Don’t sell me no pipe dream

WTF? I felt like I went to the doctor for a cold and you know I don’t do that. I felt stupid, lame, and shocked after leaving the surgeon’s office. Both visits (to the shrink and the orthopedic surgeon) were a waste of time. The shrink visit was a waste due to my fault. More on that later. I’m more upset about the surgeon because it cost more and I was expecting an x-ray or something.

I do have carpal tunnel syndrome. No shit. All the doctor recommended I do is keep wearing the braces I bought from Amazon (!!) and sleep with my arms straight down.* Um, thanks. I waited over an hour for that. I didn’t mind the wait. I got a lot of reading done. Anyway, he did offer me a cortisone shot, but I said no because it isn’t affecting my sleep much. If at all.

*Sleeping with my arms straight down does help, but it is hard to do. Who can do that all night? Plus it is uncomfortable.

He also told me to come back if it got worse, so that is what I will do. I hope the braces help. So far they have been helping, but that isn’t a cure. He didn’t seem as concerned about the pain as the tingling. So I guess the tingling is a bigger deal. Well, I have a lot of that.

Um. Whatever? Next.

The shrink was a waste of time because I didn’t mention I wanted to get off Abilify because of the impulsive behavior. I just mentioned the cost. My fault. So I’m still on Abilify for now. According to my doctor, there is no generic Abilify substitute except for Wellbutrin and Effexor and I can’t take either one of those. I have enough Abilify to last until 2018. Blah.

GOOD NEWS: I finally got my Keurig coffee maker!!!111!!  I followed it on the internet from California on a FedEx truck. Isn’t it absurd that my coffee maker had to be driven 3,000 miles on a truck to get to me?  Maybe it’s just me.  Why don’t they have a distribution center in the middle of America? Most companies I deal with ship 2-day priority mail or they have something near the east coast.

Oh, what about the coffee maker? I’ve only used it once. I used a Starbucks pod (medium roast) for my first cup of coffee this morning. In the future, if I do buy pods, I will buy a type of dark roast. I drink my coffee black 95% of the time. Back to the coffee maker – I don’t like that it doesn’t keep the coffee in the mug warm after it brews. My $40 coffee maker kept it warm. It also doesn’t have a clock so I can program it to brew, but I rarely used that on my old coffee maker.

I’ve only had it for a day so I don’t really have a strong opinion on it yet. I just hope it was worth the money.

Depo-Provera update: No bleeding 9 days in a row! This is a miracle. Please let my period be over forever.

This week I…

Music of the week: Nelly Furtado, Shawn Mendes, Natalie Merchant, Demi Lovato, Joan Osborne, Kelly Clarkson, Miranda Lambert, Sam Smith

TV of the week: Big Brother, The Real Housewives of Orange County

They are doing a celebrity version of Big Brother this winter! I am going to watch it, but it worries me. Usually, when a reality show starts featuring celebrities, the “regular” show goes away. I don’t want my summer full of BB and normal people to go away.

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week: I finished reading Dead Man Walking: The Eyewitness Account Of The Death Penalty That Sparked a National Debate by Helen Prejean. 5 stars. I can’t believe the death penalty is still legal in THIRTY TWO states. Isn’t that fucked up? The death penalty disgusts me. The book is so glum. Great writing though.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0533

Plans for the Weekend: Cleaning, working a little, school work and grocery shopping.  I made an 84 on test #2. Not my best work. It was harder than I thought it was going to be. I’m taking test #3 on Sunday morning. I’m not sure how much I’ll be working this weekend.

There’s going to be a pro-confederate rally 10 minutes from my house this weekend. Other than that, nothing is going on. Seriously I hope no one is hurt and I already feel bad for all the people living in that neighborhood. I would be worried about vandalism, noise and leaving my house.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

A sermon to white and black America

A few quotes from Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson.

Too many yellow Negroes deny light privilege the way many of you deny white privilege. We are as blind to our perks as you are to yours…Too many light folk just don’t want to admit what we all know to be the case. And I’m not speaking of light guilt, our color-struck version of white guilt. I mean owning up to the benefits and advantages of being light-skinned. We make up the same reasons why we should be spared reckoning with shade and tone as you give for not addressing whiteness and privilege.

Nothing annoys me more (okay, slight exaggeration coming) then when people don’t acknowledge their privilege.

Our being color-struck isn’t the only sign that we’ve imitated whiteness. We’ve also emulated and adopted your coarse reactions to class and sexual identity. Many of us have joined the unfortunate assualt on gay folk…Although we deny it, the same kind of people who opposed interracial marriage oppose same same sex marriage too. Black folk have blindly followed a path of prejudice that earlier ended with us as victims.

Preach!

….Poor whites seem to say, “At least there’s a  nigger beneath me.” And it’s a way for poor whites to be of value to richer whites, especially when poor whites agree that black folks are the soure of their trouble.

The truth hurts.

This book is good. Not great, but it is the best book Dyson has ever written, IMHO. I love that he made it personal. I could have typed out many more quotes, but these are the ones that stood out most to me.

went through hell to prove I’m not insane

I’m starting my #NoSpend NOW. It is a must, not a want. This will be hard for me because there is an item I want that will probably sell out within days or weeks. The release date is March 2nd. It isn’t even that expensive but no can do. (total cost without shipping is $59 for 3 things). I am testing my willpower. I hope it doesn’t sell out. lol. I will buy nothing other than groceries through March 31st.

I still don’t have water. THIS SUCKS! I can’t even blog about it. It just sucks. It was 50 degrees on Sunday. Did I get water for one second? NO. ugh. :/

I’m stepping out of my comfort zone soon. I’m recording at least one video (probably two) and uploading it to YouTube. Of course the videos will be all about my planners. I’m 90% done with my Kikki.K planner. I’m waiting on dividers from Finland*. Then I will be ready to record. I already did a practice video and it came out okay. It will probably be about 5 minutes long. I talk really fast and don’t want it to lag. The video would be 10 minutes for the average non-shy person.

(*Of course I have to have dividers from Finland.  I couldn’t find any I liked from the U.S).

This is huge for obvious reasons. I’m not showing my face. No reason for that. 😉  But I will be talking *gasp* and showing only my hands. I won’t embed the video on this blog because this blog is supposed to be anonymous but I will post pictures of my planner. And I’m sure some people already know my youtube handle so you can go there and see it.

My biggest fear is reading responses…and having to respond. How many rude people will post? Hopefully not many. These videos are VERY popular so I expect at least 200-500 views within a month. I’d rather get an “unlike” any day before I get a rude response. Once I get my dividers, I’ll be ready to record. I’m definitely excited to produce my very own youtube content. But I’m also scared.

The other video will be on my Plum Paper Planner. That planner isn’t ready. I have only been using it since Monday and I’m just figuring things out. I will probably be ready for a video on that in April…if the Kikki.K one doesn’t scare me into hiding!

Here is an example of the kind of video I would like to do:

It is just a flip through of the planner. It is amazing how many people love these videos. Her video has been up less than 2 months and has over 30,000 views!

I finished reading  Get Rich, Lucky Bitch!: Release Your Money Blocks and Live a First Class Life by Denise Duffield-Thomas. This book is for people who believe in the Universe and manifesting. Simple as that. I wouldn’t recommend it to people who aren’t into those things. There are plenty of other financial books for more um, practical people. Actually I consider myself a pragmatist BUT I have seen this stuff work in real life so how can I not believe?

She isn’t just about sitting around dreaming. She believes in doing. That is how she got where she is. But she also believes in manifesting your own luck. Check out her website. I’m definitely a lucky bitch or I’m trying to be one. 🙂

I’m feeling mummified

I rarely go on about books in this blog but  Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult is worth a few words. I know it is going to change lives….and it’s a fiction book! Hello?? I finished it today. I forgot what it feels like to just sit for two hours and read. Sad but true.

Back to the book. NO SPOILERS, btw. This book is a crash course on how animals are treated at circuses (horribly)  and zoos…and how the wonderful people at sanctuaries help out.  It makes you want to know more. I knew about the circus treatment before I read the book but what the book really sparked in me is how we (I) can help. I can donate money to wildlife sanctuaries, adopt an animal, speak out about it, or volunteer at a sanctuary (my dream). And don’t go to places where animals are mistreated.

I just love knowing that this book exists and that so many people will read it because it is by Jodi Picoult. Brilliant. I know some teenager is reading this book and it will change their life. He or she will decide to work in a sanctuary as a career.  (I’m not interested in working in one). I had no idea what this book was about before I checked it out. I just knew it was new and available so I grabbed it. Now that I’m done with the book, I’m trying to figure out which organization is the best to focus on. WWF? The wild animal sanctuary in Colorado? I’m going to start looking at places overseas.

Edit: I have to mention Elephants.com – The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee 

One more thing about the book: It is NOT about animal sanctuaries. I would say it is more of a human mystery with animals as a backdrop. It is an average book overall. I can’t really recommend reading it because it isn’t that good. Only the parts about the elephants kept me reading. Interested in wildlife but don’t want to start with something too heavy? Read this book. (Warning: There are somber parts. I had to skip some sections. Too sad. I wanted to cry).

Finishing that book is only a bit of what I did on my mini break…

I also went thrifting!! 🙂 🙂 I spent $31.56 and brought:

  • 2 pairs of jeans
  • 1 pair of khakis
  • 2 blouses
  • 1 turtleneck
  • 2 t-shirts
  • 3 sweaters

Not too bad. I usually have something in mind when I go thrifting but this time I was all over the place. T-shirts for the gym…I haven’t had “new” khakis in a while.. but I really need sweaters etc. So I spent about 30 minutes  in the thrift store and left with what I listed above. It was hard not buying books but I’m really trying to stay with ebooks when it comes to new purchases because they take up no space. obvs.

Here are some pics of my favorite items:

sweater
sweater

My absolute favorite find:

cardigan
cardigan
purple!
purple!
blouse
blouse

I only worked for about 30 minutes today. Score!…kinda? Back to the grind tomorrow. I’m excited about college basketball tonight. I should really go now. Bye.

Next stop, Vegas Please

I know I said I wouldn’t mention Vegas before officially booking it but…I did manage to get a whole week off in October so if I go, I’m going then. I found one inexpensive thing to do (dolphins) while there. And I’m getting free VIP tickets to a show and as long as I get to pick what type of show, I’m interested. I want to see a music act. I’ve seen Shania Twain in concert before but I would love to see her in Vegas! She happens to be playing the week I’m going.

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The rest of this is knitting geekery. Full on geek mode. Only (beginning?) knitters would find this remotely interesting.

Thank Buddha for libraries.

knitting books
knitting books

(This doesn’t include the three knitting books I have on my Kindle). The library had quite a few knitting books but I only checked out the ones with good reviews on Amazon. I really just wanted books for newbies. I’m not even done with Knitting in Plain English: The Only Book a Knitter Will Ever Need but I would recommend a person purchase that book before going to a craft/yarn store. It is full of great material.

I may end up buying one of these books but for now, I’m just test driving. Anyhow, yes I got the knitting bug….at the wrong time!! I feel guilty because I should be studying for the boards. I AM studying for the boards but right now I am spending more time on knitting.

I don’t know where this knitting thing is going. I love the garter stitch. LOL – who doesn’t??
People say knitting is meditative and so far the only time I find myself meditating is when I’m doing the garter stitch.

So far I know how to do the knit stitch, purl stitch, cast on and bind off. I just started doing decreases. That wasn’t too bad but I messed up on increases with the scarf I am working on. 😦 All that time…I’m just going to keep going. I hate purling, btw.

I’m overwhelmed by how much there is to learn. I want to make thick shawls, cardigans, socks and handbags. ha. Who knew socks were hard to knit? I had no idea until I started researching everything.

I joined Raverly (THE internet knitting place). I even started printing out patterns of things I’m working on. I’m saving my yarn labels. I have a “project bag”. I just started a knitting board on Pinterest.

This entry is a mess. Knitting is overwhelming…but so far, worth it.

Floored by love

Today was a good day. 🙂

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Sometimes I just want to scream “I’m not the one who made personal ‘blogging’ up! This is what people did. All kinds of people…it seemed like everyone was doing it.” And now no one does it. Well there are a few of us. (Hi!) I miss the online diaries days so much.  I miss the people. I miss the community. I hate calling this a blog.

Why are you talking about you? Who cares about you? Who are you? This is so funny to me. Hello? Anyway, now people just tweet, use instagram, and facebook INSTEAD of personal blogging. They are still doing the same thing but just in a cooler format.

Why am I ranting about this? I’m reading How to Blog for Profit (Without Selling Your Soul) by Ruth Soukup. I’m exactly 44% through. It is a great, informative, book but it isn’t what I’m trying to do. Reading this book just makes it clearer. I’m not a writer. I don’t have a desire to write a personal blog for an audience. That would be selling my soul.

However, I am interested in fan sites. I have done so many over the years (about 10). I had the first ever Aaliyah (RIP) fan site on the net. It wasn’t very good because I didn’t know what I was doing but I got so many hits. So…I enjoy doing fan sites and it takes a lot of time. Maybe I could get money for it? It isn’t easy for me to go out and get a part time job so why not treat the fan site as a part time job?

The domain I want is actually available. I’m in no rush because I think it will be there for a while. For now, I’m just going to update my fansite-ish blog on wordpress.com.  I had stopped for a few months because the musician was too busy for me but I will slowly get back into it. And instead of a typical “fan site” which is more like a website than a blog,  I may just keep doing it in a blog format and see what happens.

My point is I’m glad I started reading this book. At first I was trying to think of ways I could blog for profit. I came up empty. I don’t do DIY projects. I don’t cook. I don’t have a profitable talent.  She doesn’t mention fan sites. I’m not sure why…..They get a lot of hits. People go there daily for news. But then again most people don’t do fan sites in a blog format. I’m going to do it though!

Perhaps I will dedicate one hour a day to my nonprofit fan site/blog and see what happens. Anyway, I am breaking all the how to blog for profit rules in this one post. LOL.

I would definitely recommend this book to people who want to make a profit out of blogging. It was written in 2013 so it is up to date.

Fuck You

Here is the truth: My mom and sister called me “fat”. A coworker called me Willy the Whale. I have no idea what that means. I can only guess it was a weight comment. I know I’m not fat. I’m average. I currently weigh anywhere from 133 to 137 lbs. I’m 5’4″. Average. I want to be normal in every way accept for my weight. Back on topic: Yes what they said was mean and I want to say “Fuck You”.

I was eating a lot of unhealthy things. I’m no longer doing those things. I will never be 105lbs again.  I was underweight for years. The doctor told me to drink Ensure. I never did. I later gained some weight because of Abilify but I can’t blame that for at least 10 pounds.

Anyway, I see it as a challenge to workout and eat healthy. I get obsessive about whatever I’m doing. Right now my obsession is eating wheat free among my regular obsessions. I’m not done with this topic.

———

Amazon is starting this great program in October. If you brought a print book from them, they will allow you to buy the Kindle edition for a low price.  Anywhere from free (!!) to $3.99. I can’t wait.  Do you know how many books I have brought from Amazon since 1998??! I just hope they have the books available that I brought. Most of my books are packed up and I’ve been pining for them. This is awesome! Please have my favorite books.

Update: I looked through all of my past Amazon orders. I brought mostly music from there. I forgot most of my books were brought used. There are about 10 print books I would love to have a Kindle version of. Mostly nonfiction.

The announcement of the new Kindle Fire HDX tablet makes me drool. I know I won’t be buying that.

Weekly

Music for the week:  Maria Mena, Ja Rule,  John Mayer,  John Legend,  Keith Urban, Sheryl Crow, Jillette Johnson, Beyonce, Amanda Shires, Ariana Grande

(I keep up with what I listen to on last.fm)

TV for the week: Breaking Bad, CSPAN, The Voice

Movies of the week: Django Unchained

Books of the weekBully: A True Story Of High School Revenge by Jim Schutze,  Five Days at Memorial Life and Death in a Storm-Ravaged Hospital by Sheri Fink

Goals for next week: I put up my closet rack last week. Now I have to hang all my clean clothes. I just need hangers. I looked up “dorm tours” on youtube and I’m totally inspired. (I don’t live in a dorm…) My messiest rooms are the living room and kitchen. I hate cleaning the kitchen. My goal is to make my living room more liveable since I spend a lot of time there. Hopefully I will have pics after I’m done.