I’ll stick with hell no’s

I had an unplanned cheat day on Wednesday. 😦 This is why my weight is staying steady at 125. If I weren’t cheating, I would be down to 120 by now. It’s not a weight thing. It’s more of a money thing. Why am I wasting MORE money on food? This is money I don’t have. I can’t afford it. This has to stop. Well, I did promise my mom we would go to a buffet in February or March. But I can’t eat my way through my money. This is depressing. I should know better.

I could talk politics all day, but I won’t. I swear. But can someone explain to me why Trump was in Arkansas on Wednesday when there is a primary in New Hampshire on Tuesday? If he doesn’t win NH, his run is over. I think he takes things for granted. Simple as that. Just because he is way up in the NH polls, doesn’t mean he will win.

Update on my last entry: I’m voting for Hillary in the primary as of right now. LOL. I don’t #StandWithHer. But I will vote fo her because I don’t want NOT to vote. As a liberal, I have voted for a ton of people I don’t like. You kind of get used to it. However, I won’t be mad if Bernie wins. That’s fine with me. It doesn’t matter. I’m just sick of having this anxiety over who to vote for. I usually know by now. I usually like someone by now. We vote on Super Tuesday (March 1).

It’s funny. When I hear O say she wants to vote for Hillary, I try to talk her out of it. It’s fine if I vote for her, but no one else should.

I was supposed to say more about Steven Avery. I’m still leaning towards guilty. I may have more to say later.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Sia, Hailee Steinfield, Rihanna, Ellie Goulding, Erin McCarley, Little Mix, Metric, Ariana Grande,

I don’t like the new Rihanna album. But I’ve never been a fan, so that’s not news. I tried. So many ballads. What is she thinking? The new Sia is awesome. It has an optimistic feel which may lead some people to dislike it.

The cast of Hamilton is performing at the Grammy’s! I bet that will be the best performance of the night. Sorry, Tori Kelly and Ellie Goulding. Love you guys. 😉 Tori is performing a duet with James Bay. I don’t know what Ellie is doing. Hopefully, she’s performing Love Me Like You Do or Army.

TV of the week: Mad Men, Dem forum & debate, basketball

Movie of the week: What Maisie Knew  A movie about a mom who prioritize herself over her kid. Decent movie. I didn’t enjoy it as much as everyone else, but it’s watchable and kind of cute and a little sad.

Books of the week: I finished reading  Rosemary: The Hidden Kennedy Daughter by Kate Clifford. WOW. What they did to poor Rosemary. OTOH, I can understand how desperate they must have been, but I feel bad for her. They stole her life. I also learned more about the Kennedy family. This is probably the 4th or 5th book I’ve read on them.

I’m waiting for the library to get The Black Presidency by Michael Eric Dyson. I have a hold on it. I’m #1 in line. I feel bad for saying this because I’m a fan, but I don’t think he is the best writer (yet I’ve read the majority of his books). He is a much better speaker. He is very smart. I don’t understand why his writing often leaves something to be desired. I hope this book changes my mind.

Since I’m waiting for that book to come any day now, I’m not starting anything new. I’m going back to books I own. I’m back to reading:

P.S. I’ve decided to keep a log of books read on this site. So far I only have 2016 books so there isn’t much to see.

Planner update: 

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
plans of the week

can’t make my mind up

Hillary-Clinton-and-Bernie-Sanders

I’m conflicted. Bernie or Hillary? Martin O’Malley doesn’t stand a chance, so I’m not considering him, but I do like him. I may be biased because he was the governor of Maryland. Anyway, back to the two main candidates on the Democratic side. I don’t love either. Obviously.

Hillary’s main drawbacks include her supporting Bill Clinton. Bill had some horrible policies. (jail, welfare, DOMA etc.) I won’t list them all.  Some things she actively promoted. She wasn’t just Bill’s wife. The email thing is not an issue for me. Neither is Benghazi. I think she is playing it safe. She’s saying what it takes to get elected, but she is really a moderate Democrat. Yes, that is a drawback. I’m progressive/liberal.

Bernie. Where do I begin? Can a socialist become president? Will moderates vote for him? Anything is possible. I agree with him on most things, but he has a few skeletons in his closet. Ignoring a few (minor??)  things that happened decades ago, I feel like I should be a Bernie supporter. But I’m not buying what he is selling either.

Ugh. Where is Joe Biden? I think I would be more enthusiastic for him. That is shocking to me. What is wrong with me? Am I too cynical for politics these days?

I mostly care about justice reform (including repealing the death penalty). Hillary is pro-death penalty. Bernie is not. hmmm. Is it really that simple? NO. I have voted for pro-death penalty candidates in the past. Pathetic, but true.

I feel like this should be easy but I keep going back and forth. Hillary is moderate. Bernie is progressive. How hard can this be? Neither of these candidates speak to me.

Hillary needs to win Iowa. Bernie will win New Hampshire. Hillary will win South Carolina.

A couple of weeks ago, I had my mind made up. I was voting for Hillary. I voted for her in 2008 over Barack Obama in the primary. Shocking!!! lol. I voted for her because I felt she had more experience than Obama. And well, now she has more experience with foreign policy than Sanders. That’s for sure. But will she do the RIGHT thing?

ARGH!! This is too hard. Maybe I just need to step out and let the people pick the candidate. Ding, ding, ding! I just can’t decide.

Oh, and I think Trump will be president so none of this really matters. ROFL. I’m not joking. I really believe he will win.  I would prefer Kasich on the Republican side. Rubio is a little too conservative for me. But he’s hot. Now I’ve got to go because I’m losing my mind.

Bye.

I’ll take a tragedy over a fairytale

Warning: I’m all over the place.

Work is kicking my ass. That’s the norm, though. But it’s worse during this time of year. Sometimes – okay  a lot of times – I want a less challenging job. I don’t know if that’s the right thing for me. Yeah, I want an easy job. LOL. I’ll be honest. I feel that way a lot of times. Not every day. However, I am not currently on that path.

Don’t expect cohesive thoughts. I’m just rambling. I’m currently reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown. I can tell you about parts I disagree with later. One thing I do know is that people don’t like seeing the darkness. They only like the good outcomes. Hollywood movies are dumbed down for this very reason. It’s not a big deal. Just a pet peeve of mine.

I saw a poll that said that 73% of Americans live in fear of a terrorist attack. I’m thinking WTF???! I see people (rarely). They are not living in fear. I know fear. That is the one freaking thing I know. And I know there is no way 7 out of 10 Americans are living in fear.

The question was: How certain are you that a terrorist attack will happen in America? 73% are certain. Duh. Not shocking. I agree.  But that is far from living in fear. Why is the media reporting it that way? They have to know the difference. (Do they need a psych major to go over research methods?) So yes, it will happen BUT they (we) aren’t living in fear.

Syrians have hundreds of  people dying DAILY by bombing. In other words, what happened in Paris last week happens daily there. Something to think about…It doesn’t only happen in Syria, of course.

Donald Trump is getting on my nerves now. He was tolerable and a slightly funny idea at one point. I’m not laughing anymore. He’ll probably be the next president of the United States. Buddha, help us all. Things change and hopefully that will too. If it is a Republican, I don’t want Carson either. He knows nothing. Sorry for being harsh.

I’m having a cheat day Thursday and Friday and I already feel guilty. Friday won’t be as bad as Thursday. But I’m having 2 red velvet cupcakes on both days. NAUGHTY!

I saw Fifty Shades of Grey. #Late How could I not mention this? I went into it with an open mind. No judgement. It was bad, but not the worst movie ever. I just didn’t care for it. I don’t want to see any sequel. I have no interest in reading the book. I thought the casting was good. That is the most positive thing I can say. And even though I haven’t read the book, I bet the movie was better. It had to be.

I checked out tickets for the Dixie Chicks. Um, shame on someone. Those tickets are so expensive. A front row seat costs hundreds of dollars! Screw them. (Okay, not really). Do people remember when tickets used to go on sale about 2 months before the show? Or am I just making that up? Selling tickets 6 months in advance is a little much. Everyone is doing it now. Sucks.

I’m still taking more than the recommended amount of Afrin. That will end soon when I get my drug-free medicine from Amazon. I ordered a bottle of Simply Saline Nasal Mist. I’m so glad I won’t have to worry about overdosing on it. I will probably stil take Afrin once a day since I just brought a new bottle over the weekend. I know – what was I thinking? I just want to breathe.

I should probably get ready to go to bed. Loooong day tomorrow. I was just reading Rising Strong and thinking. I didn’t even write about what I initially was thinking. haha. Oops.

you’re sensible and it doesn’t make sense

People are complaining about paying 30% of their income in rent?? Try paying more than 50% and call me back! Yes, I know that is bad, but I had to do it for my sanity.  When I was only paying 30% of my income, I was living the good life. I could save,  I could spend. Life was good. My issues weren’t as bad then. #TheStruggleIsReal (That was when I had my house. It wasn’t all good, but I Ioved having extra money and savings). I love where I live now. It is so quiet. I only have one neighbor. I’m so grateful but the rent is too damn high! I’ve been here for two years. Living here has brought some of my sanity back but what happens when I move? Oh dear. I don’t want to think about it.

Temporary semi-sanity. That is what I have now. 😉

Why am I seeing the same people that bashed Rachel Dolezal stand up for Shaun King? Because Shaun is their friend. Simple as that. Is that fair? Hint: NO.  For the record, I don’t agree with bashing King. I am almost always anti-bashing.  I hope he didn’t say he was black to go to Morehouse for free. That is not cool but other than that, I don’t care.  I like Shaun King from his days at Daily Kos. Well, he is still there but I don’t read as much. So I am a little biased…and a little shocked that this is happening AGAIN.

Edited to add: Now I 100% believe Shaun never lied about his race. I’m not sure why people felt the need to go after him…of all people. Really sad. I hope things die down and he won’t need extra security. His family doesn’t deserve all this. 😦   Of course, his friends were taking up for him because some of them knew the true story, some just trusted him.  FWIW, I feel stupid for even hitting “post” on the above paragraph, but I’m leaving it up. Anyway, go check out his website. Inspiring stuff.

Gotta go work on my practicum. I wasn’t going to post today, but Shaun King became the #1 trend on Twitter and I had to say something.

The decision

While I’m glad James Holmes did not get the death penalty, I have to say that if he were black he would have gotten it. Whites get the benefit of doubt. “Maybe he was mentally ill…” Do blacks get that same benefit of doubt? NO. All of the people on death row in Colorado are black. The death penalty is racist and should be abolished.

In Colorado, Blacks Are 4 Percent Of The Population And 100 Percent Of Death Row Inmates

/end rant

I will add that me wanting life in prison for Holmes didn’t have a lot to do with mental illness. The death penalty is barbaric. And if I hear one more story of an innocent person being on death row…So that is why I’m against it. It isn’t fair. Innocent people have been killed. Do I have to go on?

James Holmes did/does have social anxiety. And perhaps some sort of schizoid disorder. (The prosecution didn’t want anyone to believe the latter).  But I do think he was legally sane at the time of the murders. I think he was just lashing out. He was frustrated. All of a sudden he wasn’t doing well in school (due to oral presentations) and his first girlfriend broke up with him. I’m looking at this through the lens of someone with SA. He didn’t see other alternatives. I wish he would’ve killed himself instead of killing others. 😦 Did he have a psychotic break? Maybe. I don’t know. It’s possible but like I said this has nothing to do with me wanting him to get life in prison instead of the death penalty.

Edited to add: Holmes did TRY to get help. The system failed. This could’ve been prevented. If only the therapist/hospital had told someone exactly what he said.

I think Holmes would rather die than spend the rest of his life locked up. His family are the only ones slightly relieved.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he commits suicide. He already told the shrink how bored he was in jail. He is miserable (as he should be). Punishment fits the crime. Let him live for 60 more years in solitude. THAT IS THE DEATH PENALTY. He is getting what he deserves. Death is a gift. Why give him that?

Never said I was brave

The confederate flag hasn’t gone down yet in South Carolina. I just can’t believe this is what it took. People have been fighting to get that flag down for years. I remember first hearing about it in the late 90s. Not to make light of anything, but thanks to the media for no longer talking about Rachel Dolezal. I’m specifically thinking of Melissa Harris Perry. Melissa did an exclusive interview with her. I know she was planning on talking about it on her show for probably at least an hour. She could have talked about her but she was wise enough to know that that single story doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things. It didn’t stop the comedy shows from making fun of Dolezal but they aren’t news outlets so whatever.

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Not much of a Nutrisytem update if you read my last entry. The cheat day worked. If you are stalled at a weight for 2 weeks, I recommend doing a cheat day. It works! I lost 2 pounds! I’m now 132 lbs. Man, if I could see 130 on the scale…The cheat day was delicious and well worth it. 🙂 I had lasagna, french fries and red velvet cake. I’m getting my last NS box in about 2 weeks. That makes me sad but I will be saving money on food.

The things I thought I would make a profit on, I haven’t yet (besides the luggage). But the other stuff? Selling well on eBay. I think I could possibly get all my money back just selling on eBay. Confession: I hate shipping things…but I need to move inventory so #hustle.

I’m nervous about my yard sale tomorrow. It is supposed to rain. 😦  I didn’t put the ad in the newspaper due to the more than 50% chance of rain. So I’m just relying on a free service. People have contacted me based on the free ad. I haven’t been of much help to these people but I did respond.  At least people are seeing it.

I know I should be ready for the sale but I’m not. I’ve been working more hours (for no extra pay) and working on my practicum in the afternoons. I’m getting up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to do most of the stuff. The yard sale doesn’t start until 10 (long story) so if I get up at 5 or 6, I should be okay. My main concern is my clothing rack. If I can’t hang clothes up…ugh! It is so much easier to sell clothes when people can look at them like they would at a store.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lissie, Kelly Clarkson, Florence + The Machine, Mariah Carey, Madonna, Ed Sheeran, Kina Grannis, Hilary Duff

Watched: Veep, Big Brother, Grey’s Anatomy, James Holmes trial

The moment when your eyes are red and people think something happened. No, you were just watching Grey’s Anatomy.

Movies of the week: I watched Divergent and Gone Girl. Both get 4 out of 5 stars. I definitely want to at least read book 1 of the Divergent series now. Gone Girl was good but I remember too much from reading the book. It is probably a much better movie going into it blind. I see most people liked it a little more than I did.

Books of the week: I finished Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott. Great book. I would recommend this book to everyone. 4.5 stars.

Now starting Yes Please by Amy Poehler and  Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander. I have a bad feeling about Yes Please based on other people’s reviews. I don’t think I’m going to LOVE it but I rarely love all the books I read. lol.

Planner update:

planner this week
planner this week

No false hope

UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT: I know how much people love these (sarcasm). I feel bad for Rachel Dolezal. To be the #1 trend on social media for something bad…I just feel for her. I don’t know much about the story. I just know she was passing for black but she’s apparently white. I know race is a social construct. Thankyouverymuch. But tell that to the people that live with racism daily. I’m not going on a tangent about that. At least it doesn’t seem like she is going to lose her job UNLESS she gets charged with a crime. I hate hearing about people losing a job.

She must have known that this would come out eventually. She had to know. Was she scared about it? I would have been living in paralyzing fear. I know she put herself in this position but people don’t have to be so mean about it. And please stop with the #TransRacial stuff. It isn’t funny. Oh, I must add that I know the “blackface” thing isn’t right but the women clearly has issues. I have issues too so I’ll pass on judging her. Another thing, some media outlets are reporting she got into Howard University because they thought she was black. Well, NBC news said she went as a white person. Newsflash: White people go to HBCU’s so it is possible. Anyone can apply to a HBCU. You don’t have to be black.

/end rant

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I’ve hit a weight loss plateau. I’m between 134 and 135. It has been that way for a week. I don’t feel as if I’m going to lose anymore. That might sound dramatic but what if my body’s feel good weight is 135? I don’t want to believe that is true because even with the meds I’m on, I was 125 pounds about 2 years ago. (? – I can’t remember exactly when). I don’t know. I may drink more water, see if that helps.

Nutrisystem is not a good diet for people trying to avoid carbs, btw. I feel like I have to mention that. NS is high in fiber which is good. But you have to watch the carbs. I happen to love carbs 😉 so I love NS.

I went to the free gym today. I only walked a mile on the treadmill. I was trying to get home quick.

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I was going to place an ad in the newspaper about my upcoming yard sale but it costs almost $30! What if it rains? I’ve been thinking about it and there is no way I can have the sale if it rains. My porch has a tiny cover but I have way too much stuff. It won’t fit on my porch.  So I’m just going to stick to free advertising for now. When I look for yard sales, I always look at the free options. I never think about the newspaper. I’m not posting signs because I don’t want neighbors to find out that way. They’ll find out when they see cars in the yard and I’m okay with them coming over.

I didn’t have to go anywhere after work all week. I stayed in Monday through Friday. Those are my kind of days! Love it. The next few weeks will not be like that so I’m enjoying it while I can. I’m off next Friday. There are probably billions of things I should do but I think I’m just taking my dog to the park. I hope he will sit still enough so I can get some reading in.

Speaking of reading…I got another library card today! Woohoo. Now I have 3  (legal – LOL) library cards in 3 different counties/cities. I love having access to so many books. To see what I’m reading now, scroll below.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Mariah Carey, Florence + The Machine, Indigo Girls, Lissie, Sara Jackson-Holman, Imagine Dragons, Kelly Clarkson, Kina Grannis

Thanks to Florence + The Machine and Indigo Girls for making me believe in the music of 2015. This has been a bad year so far (compared to last year).

Watched: NBA Finals, PLL, James Holmes trial

Hmmm, I don’t care who wins the NBA championship. I just want seven good games. So far, so good. I’ve been staying up late for these games though. #EastCoast

Movie of the week: Hot Girls Wanted  I expected this documentary on the porn industry to be better. I appreciated that it focused on younger girls (over 18!)  just getting into the industry but um, that is all there was. Average movie.

Books of the week: I’m juggling quite a few books right now. I brought Vanity Fair (the book) from Amazon. It is 755 pages so I don’t know where that fits in. I would like to read it this summer. Here goes…

books
books

Everyday I fight by Stuart Scott on page 147

I Am That Girl by the Alexis Jones (23% through) I might put this one on the back burner to read library books.

Eyes on You: A novel of suspense by Kate White on page 200. I’m trying to get back into reading fiction after mostly reading nonfiction for the past decade. This book is okay. So far, it seems predictable. If you think you would like a grown up version of Pretty Little Liars, check this book out.  Drama, oh my! 🙂

And here are two library books I haven’t started yet:

Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander

But Enough About Me…A Jersey’s Girl’s Unlikely Adventures Among the Absurdly Famous by Jancee Dunn

I hope I can keep the library books for 6 weeks otherwise, they probably won’t get read. Too many books. Not enough time. My fault.

Planner:

plans of the week
plans of the week

Bye MSNBC

The (slow?) Death of MSNBC.

When I realized it was really happening, I was sad. I’ve been watching MSNBC for over a decade. Prior to that, I used to watch CSPAN a lot. It’s just sad. Less than 2 years ago, Phil Griffin (the prez of the channel) was saying he wanted MSNBC to be the answer to Fox News. Now? It’s over. Ronan Farrow and Joy Reid shows being cancelled is only the first step. There will be a lot of changes. They are going for a “straight” news approach. When I want to watch straight news, I watch CNN.

Ed Shultz can kiss his show goodbye. Al Sharpton is soooo gone. My real concern is: what will happen to prime time? The moment Rachel Maddow is gone, MSNBC is officially dead. What will happen to Chris Hayes? I know he can do straight news but he would probably be so bored by that. I think Griffin will get rid of a ton of people. And I  am hoping, Chris Hayes is NOT on the list. I know he’ll always be around (somewhere) but I like having him on doing liberal news each night.

I can’t believe how sad I am over this. It’s like a part of my life is slowly being torn away. (dramatic, much?) I think Morning Joe, Tamron Hall, Andrea Mitchell, Chris Matthews and Jose Diaz-Balart will stay for sure. Maybe Alex Wagner too. The weekends have sucked for a while. I like Steve Kornacki but not his show. It’s too nerdy and I’m a total nerd. I love Melissa Harris-Perry but her show is extremely repetitive from week to week My god, who is the producer? I still watch her show sometimes but I usually can’t watch for the whole 2 hours.

Remember when Up With Chris Hayes was the best. show. ever. ??? Talk about being sad to see a great show go. I NEVER missed his show when I was home and if I wasn’t home, I would stalk the site to watch it online.

Oh well. All good things must come to an end. I think I’m going to stop watching it during the day. I will check in with  prime-time as long as Rachel, Chris and Lawrence are on. During this time of year, I’m usually watching sports so I don’t watch much cable news at night.

I have to blame liberals for this one. They act like they are too good to watch TV. “I don’t even own a TV”. Thanks a lot. I’ll probably go back to watching CSPAN. Maybe I will really learn something. 😉

I can’t pretend anymore

I have a problem. Anyone reading this is probably saying, “no shit”. Anyway, at night time all of my anxiety goes away…unless people (or noise) is around. That sounds like a good thing, right? But a little anxiety is good for you. I participated in small business Saturday without meaning to. WTF was I thinking? I “only” spent $34 but that money could go to a lot of things.

At night, I’m free. I’m not as anxious about money as I am during the day. KEEP ME AWAY from online stores at night. I usually don’t have that problem because I’m not usually surfing the net at night. But when I do…trouble! Sigh. What did I buy? Knitting stuff, of course. Knitting is getting me into all sorts of trouble. I’d rather knit than study. I’m spending waaaaay too much money on it and I’m not even buying the expensive yarn.

I need an intervention but no one is going to do one. LOL. So I must do it myself. I just spend money and then feel guilty. 😦 I will stop because I do hate debt and I like having a savings…but sometimes when I make extra money, things get a little nuts. This knitting obsession has to go away eventually. ?? I don’t know. I feel like I have accomplished something when I knit (or read, or study or DO anything). But knitting can cost money. However, it does not have to be expensive. AT ALL.

With all this being said, I will post pics of my new stuff on the blog. Cause it pertains to knitting and I’m excited about it. I love this stuff…help me!

In knitting news, I finished my chunky scarf (yay!) and I made progress on my afghan. Pics coming later this week.

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Spin class: I went back for the 3rd time. I’m finally getting the hang of it. Some of the instructor’s snarky comments are getting on my nerves though. Look woman, I’m new at this (and she knows this). You are an instructor. You are supposed to be excellent at it. BUT I’m trying this new thing of not giving a shit about what other people think or say. Step #1: Go to spin class. Do it wrong. Who cares? I’m still burning calories and sweating. That’s the point.  I’ve never even been on a real bike! Whatevs. Just keep spinning.

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Missing Ohio State football player found dead. He committed suicide. He also had a history of concussions. Please consider not supporting football until the NFL and NCAA do the right thing. (I don’t even know what the right thing is at this point. Perhaps football is just too violent).

————

I meant to post the following in my last post but I could not find it. I was googling “Brian Williams”. His name is Benjamin Watson. Anyhow, this is almost exactly how I feel about Ferguson.

At some point while I was playing or preparing to play Monday Night Football, the news broke about the Ferguson Decision. After trying to figure out how I felt, I decided to write it down. Here are my thoughts:

I’M ANGRY because the stories of injustice that have been passed down for generations seem to be continuing before our very eyes.

I’M FRUSTRATED, because pop culture, music and movies glorify these types of police citizen altercations and promote an invincible attitude that continues to get young men killed in real life, away from safety movie sets and music studios.

I’M FEARFUL because in the back of my mind I know that although I’m a law abiding citizen I could still be looked upon as a “threat” to those who don’t know me. So I will continue to have to go the extra mile to earn the benefit of the doubt.

I’M EMBARRASSED because the looting, violent protests, and law breaking only confirm, and in the minds of many, validate, the stereotypes and thus the inferior treatment.

I’M SAD, because another young life was lost from his family, the racial divide has widened, a community is in shambles, accusations, insensitivity hurt and hatred are boiling over, and we may never know the truth about what happened that day.

I’M SYMPATHETIC, because I wasn’t there so I don’t know exactly what happened. Maybe Darren Wilson acted within his rights and duty as an officer of the law and killed Michael Brown in self defense like any of us would in the circumstance. Now he has to fear the backlash against himself and his loved ones when he was only doing his job. What a horrible thing to endure. OR maybe he provoked Michael and ignited the series of events that led to him eventually murdering the young man to prove a point.

I’M OFFENDED, because of the insulting comments I’ve seen that are not only insensitive but dismissive to the painful experiences of others.

I’M CONFUSED, because I don’t know why it’s so hard to obey a policeman. You will not win!!! And I don’t know why some policeman (sic) abuse their power. Power is a responsibility, not a weapon to brandish and lord over the populace.

I’M INTROSPECTIVE, because sometimes I want to take “our” side without looking at the facts in situations like these. Sometimes I feel like it’s us against them. Sometimes I’m just as prejudiced as people I point fingers at. And that’s not right. How can I look at white skin and make assumptions but not want assumptions made about me? That’s not right.

I’M HOPELESS, because I’ve lived long enough to expect things like this to continue to happen. I’m not surprised and at some point my little children are going to inherit the weight of being a minority and all that it entails.

I’M HOPEFUL, because I know that while we still have race issues in America, we enjoy a much different normal than those of our parents and grandparents. I see it in my personal relationships with teammates, friends and mentors. And it’s a beautiful thing.

I’M ENCOURAGED, because ultimately the problem is not a SKIN problem, it is a SIN problem. SIN is the reason we rebel against authority. SIN is the reason we abuse our authority. SIN is the reason we are racist, prejudiced and lie to cover for our own. SIN is the reason we riot, loot and burn. BUT I’M ENCOURAGED because God has provided a solution for sin through the his son Jesus and with it, a transformed heart and mind. One that’s capable of looking past the outward and seeing what’s truly important in every human being. The cure for the Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and Eric Garner tragedies is not education or exposure. It’s the Gospel. So, finally, I’M ENCOURAGED because the Gospel gives mankind hope.

The only thing I don’t agree with is the whole last paragraph. I guess he is a Christian. But I thought I would post the whole thing. These are my last words on the issue. He said what I wanted to say much more eloquently.

All of this energy, been bottled for way too long

The last time I posted about Ferguson, I think I lost ALL my readers. And I didn’t even say anything controversial!! I just said don’t loot because it hurts innocent people and we don’t know exactly what happened. But that isn’t going to stop me from blabbing again. I had to stop watching the news this week. In fact, my TV has been off for most of the week. This has really brought out the worst in people. If you agree with the grand jury, you are a racist. If you don’t agree, you’re…I don’t know what. A police hater?  A dumb liberal? A person who plays the race card? (<—hate that term). People are just saying the most hate filled things, especially on Twitter and Facebook.

My opinion is almost the same as last time. No reason to burn down buildings. Some people have no job to go to now. That sucks….especially when you are living paycheck to paycheck. Eyewitnesses are unreliable. I said that last time. I don’t think we will ever know what really happened after the incident in the police car.

———-

Onto much lighter subjects:

Even though I spent Thanksgiving alone, that doesn’t mean I didn’t overindulge. I will definitely be going to spin class on Sunday. Yesterday and today I worked 5 hours each day. Tomorrow I fear will be a much longer work day. Can’t explain. Can’t complain.

Since I passed the board exam, I have to pay annual dues, earn CEUs and guess what? TAKE ANOTHER TEST. The horror! Fear not, this is only a one time thing and it is given online. I can take it at home. Yay! I have a year to take it and I must pass it to stay certified. No pressure. I have no idea when I will take it.  I’m mentioning this now because I am currently taking a class to help me prepare to pass this test. Guess who isn’t all that motivated? I’d rather be knitting, sleeping, or reading etc. So there’s that.

Weekly

Music for the week: Jessie J,  Taylor Swift, Tristan Prettyman, Lucy Hale, A Great Big World, Amy Ray, Toni Braxton, Mary Lambert

TV for the week: Big Brother Australia, Army Wives, Pretty Little Liars

Big Brother Australia is over. 😦 I might start watching the Canadian version next. I dunno. The Australian version is the best of all of them. Are Australians just more interesting or do they do a great job casting? hmmm. I said I would have a movie marathon on Thursday. Instead I started watching PLL again. I must have seen season 1 at least 5 times. lol. Can’t get enough. Did you know my two guinea pigs are named after characters on that show? Ezra and Toby. Obsessed, much?

Movie of the week:  none

Books of the week:  I’m 44% through What are You Hungry For?: The Chopra Solution to Permanent Weight Loss, Well-Being and Lightness of Soul by Deepak Chopra.  I’m 99% sure I’m not going to finish it. I don’t need to read this book.  I think I need You Can Buy Happiness (and it’s cheap) : How One Woman Radically Changed Her Life and How You Can Too by Tammy Strobel. It is about not buying STUFF.

Knitting projects of the week: I didn’t knit that much this week. I worked on my shawl. Excuse the knitting jargon that will follow. I’ve been working on how to do lace with the Craftsy class and a little help from Youtube. I finally know how to SSK (slip, slip, knit). I used to avoid patterns with ssk in it. Now I can do it! Awesome.

Knitting may just seem like some tiny hobby. But to me it is much more. I’ve been wanting to learn to knit since I was 10. I had so many knitting books but I could never learn. I thought I was doomed. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I knit? Other people can do it. NOW I CAN…and that amazes me. In case it isn’t obvious, I love learning new stuff.

Crochet projects of the week: I’m just working on chains. I feel like I don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do.

Pics next week…if I get to work on my projects. :/