ve wanted to make my own meatloaf for years and I’ve never tried.

I didn’t blog that much about transcendental meditation. Now I’m doing it when I first wake up for 20 minutes, and 20 minutes before I eat dinner. Yesterday afternoon I meditated with my TM teacher on the phone. I can’t make the next (and last ‘required’) group meeting, due to the astrology class, so she decided to meet with me on the phone. We have two more telephone meditation meetings scheduled, and she might add more. I was so scared my dog was going to bark. He moved and heavily sighed once (LOL), but he didn’t bark.

The meditation is going fine so far. I will blog more about that later. I feel like I have more energy (hence why I’m blogging at 11:30 PM on a Friday night and not tired at all). And my sleep is better. Now if it could only cure my anxiety/PTSD. That would be awesome.

Another long entry. Shocking. Thanks so much for reading. Have a great weekend. 🙂

Wish I hated everyone

I didn’t end up going to the psychic festival. 😦 I was so sick with allergies. Now I’m taking Zyrtec every day. Because I can’t swallow pills, I have to take the dissolvable kind which is ridiculously so much more expensive than the regular tablets. Grr!

Anyway, I don’t know what I’m allergic to. It could be the house, or it could be my dog. I adopted my dog about 8 months after I moved here. So I don’t know which is causing the allergies. I don’t see anything in the house that could cause it. My mom is convinced it is “invisible mold” because when my sister and I were young, we lived in a house where it took a while for the mold to show. My sister was always sick, but they couldn’t figure out why. So I guess it could be “invisible mold” or it could be my dog.

Whatever. If it is the house, I’m moving in less than 2 months and if it’s my dog…oh well. I’m stuck with him. 😉 Speaking of medical things, I’m getting my first flu shot EVER on Tuesday. I better not get sick. I’ve never had the flu. I’m only getting one because I signed up by mistake through work. I meant to just sign up for the checkup so I can save money on my health insurance. I might see if I can get out of it once I get to the appointment.

Let’s talk about more medical things because that’s exciting, right? I ordered more Abilify. I didn’t want to pay the $75 copay (between my dog and me, our meds are expensive!). However, I can’t stop taking Abilify right now. For the past two years, I have stopped around Christmas. I’m not into Xmas or anything. In fact, I hate it, but that’s not the point. I’m getting ready to move and I don’t want to go through the winter depressed and nauseous. I’m already depressed because winter SUCKS. I hate winter! I’m seriously thinking about moving somewhere where there aren’t winters. It won’t be LA because it was cold when I was there. lol.

Anyway, I’m going to TRY to stop taking Abilify in June of 2019. I’m going to the beach for my birthday in May* and then I will try to stop the Abilify. I’m on the lowest possible dose. I only take it 5 days a week. Maybe I should try to take it 4 days a week and see what happens? I think I will start that next week.

*Unfortunately this will be a semi-expensive beach trip. None of the hotels on the beach that I love will accept dogs. 😦 So I will have to get some really fancy place, even though I could care less. I don’t want to leave him at the vet. Besides the money I would spend on boarding almost equal what I’ll end up paying at the expensive hotel. My mom is coming too so I hope I can find a suite. In the cheaper hotel, we always got a suite. But the pet-friendly hotels, already cost too much so I will probably just get a room with 2 queen beds. As long, as the room has a balcony (A MUST!!), I’ll be fine.

Should I talk about moving? Noooooo! I think I’m in denial. I start packing next weekend. I still don’t have a move date. I’m still terrified of notifying my landlord. It doesn’t really matter when I move, I’m still paying for rent and electricity (so the pipes won’t freeze) until at least December 31. But I want to move to my mom’s by Thanksgiving. In case I haven’t mentioned it, I don’t have a lease. I haven’t had a lease in 5 years. Weird, I know.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Mariah Carey, Maggie Rose, Janet Jackson, Christina Aguilera, Carrie Underwood, First Aid Kit, Joan Osborne, Pistol Annies,

TV of the week:  Nashville

I will probably start watching basketball soon. Of course, I’m watching the news since they stopped talking so much about Russia.

Movie of the week: I might watch the RBG documentary on Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I don’t know much about her. All I know is that she is on the Supreme Court.

Podcasts of the week: All In With Chris Hayes, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Online Marketing Made Easy, True Crime Garage, The JJ Redick Podcast, The Bill Simmons Podcast, The Lowe Post, The Rachel Maddow Show, Why is This Happening, What Should I Read Next?

Books of the week: 

Currently reading –

Plans for the weekend: Grocery shopping again. I’m so fun! I want to spend time working on my tarot biz. This is quarter 4. I need to get busy. I need to put myself out there and start making money. I don’t expect a ton of customers. But I will be strategizing this weekend. I already know I’m going to offer 50% off every reading from maybe mid-October to November. Or maybe I should offer it through December. Oooh, what should I do for Black Friday??! I forgot about that. I have to think about it. Anyway, some of my readings are only $5.00 so 50% off is a bargain. I’m going to do a short Youtube video explaining my services and giving away the coupon for 50% off.

I haven’t mentioned this, but I’m also taking two online courses to make a big move during this time of year since this time is the busiest time for all businesses. One is a group mentorship. We meet LIVE on video once a week. I have to blog about that. LOL. I just had my first meeting on Tuesday. Scary!! And one is a productivity type class. I was doing my homework for that until I got the urge to blog.

Like I said, next weekend I’m focusing on packing. It would be great to make a big dent with that. I don’t have a lot of big things. I have a lot of little things. A lot of it will be going in the trash, but some things I want to keep.

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend! 🙂

If I were a different girl


95 days until my Getaway from DC 

The Depo-Provera is finally out of my system, and I’m so thrilled! It didn’t take that long. TMI Warning! My periods are much lighter (but not light) and only lasts 3 and a half days. Okay, you can say 4 days. Thank God. I’m loving the BC I’m on. I’m on Bilsovi Fe. The only downside is that my stomach is much bigger and it may have caused weight gain. 😦 BUT I think it might get rid of my period.

I was going to quit Bilsovi in the near future because I’m not having sex and the bleeding from the Depo is gone so why do I need it? But if there is a tiny chance it can get rid of my period, I will stay on it for at least a year. I’ve been on it for about 3 months so far. If you really care about weight gain and bloating, don’t take Bilsovi. I care, but I don’t care enough to quit just yet. I want to post this quote again about Bilsovi. It gives me hope:

After several months on treatment, bleeding may be reduced to a point of virtual absence. This reduced flow may occur as a result of medication, in which event it is not indicative of pregnancy.

I started with the good news first. Now the bad. The day before my birthday I’m getting a pap smear! ROFL. How much does that suck? Uh, at least it’s not on my birthday, right? It is very painful for me. I’m not looking forward to it. But how else am I going to continue to get my BC? I have to go to the OB/GYN. Plus, they were nice last year and said since I’m a virgin, I didn’t have to get a pap smear, so I’ll get one this year. I think I’m going to ask if she can put it on my record that I only have to get one every other year. It sounds like a good plan, but once I get in the doctor’s office, I probably won’t mention it. I’ll see. Once I get off BC (if It doesn’t stop my period), they won’t see me for a while.

I now realize that buying the MacBook Air was a horrible idea. Of course, I really knew that from the beginning. I blame it on the Abilify. I really do. I would have NEVER done something like this prior to being on it. Oh well. I bought it, and it’s here now. I’m not using the Air that much. I’m still using my HP.

I still love my Mac. Nothing’s change.  I should have waited until my HP was really dead. I should have had more patience through that Sunday morning instead of getting frustrated. I got pissed and wanted a new computer NOW. Eventually, the Mac will be my main computer, and maybe I won’t feel so bad. I know it’s worth having. It’s just weird because I’m barely using it. Such an expensive toy to barely use. It will be my primary computer once my HP is really dead.

Buyer’s remorse sucks! :/

I just got back from seeing my psychiatrist. I haven’t seen him in about 6 months. He doesn’t get it. This is why I was searching for a new doctor. I called a few people. I left messages. No one called me back. What should I do? Just show up and make an appointment? I don’t live that far from the office I want to go to.

Anyway, he was SHOCKED that I had side effects from quitting the Abilify. LOL. WTF? Am I supposed to believe that? Where is a competent doctor? I told him I had nausea and I couldn’t eat. Etc. Apparently, he has never heard of such. All he has to do is get on the Google Machine and see that other people have the same issue. And he’s a freaking doctor! He should know!

I talked him into giving me a 2mg dose of Abilify. I will split the pill in half and take 1mg a day. I have to use a mail order pharmacy, and unfortunately, it is snowing right now so I won’t be mailing it off tomorrow. I also won’t be able to test my lawn mower tomorrow due to the snow. 😦 I wanted to do it while I have a half day at work and while my neighbors would be working.

I’m really low on my anti-depressant. Really low as in I have been taking a half of dose for the past 3 weeks and I barely have anything left.  I have to mail these prescriptions off ASAP. I don’t know when I’m doing it. I probably won’t feel like going out and removing the snow from my car tomorrow. On Thursday, it is going to be 60 degrees. Why not just wait until the snow melts? Too bad I won’t have medicine. Whatever. I’ll live. First world issues.

Took my own advice

I sent a ton of documents to the state because they said I might have unclaimed property. 8 weeks later I got a check for 62.87 in the mail. Woohoo!!!111! I didn’t think I was going to get anything back. I have no idea where this money is from. They didn’t tell me. I’ll take it. 🙂

I’m back on Abilify daily. I can’t stand the nausea. However, when I go to the doctor in March, I’m going to ask for a 2mg prescription and cut the pill in half so I will only be taking 1mg a day. Right now and since I’ve been on it, I’ve been taking 2.5 mg a day. (I split the 5mg in half). Hopefully, the lower dose will take care of the withdrawal and any depression.

I still might ask my doctor about TMS. But TMS won’t take care of Abilify withdrawal. Hmmm. TMS must be nice. No medicine, but I don’t mind taking an anti-depressant. I’m not anti-med like the cool kids. I just want to stop taking Abilify, but my body doesn’t want me to. Whatevs.

I was the worst at spin class again. :/ And I can’t put those damn cycling shoes on the bike without help. Ugh! I only burned 255 calories this time, and I was trying really hard. I have one class left on my Groupon. I know I’m not going the next two weekends, but I might go for my last ride after that.

I don’t know what I’m doing this weekend. It depends on work. Another department is really behind, and they want a few of us to help them. I volunteered to help, so that might happen this Saturday. Don’t ask me why I volunteered. Long story.

Update: Apparently I’m working 5 hours for the other department this Saturday. Well, at least I get paid overtime pay, so I guess I shouldn’t complain too much. I just hope they train us well because there were issues with that once before. That’s all I’m saying about that.

Oh, God. We are going to have a meeting with just the 5 of us in training and our manager to see how training is going. That means I have to talk. &*%$ I will have a few remarks prepared. But I don’t really know how training is going. I rarely or I probably should say NEVER talk during meetings. I recently had to say something during an instant message meeting at work, and I freaked out about that. Now I have to use my voice?

This is one of the reasons why I didn’t want to be in the first group to go through training. Now we might be expected to talk about it and help or teach the others. I have trained people in person before at this job but not a ton. I was very comfortable with what I had to train people on YEARS ago. I had been working with that system for 2+ years before I trained someone. This is totally different. I don’t know this crap. At least it won’t be in person. Helping people through a computer is a little easier…unless I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. 😉

I’ve only been in training for 6 days. All I can say is this is very different from what I do now.  My thoughts on it are all muddled. Some things are very confusing. Tomorrow is the big test on all that we’ve learned in part one. I’m a little worried about it because it’s timed. I have to pass! No pressure.

Well, I’ve gotta go. As of right now, I have no overtime scheduled for Thursday and Friday. I would like to keep it that way. That being said, I would like to have more overtime opportunities in the future because I need the money. But right now, I just need a break.

I am an uphill battle


112 days until our (my dog and I) Escape from DC weekend getaway

The Dems really need to stop acting like they care so much about gun control. They had a chance to do something about it in 2009, and they did nothing. They had the 60 votes to pass something. Stop pretending. I’m not buying it. I just got a text from the DNC about supporting their gun crap. Please.

I think I may be going through Abilify withdrawal. 😦 I’m more nauseous than usual. And I have a headache, but I don’t know if it is due to training or the lack of Abilify. Right now I’m only skipping two days between doses. Will I ever be able to stop taking Abilify? Or will I have to deal with being sick? I just hope I don’t get depressed. That’s the most important thing.

Ugh. The nausea and headache definitely have nothing to do with training and everything to do with Abilify. I’m convinced of it now.  I might go back to taking the Abilify every other day. That’s how much I hate feeling nauseous. I just can’t deal with the withdrawal. This really sucks. I wish there were something to take for nausea (another med!), but nothing OTC is strong enough.

This week has been so busy and just nuts. I’m never working this much overtime again. The training is really hard. I’ve only completed one week of training. Well, I’m a day behind right now. I’m glad some of this training is at our own pace. On Monday, I will probably be in training for most of the day. We get to divide our day between work and training. They claim they want us to focus on training, but I feel bad for not getting any work done, so I try to do both each day.

It’s funny when I tell certain people what I do, they think my job is easy. ROFL. My job is so stressful. We cannot make mistakes. That is probably the most stressful part of my job. They also expect us to be highly productive. We get measured daily, weekly, and monthly. If we could work a little slower, then maybe there would be fewer mistakes. So much pressure. Even the managers email us about handling our stress on the job. I think that’s funny because they are the ones pressuring us. But this is a corporate environment. What should I expect? Corporations don’t care about us. That’s the bottom line.

OMG! I just found out that Marie Forleo was at Gabby Bernstein’s talk in Los Angeles! She was one of the 1300 people in the audience. She heard me say I don’t have any friends. There’s no point in freaking out now. It already happened. LOL. I love Marie. Who doesn’t? But I’m so embarrassed. I really didn’t have to know she was there. If I ever were to start my own business (probably will never happen because I’m not interested at all), I would take Marie’s B-School and Gabby’s Spirit Junkie master class.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Brandi Carlile, Rachel Platten, Kesha, Tori Kelly, Camilla Cabello, Maria Mena, Mariah Carey, Lea Michele

TV of the week: Celebrity Big Brother, PLL

Celebrity BB is so entertaining. They are playing HARD. Too bad it ends on Sunday. I hope they do it again next year. It’s hard to find celebs to stay in a house for 3-4 weeks. Plus, CBS doesn’t want to pay the celebs. They say it’s “too expensive.” As if CBS doesn’t have any money.

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week: The Lively Show, The Rachael Maddow Show, True Crime Garage, Mentally Chill, Pop Shop, All in with Chris Hayes

Books of the week: Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book


Plans for the Weekend: I just want to stay in bed and read all weekend. I need a break. I’m exhausted. But I agreed to work 5 hours of overtime on Saturday. Blah. And I have to organize my shelves and hang up my clothes. Do I sound like a slob? Lol. I just have to get organized. On Sunday, I’m going to spin class.

Thanks for reading. Have an awesome weekend. 🙂