where I belong

Who is going to see TORI KELLY on April 23rd in Washington D.C.? AHHHH!


They were trying to give me 16th-row seats. Hell no. I turned that offer down for 15 whole minutes. I wanted front row seats, but I ended up with a 4th-row seat. Not too shabby. Sigh. I know a better seat will be available later. UGH. I’ll settle with sitting in the fourth row.

Believe it or not, I have never been to DAR Constitution Hall in DC. So that’ll be cool. I’m not looking forward to paying $20 for parking. That’s DC for ya. But at least, I get to book my parking spot online in advance.

I would say no more concerts for the remainder of 2016 and 2017 BUT, John Mayer is in the studio right now. So there is a chance if I can get a really good seat, I’ll see him. I’ve seen him in concert twice so…There aren’t that many people I want to see live. I can’t believe I’m going to two concerts this year, and it is only January!

I gotta go back to work. lol. Tori Kelly. Fourth row! YEAH!

My top 20 albums of 2015

Here is my personal list of the top 20 albums of 2015:

20. Fall Out Boy – American Beauty/American Psycho

19. Leona Lewis  – I Am

18. Jewel – Picking Up The Pieces

17. Maddie & Tae – Start Here

16. Beth Hart – Better Than Home

15. A Great Big World – When the Morning Comes

14. Rico Love – Turn the Lights On

13. Demi Lovato – Confident

12. Janet Jackson – Unbreakable

11. Alessia Cara – Know-It-All

10. Chris Stapleton – Traveller

9. James Bay – Chaos and the Calm

8. Adele – 25

7. Florence + the Machine – How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

6. Marina & the Diamonds – FROOT

5. Original Broadway Cast – Hamilton

4. Tori Kelly – Unbreakable Smile

3. Maria Mena – Growing Pains

2. Ellie Goulding – Delirium

1. Carly Rae Jepsen – Emotion

I’ll take a tragedy over a fairytale

Warning: I’m all over the place.

Work is kicking my ass. That’s the norm, though. But it’s worse during this time of year. Sometimes – okay  a lot of times – I want a less challenging job. I don’t know if that’s the right thing for me. Yeah, I want an easy job. LOL. I’ll be honest. I feel that way a lot of times. Not every day. However, I am not currently on that path.

Don’t expect cohesive thoughts. I’m just rambling. I’m currently reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown. I can tell you about parts I disagree with later. One thing I do know is that people don’t like seeing the darkness. They only like the good outcomes. Hollywood movies are dumbed down for this very reason. It’s not a big deal. Just a pet peeve of mine.

I saw a poll that said that 73% of Americans live in fear of a terrorist attack. I’m thinking WTF???! I see people (rarely). They are not living in fear. I know fear. That is the one freaking thing I know. And I know there is no way 7 out of 10 Americans are living in fear.

The question was: How certain are you that a terrorist attack will happen in America? 73% are certain. Duh. Not shocking. I agree.  But that is far from living in fear. Why is the media reporting it that way? They have to know the difference. (Do they need a psych major to go over research methods?) So yes, it will happen BUT they (we) aren’t living in fear.

Syrians have hundreds of  people dying DAILY by bombing. In other words, what happened in Paris last week happens daily there. Something to think about…It doesn’t only happen in Syria, of course.

Donald Trump is getting on my nerves now. He was tolerable and a slightly funny idea at one point. I’m not laughing anymore. He’ll probably be the next president of the United States. Buddha, help us all. Things change and hopefully that will too. If it is a Republican, I don’t want Carson either. He knows nothing. Sorry for being harsh.

I’m having a cheat day Thursday and Friday and I already feel guilty. Friday won’t be as bad as Thursday. But I’m having 2 red velvet cupcakes on both days. NAUGHTY!

I saw Fifty Shades of Grey. #Late How could I not mention this? I went into it with an open mind. No judgement. It was bad, but not the worst movie ever. I just didn’t care for it. I don’t want to see any sequel. I have no interest in reading the book. I thought the casting was good. That is the most positive thing I can say. And even though I haven’t read the book, I bet the movie was better. It had to be.

I checked out tickets for the Dixie Chicks. Um, shame on someone. Those tickets are so expensive. A front row seat costs hundreds of dollars! Screw them. (Okay, not really). Do people remember when tickets used to go on sale about 2 months before the show? Or am I just making that up? Selling tickets 6 months in advance is a little much. Everyone is doing it now. Sucks.

I’m still taking more than the recommended amount of Afrin. That will end soon when I get my drug-free medicine from Amazon. I ordered a bottle of Simply Saline Nasal Mist. I’m so glad I won’t have to worry about overdosing on it. I will probably stil take Afrin once a day since I just brought a new bottle over the weekend. I know – what was I thinking? I just want to breathe.

I should probably get ready to go to bed. Loooong day tomorrow. I was just reading Rising Strong and thinking. I didn’t even write about what I initially was thinking. haha. Oops.

I tend to shut people out

OMG. People are still defending Bill Cosby! I’m looking at Whoopi Goldberg – a person I like.  For the record, I have never liked Cosby and I’ve always thought he was a jerk. Okay, maybe I did watch the Cosby Show growing up but ever since the late 90s, I’ve disliked him. So when all this came out, no surprise to me. I hope he has stopped raping women.


It’s funny how people judge success. What is it? 2.5 kids, home ownership, a significant other and exceptional grammar? That is not my definition of success. Obvs. Success to me is living the life you want. Whatever that may be. Considering my life and my abilities,  I’m successful. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m putting people with extreme social anxiety down. I’m not looking down on them OR thinking they could simply do better if they had motivation. I’m not one of those people…I never thought I would be able to get a job. Ever. I think my fear of that has motivated me in spite of my disabilities.

With my social anxiety and panic attacks, I should be homeless. So anything above that is a win. I’m not trying to be funny. All the doctors I’ve seen say I have the most severe case of social anxiety they’ve seen. I see everything I have as a blessing. I don’t compare myself to Susie because Susie doesn’t have SA so why would I compare my accomplishments to hers? That doesn’t make sense. Susie may look down on me. Whatevs. That has nothing to do with me. That’s all on him or her.

Don’t get me wrong. There have been times when I compared myself to the Susies of the world. But then I realize what they have and what I have. The comparisons need to stop. It’s pointless.

Well this is the only me that I know how to be
Sorry if that don’t fit your reality
I’m giving one hundred percent of me
So take it or leave
Whether you’re in or out
This is what I’m about


I got my Tori Kelly CD in the mail. I ordered it on Sunday and received it Monday. Awesome. 🙂  I want to share some of her music. So here goes:

This is an oldie…from 2013. 😉 Tori Kelly – Dear No one

This is her current single: Should’ve Been Us

One of my  favorite live versions of Nobody Love

Tori @ The House of Blues in Anaheim:

I’ll stop now. I hope to see her on tour in the fall. ??? A girl can dream.


Now I have to go post another eBay auction.


The (slow?) Death of MSNBC.

When I realized it was really happening, I was sad. I’ve been watching MSNBC for over a decade. Prior to that, I used to watch CSPAN a lot. It’s just sad. Less than 2 years ago, Phil Griffin (the prez of the channel) was saying he wanted MSNBC to be the answer to Fox News. Now? It’s over. Ronan Farrow and Joy Reid shows being cancelled is only the first step. There will be a lot of changes. They are going for a “straight” news approach. When I want to watch straight news, I watch CNN.

Ed Shultz can kiss his show goodbye. Al Sharpton is soooo gone. My real concern is: what will happen to prime time? The moment Rachel Maddow is gone, MSNBC is officially dead. What will happen to Chris Hayes? I know he can do straight news but he would probably be so bored by that. I think Griffin will get rid of a ton of people. And I  am hoping, Chris Hayes is NOT on the list. I know he’ll always be around (somewhere) but I like having him on doing liberal news each night.

I can’t believe how sad I am over this. It’s like a part of my life is slowly being torn away. (dramatic, much?) I think Morning Joe, Tamron Hall, Andrea Mitchell, Chris Matthews and Jose Diaz-Balart will stay for sure. Maybe Alex Wagner too. The weekends have sucked for a while. I like Steve Kornacki but not his show. It’s too nerdy and I’m a total nerd. I love Melissa Harris-Perry but her show is extremely repetitive from week to week My god, who is the producer? I still watch her show sometimes but I usually can’t watch for the whole 2 hours.

Remember when Up With Chris Hayes was the best. show. ever. ??? Talk about being sad to see a great show go. I NEVER missed his show when I was home and if I wasn’t home, I would stalk the site to watch it online.

Oh well. All good things must come to an end. I think I’m going to stop watching it during the day. I will check in with  prime-time as long as Rachel, Chris and Lawrence are on. During this time of year, I’m usually watching sports so I don’t watch much cable news at night.

I have to blame liberals for this one. They act like they are too good to watch TV. “I don’t even own a TV”. Thanks a lot. I’ll probably go back to watching CSPAN. Maybe I will really learn something. 😉

I do it for the love

I booked my 3 day/night birthday vacay! woohoo! I was so worried someone would book it before I had the money. The last and first time I went to this state park was in 2013. I’m staying in a 1 bedroom cabin. It is really nice and most of all the quietest place in the world! That is why I’m going. Without TV or the internet, I will miss keeping up with the news. I already told my mom to text me if something important happens. I will be telling her again before I go. Of course her idea of important and my idea of important are not the same. (The New England Patriots did what???!)

I ordered my plum paper planner two weeks and one day ago. They said it could take 3-4 weeks. Why am I still obsessively checking my email to see if it shipped? Besides I can’t start using it until March anyway. Some people get theirs quickly. I customized mine PLUS I said don’t start it until March so why should they rush it? That makes business sense. But I still want to hold it in my hands.  I’ll have it by February 10th and then I’ll be complaining about not being able to use it until March. (WHY DID I START IT IN MARCH?)  The Bloom Planner is working out fine but without the sections, everything is so messy.

I’m thinking about skipping spin class tomorrow. I don’t want to use the New Year people as an excuse but that is part of the reason. Last week the class was full for the first time since I started going. All the regulars know they have to get there even earlier to get a bike they like. I have a test I really need to take so…yeah I’m staying in tomorrow to work on that. I don’t know how long the class will stay full. I have to go back eventually.

This Week I…

Music for the week: Paloma Faith, Ella Henderson, Mary Lambert, Jazmine Sullivan, Jessie J, D’Angelo, Carrie Underwood, Sam Smith

Song of the week: Ellie Goulding – Love Me Like You Do (from the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack)

TV for the week: Transparent

Way too much sex on this show! Besides that, I don’t really give a damn about any of the characters. Okay, I kind of care what happens to the main character but the grown kids? Who gives a damn? It could be compelling but they screwed it up. I don’t get the appeal of this show. I’m on episode 7 or 8. I probably will finish the season but I won’t be watching the next season…if there is one.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I finished Coming Clean: A Memoir by Kimberly Rae Miller. I could really relate to Kimberly…especially after she revealed how shy she is (or was???). Good book. Now I’m reading Get Rich, Lucky Bitch!: Release Your Money Blocks and Live a First Class Life (love the title. haha) and Training the Best Dog Ever: A 5-week Program Using the Power of Positive Reinforcement. I already feel like I’m being pretty positive around him. I only bitch about him in this blog. 😉

Knitting projects of the week: Will I ever finish the purple cowl? That is the only thing I worked on this week. I haven’t been knitting much. I’m trying to finish a course by January 27.

My top 20 albums of 2014

My top 20 albums of 2014

1. D’Angelo – Black Messiah

2. Ed Sheeran – X

3. Mary J. Blige – The London Sessions

4. Sam Smith – In the Lonely Hour

5. Mary Lambert – Heart on My Sleeve

6. Mariah Carey – Me. I am Mariah….

7. Tristan Prettyman – Back to Home

8. Sharon Van Etten –  Are We There

9. Jessie J – Sweet Talker

10. Mary J. Blige – Think Like a Man Too (soundtrack)

11. Lea Michele – Louder

12. Lucy Hale – Road Between

13. A Great Big World – Is Anybody Out There?

14. Taylor Swift – 1989

15. Ani DiFranco – Allergic to Water

16. Ariana Grande – My Everything

17. Magic! – Don’t Kill The Magic

18. Amy Ray – Goodnight Tender

19. Train – Bulletproof Picasso

20. Jennifer Nettles – That Girl


I hope I got all of the album titles right. Honorable mentions include: Sia, Melissa Etheridge, Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. 2014 was a great year for music. It started out a little slow. I hope 2015 is even better. People keep saying albums are going to die…I hope not!!! What would I do with my life then? 😉

dat booty booty

I’m working on Thanksgiving (and on that Friday and Saturday) but I’m off for 2 days in mid November so it all works out. I have never left my house on Black Friday…however, this year I’m considering going to craft/yarn stores to see if they have anything on sale. I only need yarn to make my cardigan. Do craft stores cut yarn prices on Black Friday? I have no clue. More importantly, will there be any yarn left by the time I get there since I’m working that morning? I should just stick to online.


Why do people vote in presidential elections and not in mid-terms? I don’t enjoy voting (ha!) but I vote every year. I wouldn’t waste my time just voting for the president. What’s the point? C’mon people! Pay attention! /end public service announcement What? Do these people have, like, a life and whatnot? smirk.

I voted for the first time in my new neighborhood during my lunch break. No lines. So easy. I hope they have more booths for a presidential election otherwise it will be ugly.


Aiming to piss off more people…Let’s talk “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. I don’t ever listen to music on the radio so I didn’t hear the song until this week. #late I knew it existed because I follow the Billboard charts like it’s my religion. The song has been in the top 5 forever. As of last week it was the #1 song in America and probably still is #1. Anyhow, it could be the perfect pop song. It’s cute. Nice chorus. etc. etc. But these lyrics ruin the whole song:

Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size
She says, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night”.

WHO CARES WHAT BOYS THINK? Or anyone? Why does it always have to be about what “they” want? So it is only okay if someone else is attracted to it? FUCK THAT. Embrace your booty or whatever because it’s okay with you!

I complain about my weight (140lbs – OMG!). Yes I would like to lose ten pounds but it isn’t for anyone else. It is for me because I let myself go since I started working at home. It was so much easier for me to exercise when I was out and about. I just want to get the ‘old me’ back for myself.  I don’t care whether John Doe is attracted to me. In fact, I would prefer if he not be but that is a whole other topic.

Wait…I have to confess something. It did feel good when people used to ask me, “Do you eat?” Or say “Wow you are soooo skinny”. But I know that will never happen again. And I’m totally (totes!) at peace with that. I don’t need that. Besides it wasn’t like I was working out daily or deserved what they were saying. It was my metabolism at work NOT ME.

It’s a crazy kind of world to survive

I got a VIP ticket to see Britney Spears! YAY. 🙂 It didn’t cost a lot. It was the same price as a regular seat. All I had to do was wait two weeks before the show. I studied other shows so I knew this would happen. Of course I have concerns about this seat. I’ll start with the pros. I am seated in the front. That’s the obvious one. I get to skip the line and go right in. I guess a pro for some would be the free champagne (Moet & Chandon – not unlimited drinks) but I’m not big on champagne. No poster, laminate or meet and greet like the real VIPs get.  $$$$

The cons are that we are sitting at a table. That is awkward. Even normal people have said that sitting with strangers at shows are awkward. If they said that, imagine how it will be for me! I’m apprehensive about that. I’d rather have a real seat. I had trouble deciding between VIP and an aisle seat  beside the mix board. Same price, different view. But I thought about how close I would be to Brit….and ugh, I chose close up. The other con is the whole standing vs. sitting thing. I want to stand (while taking breaks when my feet hurt). But if everyone at VIP is so chill then I will be chill too. lol. I just feel like the vibe might be different. Should I have gotten the seat beside the mix board? I won’t know until after the show. Too late now.

Regardless, I’m so excited. This is surreal. Not only am I going to a Britney Spears concert but I’m going in VEGAS. Really??! So bizarre. Vegas is 2,500 miles from where I live.  Oh and I can’t tell anyone in real life about this. They would only judge me for wasting money on a concert. They don’t live for music like I do. They would never understand so I won’t tell them. Keeping a secret like this will be hard because Britney will be a huge part of my Vegas experience.

And it is true that I can’t afford to go to Vegas. It started with a phone call on May 1, 2014. I said “yes” and I can’t take it back. There is a money penalty if I don’t go so it is cheaper to go. I have never once in my life wanted to go to Vegas before May. I just love to travel and I got a great deal on a huge suite so I said yes in a moment of weakness. Now I won’t answer my phone if I don’t recognize the number. Well I usually did that anyway but the person from Florida kept calling (and not leaving messages) and I got curious. I have a hard time saying “no” even when it will cost me money.

Oh well. That decision is over now. I will try to have fun in Vegas. I still need to do a budget. I’m not looking forward to that. They have a TopShop on The Strip and I would loooove to buy one thing but I know it isn’t wise.  I have loved TopShop from afar for years. At least I finally get to go to the store.

Vegas in 13 days!

Am I really blogging about Vegas again? I’m telling you that is all that is going on in my life. Work is kicking my ass. I don’t know whether a break will help. Sigh. Back to the grind.



No ways tired/can’t give up now

I’M OFFICIALLY GOING TO VEGAS. I meant to yell. 😉 I’m going from October 14 – Oct 17. As of right now, I’m 85% sure I’m going by myself but something could change with someone else. I’m staying in a hotel on the middle of the Strip. I’m staying at the Elara. It has great reviews on Trip Advisor.


  • the location. It is right next to the mall and Planet Hollywood.  It is also very close to Bellagio. If you get a high enough room (over floor 30), you can get a great view.
  • NO casino in the hotel. YAY! I don’t plan on gambling at all but since I will be going into hotels with casinos…you never know.
  • I’m staying in a 1 bedroom suite. It has a washer/dryer, whole kitchen and dishwasher. I don’t even have a washer or dishwasher at home! :/ It is just like a condo.


  • Most guests have to pay for wi-fi. WTF? I have never had to pay for wi-fi…not even in Mexico! Ugh. I”m pretty sure I’m not paying. According to a reviewer there is a business center with 4 computers and there is always a free computer. So if I really need info, I will probably go there. I’m planning on taking a tablet. Damn. There is a Starbucks in the hotel (a pro – maybe), maybe they have free wi-fi?? I doubt it. The hotel probably wouldn’t allow that.
  • There is a possibility of getting a view of the parking lot. I have feet problems and can’t stay out all day so I will be spending some time in my room. PLEASE can I get a room with a view of the Strip?

Now I just have to pay for airfare. No biggie, right? ROFL.



Since the NBA playoffs took a little break -thanks- I watched movies. What a concept. I don’t usually blog in detail about movies but these films deserve a few words.

Enough Said: starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus, James Gandolfini and my favorite actress Catherine Keener. This movie is so cute. That is not a word I use often to describe movies I like. It is kind of predictable but I loved it. It is funny, well written etc. Definitely a must watch. You won’t regret it!

Bhutto: a documentary. IMDB describes it as….

A riveting documentary of the recently assassinated Benazir Bhutto, a polarizing figure in the Muslim world.

“Riveting” is right. Of course it was sad. The movie is also a good crash course in Pakistan history.

Twenty Feet From Stardom: Awesome film for music lovers. It won best documentary at the Oscars. I didn’t think it was that good. It is about background singers. If you are a fan of Darlene Love or my girl, Lisa Fischer, you need to watch this.

Frozen is up next. A lot of people loved this movie so I’m giving it a chance one day soon.


I’m exhausted. I’ve been getting up at 5AM everyday to work. Some days I see the results in working more than I’m supposed to and other days it’s like ‘why did I even bother?’ I don’t know. I need to make it work. Whatever. I also need to stop spending money. I have a sick dog, airfare to pay for and boards to pay for. WHY AM I SPENDING ANY EXTRA MONEY?

I suck.