Wait For It Ladies

I’ve died and gone to planner heaven…or hell. I got a 2015 Erin Condren Planner from eBay for $12 (including shipping!). It is dated from Feb. 2015 to Dec. 2015.  Here’s the catch: It is uncoiled. That is why it was so cheap. Not many people want a bunch of uncoiled pages but I do. I’m going to cut off the edges and hole punch it to fit into a 3-ring binder.  (I will post a video from Youtube on how to do this once I get my planner). It will take a loooong time to do. I hate binders because they are so big but it is the cheapest option. This planner will rarely leave the house.

The Erin Condren Life Planner (ECLP fom now on) will be for my eBay business only. Yes, I’m going to start (or continue) selling on eBay. I can’t make anything sell worthy. I have no social skills. I’m not talented. What else am I supposed to do? This is my only option. The good thing is, I like selling. But I’d rather sell at flea markets. Since I don’t enjoy being around people, that is kind of weird. Sell in person??! Anyway, eBay will do.

My point is that I will use my ECLP for everything related to my new hustle. Nothing personal will be in it. I will have plans for going to yard sales/flea markets, when auctions start and end, expenses etc. etc. I have an auction going on now. I thought I would start slow and get back into the flow of selling.

(To get $10 off a Erin Condren Planner you can use my link).

That’s not it. NO. I also got….wait for it. A Kikki.K planner! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wanted the big one so bad but I had no real use for it so I got the medium. It will replace my wallet. I got it for 50% off. It just happens to be the latest version which is purple. My favorite color is purple. (OMG – Like are u serious??!!1) Kikki.K is an Australian based company but their shipping is affordable worldwide.

Here is a video of the planner: (Skip to around the 4 minute mark to just see the planner)

I know she had a few negative things to say about the planner but at 50% off I decided it was worth it. Besides, isn’t it gorgeous?

I doubt I use this planner for planning. Shocking, I know. It will be a wallet and what I pull out at doctor’s appointments. I’ll keep track of the major things in there, of course. It will go with me everywhere. The Plum Planner (will it ever ship?) and ECLP will mostly stay home.

So in summary….My Plum Paper Family Planner is my personal planner. Everything (except ebay??) will go in there. My ECLP will be for eBay only. My Kikki.K is basically a fancy wallet. A grown up wallet. You should see the purple (!) $10 wallet I have now. It is pretty but it looks cheap. Obviously I don’t care about looks because I brought it 6 months ago and use it everyday. It will be nice to have something fancier.

I know some people don’t get why people need more than one planner but I kind of explained my reasoning in the last paragraph. Well I don’t need it but youknowwhatImean.

Planner heaven or hell? I don’t know. I haven’t gotten anything yet! My ECLP should arrive first – Friday or Saturday. Can’t wait. 🙂 Pics of the planners once they come.

there ain’t nothing like that in this girl

I have never had sex*. Never been kissed. Never held hands. Sorry, I have been on a date. But it wasn’t a good time so there! 😉

I can’t be bothered to link to the book the woman from Princeton wrote about finding a man while in college. All these articles came out. Whatever. I’ve been drawn to the comment section. (If it is something about politics or race, I don’t read the comments. People are sooo ugh!) And over and over again, people say “When you’re older, you’re going to wish you had someone”. blah, blah etc.

We’re not as stupid as you think. We see couples everywhere. We know how this works. Life is easier with a good partner. There is so much stuff in my life that would not have happened or would have happened if I had a partner. However, nothing in me is lonely. I can’t even live in an apartment. How am I supposed to live with someone? LOL. I know most people don’t have the issues I do but the point is maybe living without a partner outweighs living with someone for some people. Do I really need to point out people are different again because I swear 90% of the population can’t grasp that concept.

(*I have had the opportunity to have sex and boy, am I glad I ran away. Yes I ran to my car and took off. Oh, what a night. I was so relieved to be back in my dorm room. So thankful.)

I would have more money. More opportunities. More help….if I just dated? or whatever I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t know. I’m not in that game. I didn’t get the rule book. Fuck the rules. I’m doing it my way. Yes it is harder. But nothing makes me what to shack up with someone or even date. Well…..maybe if I had a partner, he/she could fix my mailbox, mow my lawn, help with my bills, etc.  Maybe I should look into this lifestyle. Just kidding. 🙂 I can see why it is tempting though. I can offer stuff too. LOL. Just not cooking or cleaning. Me no do either. When I was  19, a customer at work wanted to know how I was going to get a man since I couldn’t cook. If she could only see me now. ROFL.


Today was so stressful at work. I can’t even be coherent so I should go. I don’t think I made a point at all. hahaha.


Believe it or not, this snow shutdown the city for two days. It was more about ice than snow.

front yard
front yard

Like my view? I hope it stays that way but things are happening…..too scary to type out.

My Life Philosophy

Nothing deep here. I don’t have time to really get into it. I just feel inspired to post something right now (even though I should be doing school work).

My life probably doesn’t make sense to most people. lol. I find it freeing to live the life I do. No major obligations (but I still have crap to do). It’s not complete freedom. I wish it was! It’s hard to explain. I see life as something that has to be endured but in the end, you die.* There is comfort in knowing death is coming. My nightmare would be to live forever. Often times I feel if there is a god, he/she will make me live forever (or until 85) as a form of punishment.

I value freedom deeply. Freedom to live. Freedom to die. Freedom to do whatever. I value other things too (justice etc.) But my #1 value is probably freedom. That is how I make most of my decisions.  I know some people would judge this as a bad way to live but whose life is it? Oh, I also value security too. I can judge that as a bad value for myself. It is too confining.  How do you balance freedom and security?  Things are always changing so is there EVER security? I need to let “security” go.

This is in no way finished but I really have to go.

*I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I do believe in reincarnation. It’s something I rarely think about though.
Off to do school work for one hour, then nap, then more school work.

You and me eating mangos in a mango tree

I feel like a failure. Not because orientation at the animal shelter went horribly. It wasn’t a total disaster like most of my social situations are.  I was on 2mg of clonazepam which is a lot for me. I could semi-smile like a normal person. But the coordinator still asked me if I was comfortable. Obviously I looked scared.

I just didn’t expect to suck with two legged animals and the four legged ones. It was hard trying to get the dog back into the kennel. Ugh, I’m not good with handling excited or scared animals. I forgot what a 2-5 year old dog is like. (My dog is 16). They have so much energy! Of course they didn’t want to go back into the kennel.

This is another issue but I’m terrified to pick up my guinea pigs too. I sort of know how. I’m just scared to. Between not getting the dogs back into the kennel and not being able to get my guinea pigs out for free time…#majorfail

Am I going back? Probably at least once more. I have to make it soon or I’ll keep putting it off and never go back. I’m so glad we didn’t have to commit to a schedule. I was worried about that. I think I want to go on weekdays. I’m shooting for next Thursday for an hour.

The above probably doesn’t make sense. I typed this up within 3 hours of getting back from the animal shelter. I’m still frazzled. I feel defeated about so many things at the moment.


Big diet change:

I’m planning on going gluten free in a week or two…once all of my food I recently brought runs out. However, I won’t be eating “gluten free food” because I am also trying to lose weight and that would defeat that purpose. Besides “gluten free food” is expensive. I have done hours of research and my grocery bill would be as much as my car note! I can’t afford that. I’m not sure I can even afford to go gluten free without specialty foods but I know it is cheaper.

I plan on eating mostly baked chicken, fish, eggs, and nuts. Exciting.

Why am I going on this diet now? Because I recently found out that a gluten free diet helps people with schizophrenia and autism. SOLD. That is all I needed to know. Much more to come. The book Wheat Belly would make a lot of people want to go gluten free.

The Childfree Life

child freeee!
child freeee!

WOW! Look at that cover. Thank you, Time for using the word CHILDFREE. Thank you so much! YAYAY CHILDFREE – Score.

I feel like people think it is some made up word but childless is the wrong term. Less implies lack. I don’t know much but I do know my life isn’t lacking due to not having kids. I’m lacking in many areas but not that one.

Sorry for the outburst but when I saw this cover this morning I was so excited. I can’t wait to read the whole article. (From what the author said on TV, I think this won’t be a negative article…but who knows).

The decision to have a child or not is a private one, but it takes place, in America, in a culture that often equates womanhood with motherhood. Any national discussion about the struggle to reconcile womanhood with modernity tends to begin and end with one subject: parenting. If you’re a woman who’s not in the mommy trenches, more often than not you’re excluded from the discussion.

Yep, we’re ignored but as less people have kids the discussion will change.  Or maybe the birthrate will go back up when the economy gets better.

I have to LOL at the pic they chose for the cover…as if being childfree means no problems and just chilling all the time. NOT!

Here are some more goodies:

I Just Don’t Want a Child

And here is a bonus video…….
Happy childfree day! 😉 (no it is isn’t official)

Everyone’s Waiting

My uncle has stage IV cancer. 😦 😦 I’m hoping for a miracle. We are huge Laker fans. I know that seems silly but these are the things I will think about. We have the sports thing in common. We watch college and pro football (not together). He LOVES Prince. I don’t. He helped me moved my stuff back from college twice. He helped me through tropical storm Isabel when I thought my car would flood.  He is my mother’s best friend.

I love my uncle. 😦


Now onto my other uncle. He has diabetes. He didn’t have health insurance for a couple of years. Now he has cataracts and can’t stand for long periods. He almost fell while just standing still in his home. This is due to not having health insurance. He is now old enough to have medicare. (And yes, he was working the whole time.) We live in America. This is what is happening to people. fuck. Some people DIE in fucking America because we don’t have universal healthcare. +1 for Obama, I guess.

Yep, America is #1.


/end ranting. Sorry


Picture time or should I say scrapbook time? In the past my scrapbook was mostly about my dreams but I got sick of looking at my photos on the computer so I thought why not add them to my dream book and call it a scrapbook? My book isn’t fancy. I barely spend a dime on it. I don’t even try to make it neat. However, I am thinking about doing Project Life for 2013. I guess that is a little fancy. 🙂 Even though it costs money (about $50 a year – for me), I’m glad to spend it because her stuff is made in the USA.

I was so excited to get my pictures on Saturday. I checked the mailbox three times. One thing I googled was “Scrapbooking without kids” because I noticed that a lot of (okay almost all) scrapbookers seem to have kids. Even though I don’t use templates, I can’t help but notice that a lot of stuff is kid centered. I didn’t find a lot. Most of it was how to scrapbook with your kids. SCREAM. But I did find this awesome video:

NEWSFLASH: People without kids have lives too. It is hard to believe. We have pets, problems, we travel, we work, we spend time with friends and family, we volunteer, we have hobbies, we get married or choose to be single, we love taking photos, we exist! WE LIVE without kids. I don’t know how we do it. It is soooo hard. 😉

Project Life is not exclusively for people with kids. I can use everything in the kit as a childfree person….otherwise I wouldn’t buy it. I can’t wait for 2013. GEEK! Another reason I want to try Project Life because it encourages you to write in your scrapbook. I never used to write in my dream/scrap book until I saw the kit on the website. I used to only journal in my um, journal.

Note: If you want to see a truly great artist who also journals with pictures and words head over to gingerblue.com (after you finish reading this entry, of course!)

Back to the video. Why do I “scrapbook”? I want to record my dreams, my visions and where I’ve been. It is pretty simple. Some of my dreams (like working from home) from my dream pages have come true. So when I’m looking for stuff in magazines & newspapers, I keep that in mind. Below are the new pages I created. These sheets are for my 2010-2012 dream/scrapbook.

hippie chic

(those are just some of the places I MUST make it too)

no talent

I have something in common with Albert Einstein!


I cropped off the picture of me on the beach.


My old family. 😦 It no longer exists.

central park
serving you?
jewelry designer

The woman in the picture designs her own jewelry, has her own store. Inspiration!

john mayer

Had to do a John Mayer page. I really do need a better pen. 😉


I’m not done with my 2010-2012 book yet. I still have some pics to use. Plus I hope going to North Carolina in November will give me more pages. Not your typical scrapbook, I know. But I love it. (Am I allowed to say that? haha)

I’m coming out

Me: I’m not gay but I’m not straight either. Um, I’m not heterosexual.

Her: What? What do you mean by that?

Me: I’m asexual.

Her: Oh. You are just you!

ROFL. Can I really expect a straight normal person to know what asexuality is? NOPE*. ‘Her’ is my therapist. I guess I wanted some ideas on how to say “I’m asexual” to LGBT people. But I won’t get it from her. 😉 Anyhow, I came up with “I’m definitely not straight but I don’t really know how to identify“. Ugh, is that okay? That is too long for me to say. Fuck it. I’m asexual. Get it?

(*I also had to explain to her what LGBT meant! oh dear I say it fast like it is a word. Doesn’t everyone?).

No. I could just say “I’m not straight” or “I’m questioning”. LIES! But if I have to identify as asexual, I’m not going to the LGBT pride fest in September. I don’t feel comfortable…and I still feel like it shouldn’t matter. However, at a pride rally (if I were a friendly normal person) someone would probably ask.

This so wouldn’t matter if I weren’t going but I just want to see what it feels like. See if I feel somewhat ‘normal’ there. I would do anything to feel or BE normal…even if just for an hour. That is probably my ultimate dream. Yes, I’m placing a lot of pressure on the event and on myself. I feel like this is my only chance.

So that’s that. (?)

Oh and Tina Fey‘s character on 30 Rock is a good example of an asexual. Aren’t they smart, well rounded, cute and sexy? 😉

I’m having my ultrasound next Tuesday. I’m bummed because I have to miss half a day of training at work. This will be my only miss. We just started with training and I feel like I can catch up because there is a lot of review going on. I will tell my manager and trainer that this will be my only miss – unless I have an ulcer or something is so wrong with my gallbladder that it must be removed NOW. Otherwise I will wait until I can take time off in October.

I was shocked that the doctor’s office even called me back to schedule the ultrasound. My other PCP would not have called and that is why I only went there once and switched to another doctor. It took them a week to call but at least they called. I just wish I wasn’t missing any work and that I could eat before my appointment.

I brought a how-to jewelry making DVD from Ebay. I’m half watching it now. This is sort of like my porn. I get more turned on by music though. Wire jewelry making is hot. Whew.

Oh and that sexy women post isn’t happening. I’m totally into MEN right now. Oooh, but one day I was channel surfing and saw Jwoww on TV and….jaw dropping.


You’re welcome. 🙂 Am I a hypocrite because I resent when men think of women as pieces of meat? I don’t think so but I won’t get into that right now. I come at it from not just looks but also personality. I saw Jwoww (sp?) give an interview a couple of years ago and she blew me away. Forget it. It’s complicated. Basically looks alone do not turn me on AT ALL.

I’m supposed to be moving my stuff today. AGAIN. This is the second try. I’m nervous. I hope it works out. :/

now I’m not sure enough to be so certain

BREAKING NEWS: I think I might be open to “dating” an asexual as long as he or she (95% sure it would be a she) never wants to live together. I have never dated. Well, I’ve been on one date with a heterosexual guy about 10 years ago. LOL. It was bad. He wanted sex and a wife**** (!!!) and well, I’m not into that so…I think I like girls more. Yeah girls rock. I need to do a sexy girl post. Show off my shallow side. Just pictures of sexy women. Not that men aren’t hot. I drool over men just as much as a straight girl. NOT men that I know. Never. Or women I know for that matter.

Oops, yes I used the word “sexy” but I’m not thinking of sex. You don’t want to know what I think of sex. TMI

***I’m not wife material. I don’t clean or cook for myself. So of course I not doing it for someone else. Hilarious. I’m soooo not that. But this guy wanted that. ROFL. Me?? A wife??! UGH! I wanted to runaway as soon as I heard him say that. Dude, seriously? Plus I probably won’t do well with the whole meet the parents thing. I don’t do that stuff either. (I did try to runaway at various opportunities but couldn’t until the end…when he started talking about SEX. I’m so glad I got away. I could have had horrible sex with some guy but I didn’t. That was one thing in my life I did right. Actually I felt like I had an angel looking over me. I know if he had not left me alone for that few minutes, I would have ended up in the bed with him).

Not that I could ever be in a traditional relationship. I don’t want that at all. (see above: wife material) I don’t want anything right now. I can’t handle people right now. But I could be open to possibility of a  nontraditional “relationship” with another asexual or anything other than heterosexual. (No offense).

I think I’m going to a LGBT event in September. I have every intention on going. I want to go…I wish the lineup were better but I feel like this may be the only way to be with um, like-minded people. (???) I can’t find weird people anywhere! (except on the internet which I’m not counting). Where are they hiding? Oh god, does that sound like an insult? It is not supposed to be. I’m not a people person, never will be. But what happens if I leave my house and there are cool people around? What happens?

Will I still feel rejected and like myself? Or could it be an awakening? Damn, that Rachael Sage concert for making me believe this was possible. 😉 I’m feeling kind of out of my element right now. Asexuality/sexuality is not a big part of my life and I probably won’t blog about it anymore unless something happens.

I have my monthly therapy appointment this Friday. She knows I’m currently overwhelmed with school so she isn’t making me do much. Thanks somebody for getting it. I’ll be so glad when summer school is over. Guess what? I’m NOT going back in the Fall. YAY! 🙂 Even though I only have one (very expensive) class left to take. I get to read books for fun. That is what I really miss when I’m in school.

Of course there are other reasons why I’m not going back in the fall. $$$ being one. And work is working me. I have to work off the clock to keep up. Like I said in my last entry, I can’t take a day off for the next three months because I’m in training. This is a ton of work. It is like being in school. I’m learning a whole new system. So once school is over (in a few weeks – thank Buddha), I will be concentrating on work. Even the people who have been there years longer than I have don’t get the new system so I’m not optimistic about all this. It is really a mess.

Enough about work. Back to therapy. My therapist is always wondering how I’m supposed to meet people. If I mention the LGBT thing, she’ll be proud. We might end up talking about my nonexistent (?) ulcer or my living situation. It’s only 1 hour a month so the everything doesn’t always get covered.

I haven’t heard back from the doctor’s office. I’m feeling okay so I’m not rushing to schedule the ultra sound. I’m swamped with work and school. No time for doctor.

I mailed my short sale application on June 25. They didn’t get. !!! WTF. Do you know how much work and stress I put into that? I ignored my school work. They didn’t get it? I put $2.00 worth of postage on there. That was $1.00 too much. AHHHHH! I’m trying not to freak out about this. (good job)

Heavy Boots

Yoga wasn’t so great today. I was too self conscious so it was my fault. The neighbors are back after being gone for 3 weeks. I hate people.  I was grateful when they were gone. I said my “thank yous” daily. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I’m so not looking forward to that.

I should be working on a paper I have due but arugh school sucks. I’m being super positive in this entry. It is what I do. Edit: I just turned in the crappiest paper.

I wanted to blog about coming out as asexual. I want to believe that people don’t care. Who cares about who I’m not sleeping with? Why should it matter? And I don’t think the majority of LGBT people are familiar with asexuality. I could be really wrong about that. I’m sure they are more familiar than the rest of the population but I have a hard time believing that asexuality is seen as normal within that group.  But if I went to a meetup* of LGBT people, would  I have to explain it? I couldn’t just say “I’m asexual” like a person would say “I’m gay”. I would have to say more. And why would I want to do that?

It’s funny, I just saw a post about people not believing in bisexuality. LOL. ROFL. Are you serious??? Try asexuality!! I soooooo wanted to say that but I’m shy online too. And that would open a whole can of worms. haha. I definitely believe in bisexuality. I am attracted to people…just not sexually. I am attracted to women and men. To me that is so natural. I can’t imagine it any other way.

*about the meetup of LGBT people. I found one…sort of. It isn’t that close to me but I could go once a year. I was interested but then I saw that they went back to one of their houses after doing a few other things. That is way too formal for me. I. can’t. do. that. Go to a stranger’s house? My idea would be going to the beach (which I guess is boring because no one recommended that) or just going to museums/local attractions. I guess a restaurant has to be thrown in even though that is not my thing. I know eating out is normal so I get that. But going to a person’s house? Hell naw. 😉 Plus it seems like they already know each other….obviously. I would hate being the new person and then being asexual. O god.

I think I had a point. I guess I think sexuality is private. No one needs to know what I’m doing…or errr, not doing. I do want people to know about asexuality but not through me. However, I think if I were gay/bisexual, I would probably feel totally different. I would want to be ABLE to be out. But I’m a naturally private person anyway. (That is the reason this blog is anonymous). I don’t like people knowing much about me at all. So sexuality? Yeah, none of your business. Next.

I do want people to know that there is nothing wrong with being asexual. But asexuals are only 1% of the population according to some sources. I think it is more but whatever. So what would me being out and asexual do since I’m so shy?? It is sort of a non thing to me. I’m thinking out loud which is why this entry is all over the place. It is sort of like being an atheist. Who talks about what they don’t believe in?

I’m not really conflicted over this. I don’t have anyone to come out to. You know what really made me look into LGBT meetups? The Rachael Sage concert. The people there were totally different…in a good way. I almost felt acceptance except I wasn’t because I wasn’t really me. Does that make sense?

I think if there is one group of people for me, it would have to be LGBT people. I don’t think I fit in anywhere else. Hmmm. Just thinking.

Tomorrow I’m going to the doctor for the first time in 3 years. I shall have tales of horror to blog about after that!

As cool as I am

I was feeling a little down this weekend. So I turned off the TV and computer. I listened to music instead, focusing only on the music. Most importantly I spent time outside. It was just me, my dog and my Kindle Keyboard (NOT the Fire). I enjoyed nature and got a ton of reading done. It cleared my mind. I mean, I wasn’t happy or anything. 😉 It was a great mood booster though. Yep, I have to do that more.


I’m trying to avoid certain things on the internet because it is a time waster. You click on one link then another etc. I get a lot of news from the net. With my twitter app, I don’t even have to get on the net to get news anymore. I’m still an Amazon.com fiend. That is my vice.

Something I ran across a while ago really perturbed me. I found some disturbing articles/blog posts about the childfree “movement”. ROFL.

I have to laugh. I do consider myself childfree because guess what? I don’t have kids! Why is being childfree worth noting? Because  the majority of people have kids . There is also the presumption that every human wants kids. Not having kids is a lifestyle choice for me.


  • I don’t hate kids. I don’t judge others who do. I know only ONE childfree person who actually hates kids. Despises them. That’s not me. I don’t go out of my way to avoid kids but I’m rarely around them. I mean, I try to avoid people in general so of course I’m not going to be around kids. (more on that later…) For the most part kids remind me of innocence.
  • I’m not a feminist. I was shocked to see childfreedom and feminism linked. I’m the least feminist person on the planet. I don’t even identify as female. It would probably be one of the last things I list about myself unless I know someone wants to know. I seriously think linking these two is wrong and/or a mistake. People choose not to have kids for several reasons.
  • I don’t care if others have kids BUT the way society applauds motherhood as if they are saints or something…please, can everyone agree that that is bullshit? If not, that is part of the problem. heh. It isn’t the kids or the majority of parents who are the problem. It is just society in general. If I have a kid 9 months from now, will I be worthy? (sarcasm).
  • I’m not mad or angry. I don’t care. Just don’t say stupid shit like “a woman isn’t a woman until she has kids”. WTF? Seriously. I’m not caught up in being a woman anyway so what do I care? It is just annoying. And please don’t think all woman are meant to be nurturers or parents. That is just wrong.

The whole people misunderstanding why people call themselves childfree is bothersome. We are not childless. A childless person wants kids or is thinking about maybe having them one day. We made the decision to not have kids and we couldn’t be happier with all the perks. For parents, having kids is full of perks so they are happy with their decision. They enjoy being parents. I think sane people get this.

There are extremists on both sides.

What do I care whether someone has a kid or not? Okay it kind of sucks when your friend has a kid and has no time for you because his/her life revolves around the kid. But that’s life. I haven’t had this experience directly. (Most of my acquaintances already have kids or don’t have any). But even I kind of feel like “another one got away” when someone announces “we’re pregnant!!”. It is selfish but I know that person life is going to dramatically change.

Back to the disliking kids thing: I do say I hate people…a lot. haha. PEOPLE, not kids. Yes kids are people. Call me a people-ist if you want. I don’t care. I  say it out of anger. Once I was in Wal-Mart and I did say it quite loud. Oh, and there was this time in a thrift store when a bunch of people pissed me off. When I get really angry, people are usually my target. But I also hate inanimate objects  when they piss me off so I have issues. Whatever.

Yeah, people suck when they suck. 95% of the time I am directing my anger towards adults because I think they should know better. It is hard for me to get angry at a kid.

I’m rambling now. I was just shocked at how parents viewed childfree people. Please don’t think the extremists on internet forums define all of us. I would totally watch your kids if I knew what to do.


For the record, the title of this entry is named after a Dar Williams song. I’m not cool.