self-proclaimed thrift queen

I hung up all my visible clean clothes. But I still have other clean (fresh from the washer) clothes to hang up. The problem with cleaning is:

I hate it. It never ends. You clean a room (kitchen, bathroom) and it gets messy again. Cleaning is boring.

For some reason organization feels like something I can do. I like throwing stuff away. In fact sometimes I will throw away anything over a year old without even going through it. I love that. But I’m never going to be clean…not if I have to do it. One day I will hire a housekeeper but I’m not a clean freak so once a month is all I would do. (I have hired housekeepers for one time cleanings. That’s so worth it. I haven’t done it since I’ve moved here almost 3 years ago.)

How about this? I will throw more stuff away while snowed in (grr) this weekend. Three weeks ago, I threw away 5 big hefty bags! go me. 🙂

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I went thrifting yesterday. I brought 11 pieces of clothing for $44. Normally I could get 11 pieces for under $25…but I went to The Goodwill. Their stuff always costs more, probably because they are a charitable organization. They help people with disabilities…which is a cause I 100% support.  The one I used to visit had hideous clothes with  ‘high’ prices so I never shopped there for clothes. I’d buy books from there. However, this Goodwill was filled with  high quality clothing. Name brand. I know branded clothes aren’t everything. I saw a ton of skimpy Bebe tops which made me smile after my last Bebe  experience.

Anyhow, it is nice to buy for a cause. I used to shop at a LGBT thrift shop but they are either closed or there isn’t parking. I can’t remember what happened. lol.

I digress…I went there to get some pants for a yoga class*. I found some Reebok sweats and green velour pants. I vow to only wear them to the gym or any exercise class. I have a bad habit of sleeping in comfortable pants. I also brought some Gap peace cargo pants. Yes they have peace & love written on them. IOW, they are hippie pants. I never find anything @ The Gap store but I do have a few Gap pieces from thrift stores.

The rest was mostly spring/summer tops from The Limited, Ann Taylor (Loft) and Express. Nothing expensive, just normal clothes most people pay full price for but I refuse. 😉 I’m too lazy to take/upload pics but I’m in love with my fuchsia (hippie-ish) Express top. I’m wearing that on Monday if I get around to hand washing it. Yes, I’m a lil’ bit hippie. Can you tell?

The key to the Goodwill is to only visit ones in business or upper middle class neighborhoods. I guess that is where they drop off their clothing. Thanks!

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*The yoga class. Everything is so complicated. The one place I want to go to is $15 per class which is normal I think. The problem is they don’t have many beginners’ classes. The few they’ve had, has been canceled probably because they can’t find enough new people. That is shocking to me. Can’t find new people to do yoga?? Weird. There is a yoga class @ work. It isn’t free. I have to get a note from my doctor to go to that class…or ANY class. Guess what? I don’t have a doctor (no, I’m not bringing in a form from the shrink I see 4-6 times a year).

I’m doing yoga or going to the Zen group. I’ve got to do one. The zen Buddhist group is scary because most of their evening classes involves discussion (of a book etc.) after the meditation.  Well, I don’t want that. Do I get up at 5Am on Thursdays to take the early class? Surely they don’t expect people to speak that early in the morning. I should consider it….

I have a feeling I will do yoga before zen. I’m less intimidated by yoga.

long shot

I need 2 internet free days a week. Definitely Sunday and Wednesday. I was doing fine w/just Sunday internet free until I started Avon. Everything I do with Avon is online.

so that’s done. who knew the internet could be so depressing. it confirms that no one cares.

was very productive at work. a lil productive @ home. I should have gotten more done. At least my garbage can will be filled tomorrow. I have a long way to go.

Being me

I love Being Erica. I haven’t seen all the episodes though. There will be a marathon of the first season on Sunday. Um, don’t they know football is on?! The playoffs. Go Ravens!

I don’t know where to start with work. Actually I didn’t let them get to me like I did yesterday. By the end of the day – when most people were gone – I did hold my head in my hands. Stop working and watched the clock tick for the last ten minutes. I did meet my goal (again!) . I’m going to learn something new soon. I might need the challenge or I might have a breakdown.

There are two bullies in the office: De and Mo. I’m so glad I’m not going to be in training with either of them. I have to give De credit for acting professional when others are around but Mo always acts the same way. Always. But I truly believe and know De is evil. I think she takes all her repressed feelings out on me. She says, “I don’t know what is wrong with her (me).” to others. Yet she comes right back to taunting me RIGHT AFTER SHE SAID THAT. She’s fucking evil. I haven’t caught her in the past two weeks using words like “psycho”, “crazy” so going to hr plan is out.

They know I’m listening so they are being more careful. Hmmm. I know I work best alone but does that mean that if there is the opportunity, I should take it? Demand it? That is running away from the problem but there must be a compromise. I just haven’t figured it out. I just know this situation is literally driving me crazy and affecting my work.

I hate how people only look on the surface. They see a physical disability but most of them don’t even acknowledge mental things. They just say “crazy”. Which to them means weird or stupid. Who knows? I’m sick of figuring them out.

Heidi Montag is following me on Twitter. My first celeb follow (where I didn’t follow the celeb first). Yes, she is a celebrity. That is a good way to get followers. She is near 100k. I’m guessing that is the minimum a person needs to make money on twitter. I’ll follow her back. Why not? I don’t mind helping people make money. It won’t cost me a thing.

Oh, and the reason I don’t follow back people on my website twitter account because I know you are going to eventually hate me and stop following me. Everyone does. People don’t even read here which is like saying “I don’t care if you’re dead”. That is what it means to me. Other people might interpret it differently. Lol.

2009 in books

ha, it took my therapist how long to figure out why I’m this way. Why don’t I just tell people? I guess because I thought how I grew up was normal…even though it wasn’t. However, it was my reality. I wasn’t socialized AT ALL. I didn’t do anything until I was 5 years old. And by then I was already labeled weird. And now I’m “psycho” & “crazy”.

I’m going to start documenting stuff for human resources…
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Best of 2009

December 4 Book. What book – fiction or non – touched you? Where were you when you read it? Have you bought and given away multiple copies?

To answer the last question first, I don’t even own the book. I borrowed it from Booksfree.com. That is a wonderful idea though. I feel it is a very important book on the Rwandan genocide but I’m sure there are more informative books. Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust by Immaculee Ilibagiza is told from her unique perspective. She doesn’t go into the history of the holocaust that much.

I think about Immaculee often. I admire her strength. I don’t think I would’ve survive what she lived through. Her story touched me so much that I’m 99% sure I would name a daughter after her IF 1. I was going to have kids and 2. If there wasn’t name discrimination (for jobs, housing etc.).

I think everyone should read it. It made me angry, cry & laugh. I definitely want to help out in some way. I plan on starting by buying a wrist band. The money goes to help the children of Africa. Please help out if you can.

Where was I when I read it? I read it mostly during my lunch break when I wasn’t running errands. The rest I read at home. It is a page turner. If you are a fast reader, you will probably finish it in a day. I like to absorb good books and read them slowly so it probably took me a week.

Here is a list (and rating) of all the books I’ve read in 09. Trying to squeeze at least 1 more in.

Everything I’m Cracked Up to Be: A Rock & Roll Fairy Tale – Jen Trynin (4.5/5)
The Secret – Rhonda Byrne (4/5)
The Make-Up Girl – Andrea Semple (3/5)
Stone Cold – David Baldacci (3.5/5 – skipped the first 2 books in the series)
Depression-Free for Life: A Physician’s All-Natural, 5-Step Plan – Gabriel Cousens and Mark Mayell (4.5/5)
Revolutionary Road – Richard Yates (4.5/5)
You’ll Never Nanny in This Town Again: The True Adventures of a Hollywood Nanny – Suzanne Hansen (3.5/5 – interesting but too long, repetitive)
The Shabby Chic Home – Rachel Ashwell (3/5 – I guess my style isn’t shabby chic?)
Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia – Marya Hornbacher (4.5/5)
Live Well on Less Than You Think – Fred Brock (3.5/5)
Why Good People Do Bad Things – Debbie Ford (4/5)
Don’t Scream – Wendy Corsi Staub (4.5/5)
She Wanted It All: A True Story of Sex, Murder, and a Texas Millionaire – Kathryn Casey (4/5)
Making a Change for Good: A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline – Cheri Huber (4/5)
The Best Life Diet – Bob Greene (4/5)
Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World – Lynne Spears (4/5)
Daily Wisdom: 365 Buddhist Inspirations – Josh Bartok (4.5/5)
Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices, and Priorities of a Winning Life – Tony Dungy (5/5)
Case Histories – Kate Atkinson (4/5)
A Truthful Heart: Buddhist Practices for Connecting with Others – Jeffrey Hopkins (4/5 – great book but I’m not there yet)
Green River, Running Red: The Real Story of the Green River Killer America’s Deadliest Serial Murderer – Ann Rule (4/5)
New Moon – Stephenie Meyer (4/5)
The Twelve Conditions of a Miracle – Todd Michael (5/5)
Life! – Louise Hay (3.5/5)
Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust – Immaculee Ilibagiza (5/5)
+ Work It, Girl!: Productive and Fun Tips for the Hip Working Chick – Wendy Burt (4/5 – funny)

failure as a given

Now I see that we were both just scared of life and it wasn’t going very well for us. We were accepting failure as a given and then going from there. There is strength in facing the worst and not caring, because it couldn’t hurt you if you’ve been hurt enough already.

-Dave (from Ann Rule’s book ‘Green River’)

ravens to superbowl

watching football, what else?

tired but I can’t sleep

Wait this isn’t Twitter.

I went to the projects and downtown. I felt out of place in both places but waaay more out of place downtown. And these peeps only live 5 minutes from me! There were tourists and every apartment complex had nice lobbies with security. Come on, college kids live there! But they let me place my brochures in the lobby. Nice but I won’t be coming back unless I get an order. It was a little embarrassing. Geesh!

Did they think I was going to knock on doors! LOL. I just thought of that. Hell no. I won’t even approach a woman on the street. 🙂 hahaha

The projects were quiet at 8:30 this morning. All the signs about “police watching” made me nervous. After all, I don’t live there. So technically I’m trespassing. I know other Avon reps nationwide go to apartment complexes. They (according to the message boards) never had a problem so I thought I would try.

After that I went to the gym. I did 30 minutes on the bike…only because that is the only machine I can read and exercise on. Some people can do it on the treadmill. I haven’t mastered that yet. And yes I did leave 3-4 brochures in the locker room with gift certificates.

And now I feel blah. I’m not home. Can’t sleep. I want to go home. My neighbors were acting shitty yesterday.

I’m going to a THREE hour meeting on Wednesday for youknowwho. I want to go to find out about incentives since I’ve pretty much decided that I’m only going to spend $25 a month (not counting discounts I’m giving people….if they order). 3 hours sounds like a nightmare. But Big Brother isn’t on. I don’t think a football game I wanna see is on. So I may be tired as crap but as of right now I’m going.

Other than that I’m trying to work on patience. I used to be so patient in the car. Now I’m like type A maniac. God help me, if a person drives 5 below the speed limit WITH NO ONE IN FRONT OF THEM. Don’t they know there is a light they could that could stop their slow ass?

See that is what I’m going to change. It is harder to change on my way to work because I’m trying to get there early so I can leave early and when I see a person driving slow…ugh. But when I’m not rushing anywhere, like I’m about to do right now, there is no need to rush.

Horrible last sentence. I have to go. Yay Ravens just scored.

part time work

I am so pissed off. I made a mistake on an Avon order and now I will get charge with a late fee. Beginner’s mistake. I’ll get over it.

I passed out fliers, brochures with free samples, and business cards today for an hour at the local community college.

When it comes to this stuff (OR ANYTHING), I’m bad with following up. It’s risky. Rejection could be behind that door…but I did follow up with one web customer. I sent her an email detailing how to order. She didn’t respond. I did my best customer service (so not my thing – 😉 job. Maybe I misunderstood her question or maybe she is thinking about her order. Who knows. I’m just glad she is on the email list.

I want recruits. Hopefully my hard work today pays off in someway. lala I need more mark magalogs (yep, that’s what they are called). Lauren Conrad is on the next cover. So far I have only ordered 5 which will probably go quickly at the flea market. Lauren should be on every cover. She sells. Some people only know about Mark b/c of her. I tried Mark’s perfume Sassy and it is okay in very small doses. I couldn’t even use the whole sample or it would have been too strong. Smells good though. I will probably stick with Imari in the future.

LC - the face of mark?
LC - the face of mark?

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I’m actually wearing make up for the first time ever. I’m wearing Avon’s foundation w/sunscreen. It didn’t take too long to put on but in the mornings, I don’t have time for any crap so I will probably use it when I’m outside since it does protect from the sun. I wish I had this when I went to the beach. I’m going to edit this with the name of the product when I get home.

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Stop hating on Allen Iverson people. get a life. Okay, I’m just pissed he isn’t on a team. And this guy is telling me that NO ONE is calling. Uh, right? (I respect the writer and I don’t think he is lying.)
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more internet free time

I should go internet free tomorrow but I don’t know if I want to ;). What about Saturday? I can do the last of my school work and read leisurely. I haven’t read leisurely in FIVE weeks. I have two books I want to cross of my must read in the summer of 09 list.

I am going to skip the last class. I am doing it for many reasons but mainly because I don’t HAVE to go. This could affect my grade. If I have a 89 average. Then it will stay that way. No bumping to an A. But I don’t care. I’m so tired after work that skipping won’t make me feel bad. Yes it also has to do with social things. I hate free time in class. In college (@ university), most of the people ignored me. I was beneath them. There wasn’t a reason for them to talk about me. Then I leave college town and ::sigh::

So I might be running away but I am also tired…tired of people in general. They don’t get the response they want then screw you. I can’t describe/complain about it anymore. I don’t get it. I’m tired of trying to think like them. Someone once said that was dangerous…I’m starting to agree.

So no more school for me. I wonder what my grade will be. I still have a chance to make an “A” even after today’s testing disaster but I’m not expecting one. OH FUCK! I’m not going to know what I made on my test. 😦 Pity. Whatever.

I’m so weary. So sick of people not getting it. Yes you are the motherfucking social goddess. I bow to you. lol.
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Why is Obama on my tv? I thought Bill Maher told him to quit this crap? I could like totally turn like the channel. I’m actually listening to Obama’s book “Audacity of Hope” on audio mp3 at work. Anyhow, my problem with ANY health care talk is if I LOSE my job, I don’t have an emergency fund to buy health insurance. The cost doesn’t matter. I have to pay my mortgage etc. Sure if you have $20,000+ saved you can dip into that IF you choose to. I have $250 in my ER fund. Now what would MY options be if I lose my job? None? Fine. Just say it, you know?
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Um, I will probably do my internet free day every Sunday. It seems to be the day with the less time. On Sundays I will:

-read leisurely
-watch 1 movie (rarely do that these days)
-write in my paper journal
-go on the porch with my cat
-go for a walk (I’ve only done that once recently), other exercise
-read my Buddhism “bible”/meditate/read about buddhism
-boring stuff (make sure house stays organized, cook, iron)

So there it is. Internet free Sundays. I also went TV free yesterday until 8PM. I didn’t know anything about the Perez Hilton thing (and still don’t know). When I turned on the TV, I heard that the SC governor was missing. Just not being “connected” for 4-5 hours, and all this stuff happened that I still don’t know the details of.

Sundays will be all internet free and no TV for the first 5-6 hours after I wake up. In the winter, this will be hard and I will probably change it.

One more thing: NO MORE CHECKING MY COUNTER ON THIS BLOG (or the music blog but I rarely check that anyways).

What is this New Year’s?

Gotta go.

asocial in a social world part II

Intrusion

Intrusive – characterized by intrusion b: intruding where one is not welcome or invited

My therapist wants me to look at people and smile. Do unto others as you want them to do to you, right? Well that is exactly what I do. I think everybody does it. A person who is ‘rude’ to you doesn’t care if they get treated that way. That is what they WANT. I put rude in quotes because what I consider rude and what others consider rude is completely different. I don’t care if someone speaks to me, smile, holds the door open etc. And I’m mystified when people actually complain about this.

Rude to me is talking/laughing about someone within earshot, total disregard for a person’s feelings and walking by someone AND PUTTING THEIR HEAD DOWN while walking by. I just look in a general direction. I don’t physically move my head and dismiss you. I agree this is weird to get in a hissy about. I think it comes from my mom. She would always complain about it while I was growing up. That is one of the few things I picked up from my mom. LOL.

So looking at a person/staring is wrong for me to do. Do I want other people to do it to me? No. So how can I do it to others? I have a conscious. People can tell me that ‘other people don’t care’. blah. blah. I just can’t be so intrusive. I don’t want to invade your world without permission. It’s being nosy.

This is the strange part. The part that makes me so “crazy”.

Staring at someone is intrusive. There. Standing behind me and looking at me while I’m working = intrusive. (Unless there is a reason for it, of course). Celebs would agree with me but since I’m not a celeb this makes me a bitch, right? I don’t care. All throughout high school and even NOW people staring at me equal something bad. During school, they would laugh at my cheap outfits, my hair, or just my looks in general. That is the past. That was high school…Um, why is it still happening now?

For some reason, it seems to happen most often in fast food places. I’m not sure why. Recently, I was waiting for my food. These girls/women (I didn’t turn around) were laughing at me. This happens often when I go out. Maybe I look strange. I do have an odd gait, I’ve been told. But only people @ work make fun of my walk. This makes me feel like I’m really not human.

So that is why I consider people staring at me intrusive. I can’t make a face without someone judging it. Once I was listening to a morning show and reacting. Another person thought it was about her. HELLO? I have earphones on.

I don’t know how to change my feeling about intrusion. (therapy – ha). When people look at me, bad things happen. My therapist says I don’t have to change my reactions. Uh, I guess I’m very dramatic with facial expressions. I think I’m so used to being alone and being able to look however I want without judgment. Suddenly I’m out there, and these people are judging me (incorrectly most of the time).

Staring = looking @ someone w/o any intention of speaking, or looking just to look etc.