I’m off Twitter

YAY! I have all 8,000+ of my tweets. They are mostly about sports. Uh, I don’t watch sports much anymore.

I got my new computer (see last entry). More info later.

I’m still a child

I’ve been bad if not celebrating Thanksgiving, and buying crap is terrible. I don’t care about holidays. But spending money, I do care about. I still have money in my moving savings account that I haven’t touched yet. 

What did I buy? A cellphone – Moto G Power (2021). I’m going to use it for apps because my cellphone sucks. I will only be able to use this phone with wi-fi. It’s unlocked, so I should be able just to use it without a sim card, right? If I can’t, I will return it. I think Amazon will take it back. I chose to pick this up from Rite Aid. I will probably get it on Sunday, unless it arrives very early on Saturday. I’m new to this neighborhood and I don’t want a bunch of packages coming here. I think people around here notice everything.

Unfortunately, I ordered my Samsung Galaxy Book Go (a cheap laptop) directly from Samsung. Now I wish I would have ordered from Amazon because I know how they ship. Or I could have picked it up. I know Amazon will let me know when the package is here. Unfortunately, I have no idea how Samsung ships. I did leave one small package outside for 48 minutes, and no one stole it. BUT THIS IS A LAPTOP!

Anyway, my MacBook Air only performed well for less than two years, so no more Macs for me. I’m going back to Windows. I don’t know how long this Samsung Galaxy will last. It is usually $350. I got it on sale for $250. I need to be able to work. 

My Chromebook is about three years old and in good shape because I never used it. I just downloaded apps on it today. It’s funny because it is so thick. All the Chromebooks on the market today are slim. My CB looks like a dinosaur. It also has a small screen, so the next one I get (probably next year) will be bigger. 

I took today off. I did a good job with unpacking. I don’t know what else I need. Well, I know I’m going to get rid of a lot of my old clothes, which excites me. I might get started this weekend if I have time. I know I will probably never get back to a size 8 in jeans again, so I will get rid of 85% of my jeans (due to gastroparesis).

I’m going to have two piles. One pile will be the name-brand clothes. Those will go to ThredUp so I can get jeans in my size. I only have one pair of jeans that I can find in my new size (about a size 4). I did buy two other pairs, but I have to go through everything to find them. The other pile I will donate to the new city I’m living in. 

It will be great to get rid of so many jeans. However, I’m keeping all my tops. No matter my size, I wore medium and oversized tops, and I’m not going to stop now. I can probably get rid of a few dresses too, but I have to try them on. I’m not sure how a medium dress will fit me. The one I’ve worn is a little too long, but I can still wear it. 

I also need to get back into recycling. It seems like it should be easy, but ugh. I’m probably making it too complicated. I was saving cans, but that causes clutter, so I’m going to throw away the cans until I can come up with a system.

I’m doing a Black Friday sale for my biz. So far, one person has signed up, but she’s not an ideal client because it will be a lot of work for me for about $240 a month. Ugh. I might explain to her that I can work with her for a little extra money. Explaining stuff? Communicating? I suck at that. 

Well, I have to go and get my website ready for the Black Friday sale. I should do it tomorrow and just take today entirely off, but the deal goes live at 11 AM, and it makes me nervous to wait until tomorrow. I like to be prepared. 

This Week I…

Music of the week: Adele, Taylor Swift, Jewel, Maggie Rogers, Ariana Grande, Ellie Goulding, Grace Potter, Joss Stone

I’ve been listening to a lot of music this week. It makes me feel good, so why don’t I listen to more music? 

TV of the Week:  Survivor, Vanderpump Rules

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, True Crime Garage, Court Junkie, The Vanished, Crimelines, Generation Why, Dear Gabby, Breakdown, What Should I Read Next?, Your Permission Prescription

Books of the Week: I’m reading Women With ADHD: A Life-Changing Guide to Overcome the Hidden Struggles of Living with ADHD – Includes Debunked Myths and 15 Effective Tips to Positively Transform Your Life by Roberta Sanders. There is lots of good info here, but I don’t like how she states, “make eye contact.” NO SHIT. What if making eye contact makes things worse because you get overstimulated? Then it’s not such a good idea. Only in job interviews do I try to make eye contact because the whole fake situation is overstimulating. Not making eye contact probably would allow me to have better answers, but I wouldn’t be a great communicator either way. 

I borrowed Huma Abedin’s book from the library, but I haven’t started it because the ADHD book is so good.

I finished Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. ★★★★ It’s a great book about her father dying from COVID. But it’s so short. Only 97 pages. So I had to take away a star. It is a great book. Very real. 

Goal for Next Week: I don’t want to think about next week. I have no time off and lots to do. Busy week. Ugh. My goal is to make the phone calls I need to make. 

Weekend Plans: Today is Thursday. I would love to get a new blog post up on my biz website tomorrow. I really need to update my website, but that could take forever, so I won’t spend more than 2 hours simply fixing it up. I’m not going to start over. I will probably start a bag of clothes to donate and a bag for ThredUp. That’s a fun project for me. And maybe finally finish unpacking. I’m 87% done. 

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend! 🥰 

Nothing left to lose?

Long time. No real entry! I moved to another city. I still live in Virginia. I’m 40 minutes away from my hometown. 

I live somewhat downtown. I could never afford to live downtown in a big city. I haven’t had a lot of time to explore, but I like walking around the neighborhood. My dog likes it too, BUT he hurt his leg on our first walk. He finally stopped limping yesterday. We went to the park and walked around for 30 minutes. I’m so glad that he seems okay. 

My dog on the floor of my office. He has eyes closed.
My dog in the office.

I got out of required overtime this week—kind of. However, I did do 3 hours of OT. I was supposed to do 8 hours, but I emailed my boss and told her that I was moving and that my dad got hit by a car. So she said it was okay for me not to work today.

Yep, my dad did get hit by a car AGAIN. He was living in hotels, but he can’t afford food and hotels for a whole month on his income. Plus, he has officially been diagnosed with dementia. So, he can’t live alone. The problem is, where does he go? The hospital won’t release him until they can find something. 

After I post this blog, I’m going to unpack more. I left a lot of stuff, so I don’t have that much to unpack. I want to get things organized. It’s funny how many clothes I have. I rarely leave the house (except when walking my dog), so I’m thinking of keeping most of my clothes packed. 

The house is mostly okay. The biggest issue so far is how much heat is. There are no vents in the rooms! I didn’t notice that when looking at the house. I have to leave the doors open. That wouldn’t bother me if I lived alone, but I don’t like having opened doors with my dog. If it’s midnight and he has to go the bathroom, he’ll just use it in the kitchen instead of waking me up. Gross! I don’t want to have to clean that up. That’s what happened at the old house. I learned if I kept the bedroom door closed, then he wouldn’t do it.

The heat is also expensive. $178 a month! My mom’s house is way bigger, and her gas bill is about $100 a month. How does that make sense? So, I’m paying way more than I thought I was going to pay. 

The movers were great. I only had a desk, treadmill, bed, and a medium-sized wooden table. Since it was considered long distance, I had to pay $450 even though I didn’t have much. I don’t have any living room furniture or TVs. 

This is the first time I don’t have a TV. I don’t have cable. Besides, I watch everything on my iPad. 

I have much more to say about the neighbors. LOL. But not now. 

I did yoga yesterday during my work break. That felt so great. It’s so great to be able to move around. The living room is kind of a gym. My treadmill is there. And I do yoga there. Otherwise, I’m never in the living room. 

I have to get brakes for my car tomorrow because I’m getting my car inspected on Thursday. I hope it’s not too expensive. I might go grocery shopping afterward. I don’t want to leave my dog alone, but he has to be here alone unless I drive to my mom. My dog was so scared (shaking) when I left him alone on Monday. I had to go turn the water on. It only took about 45 minutes. I know tomorrow is going to take more than that. 

If I still have my job in 2022, I will order my food once a month. I will still have to go to the store occasionally to get paper towels etc. I would love only to have to go to the store once every 60 days. 

Anyway, I was going to buy a computer. But now I have lots of bills. I need a computer to work. I have to see what I can do on a Chromebook. I can do lots of admin stuff without a computer. But I do a lot with Canva*. I need a laptop for that. I have a new-ish Chromebook. I rarely use it, but I’m getting it out today to use my computer less. 

I have a list of laptops I MIGHT consider if there’s a Black Friday sale. I haven’t done much research. I know I’m going back to Windows. The good Macs are out of my budget. At this point, I might be willing to spend $500 on a computer. Not sure. It depends on how the car stuff goes. 

EDIT: Wow, my Chromebook can do much more than I thought. I might not buy anything OR I might buy a better Chromebook. I have to do research. I’m still going to wait until Black Friday.

I’m also thinking about offering some of my services on Black Friday. Unfortunately, I’m too busy now. But if someone wants to start working with me in January? Hmmm. I should follow through with this idea. The service would cost $2000 for six months of work. I know that sounds like a lot, but it is incredibly underpriced. 

I have so much to say. I haven’t blogged in forever. This is getting long. 

This Week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, India.Arie, Joss Stone, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson, Rachel Platten, Alessia Cara, Ariana Grande 

TV of the Week:  Survivor

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, True Crime Garage, Court Junkie, The Vanished, Undisclosed, Crimelines, Ten Percent Happier, I have ADHD, Generation Why, Dear Gabby

Books of the Week: I’ve been listening to an excellent course about purpose on Audible. Unfortunately, it’s not a book. I wanted to buy the Kindle version, but it doesn’t exist. If you have Audible, I suggest checking out this course – Finding Your Purpose by Christine Whelan. I will take the audio with me tomorrow and do all the exercises while I wait for my car. Most of these courses come with a PDF. That would be so helpful. Instead, I have to listen and write down everything.

Goal for Next Week: Either do yoga or meditate every day. I think meditation is probably more helpful for my ADHD issues, but some parts of yoga are like meditation. But they are not the same thing. 

I also want to get ALL the rest of my stuff from my old place. 

Weekend Plans: I’m going to set a 25-minute timer and unpack/organize twice today. I might get everything done with those two sessions. Then I’m going to do some biz work. I will probably work for about 3 hours today. It’s going to be 60 degrees. I hope my dog’s leg is okay. I’m going to try to go to the park at 2. The park is not that great, btw. It’s nothing compared to our (my dog and me) favorite park. This park is more for kids to play basketball and walk. Tomorrow is all about my car and getting groceries.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🥰 Is this font too big? LOL. I give up with WordPress and font. I also can’t see well, so I want everything big.

Memories Fade Away

I don’t have time to do a normal entry. I’m not even editing this until after I move. I move on Sunday. I will probably have internet by Monday evening.

I’m going to post a few pics from my beach trip. It was nice, but I’m learning that breaks don’t really help when you are in a high stress environment. Here I am back to working 60 to 65 hours a week. Same old.

My dog was well behaved. I hope he is well behaved in the new house!

dog near the beach. Lots of grass.
The beach was closed this day. It was rainy and windy. Some of the roads flooded. It is scary to have a beach house. How do people deal with it during hurricane season?
This was before the flooding. When the water was high, the pier was covered and there was no walking here.
bedroom with a ceiling fan.
Where I spent the most time – the bedroom.
Loved it out here. Great view.
The beach
Beach was closed. My dog doesn’t love the beach like me, so he was fine. He loves the park.

He’s not sleeping. Just blinking. He hates when I take his picture!

I wish I had more time. But I really didn’t have time to post this. I’ll be back after I move.


Thanks for reading. Bye!

So Lost Sometimes

Countdown:

4 days until my vacay

17 days until I move

I’m so tired. I think I’m on my third week of working 70 hours a week. For this week, it’s either work now or work on my vacation. I didn’t tell any of my clients I am going out of town. So, it’s my fault if they ask me to do something. I hope they don’t need anything extra from me. I’m only gone for about three and a half days.

I’M MOVING!!!

Unbelievable, right? I finally found a house. I will sign the lease tomorrow. I’m not moving until November 6 or 8. I told her the 8th, but now I think it’s best to move on a Saturday. I want to move around Thanksgiving, but she doesn’t want her house vacant for a long time.

P.S. I would not be going out of town if I knew I was going to be moving. I would rather save that time off for the move, but I didn’t think I would find a house to rent. Unfortunately, it’s too late to get my money back, so I’m leaving on Wednesday and will be back on Saturday.

The house is 40 minutes from where I live now. It’s a different city. I worked there as a temp there years ago, but I’ve never lived there.

She said no to me at first. I think I was her second choice. She said yes to someone else, but that fell through, and then she emailed me. She had 80 applicants! Coming in second isn’t bad. She doesn’t understand why I want to leave the bigger city to move to their small city.

AND my dog is an issue only because the next-door neighbor has two dogs. One is an unleashed yorkie. The other is a leashed pit bull in the backyard. My dog doesn’t like other dogs. He gets annoyed with them pretty quickly, so the yorkie will be interesting.

I’m worried about the pit bull because I like to take my dog outback. Will his dog bark the whole time? If so, my dog will bark. How will he use the bathroom? Will the yorkie constantly run in my yard every time I go outside? My dog will not do well with this. I’ll see what happens. I might have to sneak out the front. There are more people around the front, so I would rather go out back where only one person can see me.

The house is so tiny! But it’s just my dog and me. I chose not to pay the extra $50 a month for a washer and dryer. I wanted it, but it doesn’t make sense to spend that money when I could buy my own washer one day. And the landlord said she was going to buy a cheap washer and dryer. LOL. Thanks for telling me the truth. I do like her.

I can’t remember if there are closets. If not, this will be the second place I have rented without closets. I’m going to ask her tomorrow when I sign the lease. I’m not sure if the house will be empty when I go there tomorrow. I would love to see it one more time.

The only furniture I have is an old desk and my bed. Nothing will be in the living room. I’m calling it my yoga studio for now. Why not? I don’t see the point in living room furniture if I’m never going to be in there—what a waste of money.

What else? No AC. I will buy probably two window units. I think the previous tenant only had one unit. The place is small, but I’m surprised one AC cools the whole home. And no shed for the lawnmower. I will have to get one I can tie to the back porch. I might hire someone to mow the lawn for the first few months. It depends. I shouldn’t have to think about the lawn until March or April. Hopefully.

I could go on. But I’ll share a few pics. The place is pretty basic. LOL. So not much to show. There are two small bedrooms (one will be an office for me). The bathroom and kitchen are small. I’m glad I don’t cook.

Front of the house. The front yard is small. Yay.
The kitchen. I like the black. No space to really cook, though.

The living room AKA my yoga studio

One of the bedrooms. The bedrooms look identical. Nothing special. Small.

I might share more pics after I move in, but I’m too scared to spend money on making it look nice. I’m only spending on organization stuff.

More later.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Adele, Boyce Avenue, Lorde, Ellie Goulding, Mariah Carey, Kelly Clarkson, Lindsay Lohan, Taylor Swift

TV of the Week:  Survivor, Housewives, Only Murders in the Building

I don’t know what kind of TV I will have access to when I move. I will keep Hulu. I will probably have Netflix. I won’t have cable. So I might add $10 more worth of streaming services. I would like to be able to watch Survivor. It isn’t my favorite show, but I like it. I only watch TV when I eat. I watch one hour a day on most days.

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, True Crime Garage, Court Junkie, The Vanished, Your Permission Prescription, Undisclosed, Southlake, Crimelines

Books of the Week:

I finished I Alone Can Fix It: Donald J. Trump’s Catastrophic Final Year by Carol Leonnig and Philip Rucker ★★★★ Long book. The most informative part was the section on COVID. The rest was okay. It was hard keeping up with some of the names of the people in Trump’s organization. I don’t really care about most of these people. So maybe 3 and a half stars.

Goal for Next Week: Survive until my vacation. And then enjoy my time off. I want to use that time to plan for the beginning of 2022.

Weekend Plans: So far today (Saturday), I’ve worked and had therapy. Blogging is my break. I’m going back to work for a couple of hours after I post this. Tomorrow I’m working my day job for 5 hours and signing the lease. I also have to pay the deposit and pet fee tomorrow.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🥰 

Heading Down Hill

Countdown:

16 days until my mini-vacation

From my private journal – October 5, 2021

Is today the day of my breakdown? I cried a lot today. In front of my ADHD coach! I never cry anymore. It might be the Adderall. 

Not sure? I did ask for a short notice day off for tomorrow and I got it! Shocked. But she said yes. 

I don’t feel secure in my job at all. Time to look for a new job or double down on my business but I can’t do freelance work with the mandatory overtime. 

Frustrating.

I got TWO errors today. They might fight one. So not sure. But I was in such a good mood and then BAM. Errors. Fuck. (UPDATE: I only got one error. They took the other error back because I stood up for myself and told them they were wrong!)

My coach mentioned that I might have a visual processing problem! Interesting. Might be true. I never thought of that. I know I have a sound processing issue. I will look into that. 

I feel hopeless, helpless, frustrated, sad, angry, and misunderstood.

From my private journal – October 10, 2021

(What I plan to do on my mini-vacation)

Write your rough draft of why you want to pause.

I want to pause because life is shitty right now, and I need to figure out some next steps. I also want clarity. I need a break. I hate almost everything about my life.

Recently my emotions have been all over the place due to Adderall. Happy, sadness, & anger.

The story I’m making up: I have no control over my life. I have no support. No one cares about me. I’m the only one working a lot.

What I plan to do on my pause is….

  • Gain clarity on what I want the next few years to look like. Have a plan for what I need to do now to get there.
  • A successful pause would be actionable steps (a plan) on what to do these next two months. I plan to rest more than usual during my pause.
  • I hope to be calmer after the pause. Not as angry.
  • I want to have a plan for a digital release in January of 2022. Decide whether I need to take a class and/or hire a coach.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Alana Davis, Charlotte Martin, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Boyce Avenue, Grace Potter, JoJo, Kacey Musgraves

TV of the Week:  Big Brother, Housewives, Elize Matsunga (sp?) 

I finished the Elize show. I don’t recommend it. It’s interesting, but should not have been a show.

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, True Crime Garage, Court Junkie, The Vanished, I Have ADHD, The Followers, Tara Brach

Books of the Week:

I finished ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction – from Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward M. Hallowell , John J. Ratey ★★★★ I have to read this again. Per usual, too much talk about kids with ADHD. But a decent read.

Goal for Next Week: Not to kill myself or anyone else.

Weekend Plans: I worked most of Saturday (yesterday). I did marketing stuff for my business today. I have learned my lesson and will not work ALL Sunday even if I feel like it. I only took one dose of Adderall today. One dose only lasts for 3 hours for me.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🥰 

What is Adult ADHD Like?

October happens to be ADHD awareness month, so good timing on my part. Anyway, it was hard finding good videos on adult ADHD. These are the ones that describe MY experience:

I didn’t show many signs of ADHD as a kid, but the video above reminded me of a few of my signs:

  • I made good grades in math, but I would also get told I could have had a higher grade if I didn’t make careless mistakes.
  • I had a hard time writing long papers.
  • I was obsessed with planners from the age of 8. I have had a planner every year since then.
  • I was messy and a little disorganized. I still am very messy. I have learned how to organize things.
  • I was hypersensitive to touch. Now, I can’t tolerate touch, noise or smells.
  • I would become addicted to every hobby. I still do now, but I don’t have as much time for hobbies now.
  • How could I forget the main thing??? I talk extremely fast. Always have. That’s the hyperactivity part of me.

I’m sure there are other things like low self-esteem, but I may have had that without ADD.

Links to articles on adult ADHD:

My favorite/most helpful books on ADHD

I will update this list of articles and books if I find a great read…if I remember!

I was just diagnosed with ADHD in August of 2021. I have read a few books on it. But I don’t really feel knowledgable about ADHD. I know more about social anxiety, and gastroparesis. I’m an expert on those.

I did try a non-medication for ADD. I only tried Adrenal and Focus from Mary Ruth Organics* (link). I think my ADD is too severe for this. It kind of helps, but a bottle would only last a week! It made me a little sleepy, so I think Adrenal and Focus is probably best for people with hyperactivity. If I had a kid with mild ADHD, I would probably try this first before meds. If it didn’t work, I would have no problems with medicine.

*Affl. link You get $10 off your first order if you use my link. I have stopped using Adrenal and Focus since I’m on Adderall. I do recommend their liquid vitamin multi-vitamin. I’ve taken it every day for the past 4 months and my lab results came back looking decent for someone with gastroparesis. I get most of my nutrients from their morning vitamin – NOT FOOD. I highly recommend any Mary Ruth products. All organic. No alcohol. Etc.

I have an ADHD coach. She’s still in school for her certification, so she’s affordable and we only meet twice a month. I recommend getting a coach if you can spare the money. There are also group programs which are definitely cheaper. I know I don’t do well in groups because I don’t talk! So I didn’t even seriously consider that. If you want a certified ADHD coach or group coaching, look here to get started. (link) I like that list because it can be filtered easily. I think I found my coach through just searching ‘ADHD membership’. She has a big monthly membership group that I am not a part of yet. She’s not currently taking anymore clients because she has 3 (including me) and with all that she has going on, she can’t take on more.

Therapy also helps and is probably much cheaper than coaching for most people. Please be sure the therapist is familiar with adult ADHD or you will get frustrated.

As far as organization goes, I use ClickUp* for all my business stuff and a few major personal things. I just bought a Planner Pad because so many people with ADHD rave about it. I just got it today. I will add a review here once I use it for a couple of months. ClickUp is the only thing that works for me as a business owner. I like that I can set recurring tasks since I do some things every month. I’ve also tried Trello, Notion and Asana. ClickUp is a little slow on my computer, but it works best for me.

*supposedly an aff. link, but I don’t know anyone who has gotten money from them – lol.

That’s all for now. I will try to update this post with articles, podcasts and videos as time goes on.

Have a good day. Thanks for stopping by. Don’t be a stranger. 🙂

Are You My Missing Piece?

I was on the wrong medication the whole time. ADD is overdiagnosed in kids. If a kid is hyper and makes bad grades, they are automatically labeled as someone with ADHD. However, adults are underdiagnosed. 

How many adults are on antidepressants when they aren’t depressed? I was depressed in college. But, I haven’t been depressed without reason for at least ten years! I’m not depressed. I have ADHD. 

I wish doctors were more aware of adult ADD and bipolar disease. Being on an antidepressant when you have bipolar is extremely dangerous. It could lead to suicide or a manic episode. 

Anyway, I’m finally on Adderall. It is the medicine I need. It WORKS! It has its downsides, of course. 

It does raise blood pressure and lowers appetite. Not for everyone. Since I’ve been dealing with gastroparesis for 8-9 months, I’m used to eating when I’m not hungry, so I’m doing it now. I have a schedule. You have to eat even though you’re not hungry. People with ADHD can often go hours forgetting to eat, but I’m used to my schedule now.

I am eating less, but my weight was 114 last week. I probably have lost a pound since taking Adderall. As long as it’s not due to gastroparesis, I’m fine. I don’t want to weigh less than 110. 

The blood pressure thing is going to be interesting. I go see a NEW PCP on Tuesday. He may want me off Adderall if my BP is high, but I’m not going off. I have been waiting for most of my life to feel normal. Dude, you can give me a medicine for hypertension, but I’m not going off the Adderall. I just started! AND IT WORKS!

I have less anxiety (until the medicine wears off). I’m content, and I’m less frustrated. I’m working better. I’m able to focus. I think more clearly. Etc. 

I will ask for a higher dose. 10 MG is extremely low. Of course, I don’t know how things will go, but I’m guessing 20 MG twice a day will work for me. I want to try three times a day (I’m taking it twice a day on most days), but I can’t let anything affect my sleep. 

Some people only take meds when they have school or work. But #1. I work almost every day #2. It helps with anxiety, and I’m always anxious, so why would I take a day off? #3. It helps me with my mood. Uh, hell yeah, I want to feel content. 

If I remember, I will take about non drug alternatives to helping with ADHD. I have tried a few things. I will review those later. Maybe next time.

Today is Sunday. I worked from 7 AM to 9 PM yesterday (with a nap in between), so I could take most of today off. I’m only taking one dose today. It does raise my BP, so my body could use a break. 

When I go on my vacation in late October, I might try skipping a day or just taking one dose a day. Or I might take one amount a day.

Speaking of my vacation, I’m so excited!!! I do want new tires before I go. I still have to do that. I think I only need one tire, but I may as well get four new ones since I have to get my car inspected in November. 

I’m buying one new book today that I can’t find in the library. But other than that, I’m not spending any more money on unnecessary stuff until November. I need to focus on getting $5K in my moving savings account, so I feel comfortable moving. I only have $1,100 for my move because I decided to take a vacation, and hey, why not buy some winter clothes?

In my defense, I did buy the winter clothes from ThredUp (an online thrift store – aff. link). However, I don’t go anywhere, so most of these clothes are for when I walk the dog and to wear around the house. I would share pics of all the clothes I ordered, but I ordered the plainest sweaters. I don’t care how I look when I walk around the house or the neighborhood. I wear wrinkle shit all the time. LOL. 

I did buy a few things I will wear when I go to the grocery store and doctor’s appointments. I HATE the cold, so I’m only going grocery shopping once a month starting in November. Anyhow, here are some of the nicer clothes I bought from ThredUP:

This jacket will be used exclusively for dog walking. I hope it will last all winter, but I seriously doubt it. It’s probably not thick enough.
I love cardigans. This is for the rare occasion when I actually go somewhere.
I will be wearing this sweater every time I leave my house this winter.
An example of what I will be wearing around the house. The other clothes are so plain, I’m not going to post them, but for some reason I think this will be comfy to work in. I can’t wait to get this.

This post is getting long, so I’m going to get right to finishing it up with what I consumed this week.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Jewel, Boyce Avenue, Chris Stapleton, Ellie Goulding, JoJo, Joss Stone

TV of the Week:  Big Brother, Housewives, Elize Matsunga (sp?)

Rooting for Xavier to win BB. He played the best game. He’a a Taurus. The end. Kyland is trash. I always knew that.

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, True Crime Garage, What Should I Read Next?, Court Junkie, The Vanished, Southlake, Murdaugh Murders

Books of the Week: I finished reading two books over these past two weeks. I finished:

All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness by Sheila Hamilton ★★★★★ This is one of the best books I’ve read this year.

Victim F From Crime Victims to Suspects to Survivors by Denise Huskins & Aaron Quinn ★★★★1/2 Great book. If you like true crime or nonfiction, I recommend this. My only complaint is that it is about 50 pages too long.

Goal for Next Week: To not lose my mind. I’m working 60 hours again next week. I have 2 hours off from my day job to go to the doctor. I would like to start reading a new book next week during work breaks. Hopefully, if I do all the exercises in the book, it will lead to me being less confused. I need to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life because working 60 hours a week sucks. The book is – Pause: Harnessing the Life-Changing Power of Giving Yourself a Break.

Weekend Plans: I’m going to eat lunch and then work on marketing my business a little. Then walk my dog. Nothing too exciting.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🥰 Bye.

I Want Simple Times

I have two things I am very excited about. But, of course, I am worried about how both things could go wrong—typical me.

The thing that made me smile this week is that my psychiatrist prescribed me Adderall. I wanted Vyvanse because my ex-therapist told me that would do wonders for me. Unfortunately, my doctor doesn’t want to deal with the health insurance company. Vyvanse isn’t even that expensive. I would pay for it.

Anyway, I haven’t started Adderall yet. It’s coming through the mail. I probably will have it by Thursday. I’ve been on meds for years. So why haven’t they worked? Uh, because maybe they were treating the wrong thing! I have ADHD first. Everything else is secondary.

What would it be like to be normal? I know the neurodiversity crowd doesn’t like the word ‘normal.’ They don’t want to be normal. I WANT TO BE FUCKING NORMAL. Okay, I don’t want to be boring. But the norms in the United States are based on people being ordinary. To work or make a living, it’s far easier to make money when you are normal.

The Adderall might not work. Some of the side effects are losing weight and GI issues. Well, I already have a severe GI issue. I’m underweight. I just want the med to work. My work is suffering. I have to work so hard to focus during the day.

I’m so thankful to my doctor. I was shocked when he said he treated ADHD! I asked him about eight years ago, and he said that he didn’t prescribe stimulants. So I assumed it was still valid. I’m glad I was wrong.

I’m too scattered to explain how ADHD affects me. Here is a chart that kind of explains what it’s like for me:

FWIW, I’m good at listening. I just can’t follow verbal directions. I need things written down.

Check back for updates on how Adderall works for me. I’m hoping for the best. Even if it works a little, I would consider that a win. I need less chaos.

I booked a 3 night/4 day trip to a private beach at the end of October!!! I’m working SO much. I can’t move, so I’m going to have a little fun. At this point, it will just be my dog and me.

I’m concerned that it might snow. But I looked it up, and it NEVER snows in October, but it’s the last week of October. So I’m still a little nervous. But, I can still get my money back up to October 13. So that makes me feel good in case something comes up.

The house is charming. It’s within walking distance of the beach. It’s going to be cool, so I won’t be spending much time there. I’m planning on spending most of my time in the house. You can see the beach from the windows and deck. That’s good enough for me.

I’m glad I could pay CASH for this trip—no more credit cards for me. Well, I have to have credit because that’s how America runs. But for now, I don’t use credit cards. Eventually, I might want to better my credit score, so I might buy furniture or something with credit. Anyway…

I’m leaving on October 27. Here are some pics of the vacation house.

This is where my dog and I will spend most of our time. I’m not going into the other bedrooms. See that desk? I will be using it. This is probably going to be a working vacation unless I can get everything done in advance.
How close the house is to the beach – walking distance.
The kitchen. I will probably bring prepared food with me, so that I won’t have to cook.
The deck.
The sunroom. It’s added on to the master bedroom where I will spend most of my time.
The living room. Probably will only stay here if I have DVDs. There’s a DVD player in this room.

My dog behaves pretty well but I want to be extra careful. So I’m mainly staying in the bedroom and sunroom. I’ll be watching my dog 24/7. He will go everywhere with me – whether he likes it or not. LOL.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Kacey Musgraves, Elle Varner, The Wreckers, Boyce Avenue, Lizzo, Mariah Carey, Caitlyn Smith, Danielle Bradbury

TV of the Week:  Big Brother, Housewives

I hope Tiffany wins BB. She has played the best game.

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, True Crime Garage, What Should I Read Next?, Court Junkie, The Vanished,

Books of the Week: I finished reading The Comfort Book by Matt Haig – ★★★★ I love Matt Haig’s books. I think he is my current favorite author. I’m scared to Google him. What has he done wrong???

Goal for Next Week: I’m working 60 hours again next week. 🤯  BUMMER. My goals include doing good work, not getting overwhelmed and to not be so reactive. Adderall would probably help with all of that. ::crossing fingers::

Weekend Plans: The weekend is almost over. I worked most of yesterday. After I post this, I’m going to walk my dog, take a nap, eat dinner and work.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🥰 

Bad Blood

I have to work 60 hours this week and another 60 hours next week. Most people don’t have to work this much. I want this to end. I don’t mind working 60 hours for myself. I’m only working 10 hours a week for myself. The rest is for the man. The horrible man.

I do get two days off from my corporate job the week of Sept. 6. I’m also off on Sept. 20. I’m desperate for a getaway with my dog. Instead of planning my birthday trip for May 2022, I should be planning a trip for October or November. I have to think about it.

I have decided not to move right now. I’m saving money instead. I can’t afford to rent A HOUSE within an hour of where I live now. The high rent prices are kind of a new thing within the last year. I lived in a house in a nice neighborhood for five years. I will be able to afford to rent in about two years. But I don’t want to wait that long. I’m not living in a good situation. It’s affecting my physical and mental health.

Work is also affecting my health, but I know I would do better if I just lived in a house with my dog. I have proof from the past.

I still haven’t been able to get the kind of medication I need for my ADHD. So why can Richard quickly get medicine, but I have to drink caffeinated water and soda? I’m not supposed to be drinking soda, but soda is much cheaper than the water. And I happen to love Mountain Dew. I might consider just paying double for the damn water. Trust me; I’m glad caffeinated water exists. I wish I didn’t have to order it from Amazon.

In summary, life sucks right now. If I have to work this much, I want to be able to live alone. BTW, I can’t live in an apartment due to noise. I have sensory processing issues (due to ADHD or autism), and noise triggers me. I used to have panic attacks when I lived in a townhouse. I couldn’t work. I wasted money on hotels. It was horrible.

I have a new therapist. She lives where I went to college. It is a Republican, conservative, Christian city. I’m so far from that. I’m not sure this is going to work. She asked whether I had a boyfriend. When I said “no,” she didn’t follow up with “a girlfriend? a partner?” And she seemed shocked when I said I wasn’t a Christian.

She thinks my life is strange. It is, but I don’t see it that way. Well, I know the way I grew up was weird, but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. And of course, I know my life is strange now, but the strange parts are the parts I like for the most part.

I wouldn’t say I like working so much. And I don’t like how I am forced to live—those two things I would like to change. By next June, I may start looking for houses to rent again. Not counting my emergency fund*, I have money saved for rent. Hopefully, by June, I will feel more secure and have much more saved.

*My ER fund is only to be used if I’m unemployed and not making enough in my business. So I hope I don’t need it for a long time.

I hope the people in Louisiana stay safe. It sounds really bad right now.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Alana Davis, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, Boyce Avenue, Donna Missai, Kacey Musgraves, Maggie Rogers, Rachel Platten

TV of the Week:  Big Brother, Housewives

Movies of the Week: Midnight in Paris, All Good Things

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed All Good Things. I thought it was too short. I’m sure it was 100X better because I am watching the Robert Durst trial. I found the movie fascinating.

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Generation Why, True Crime Garage, Crimelines, What Should I Read Next?, Court Junkie, The Vanished, Women & ADHD

Books of the Week: I finished reading:

Back in the Burbs by Avery Flynn and Tracy Wolff ★★★

Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey ★★★★ 1/2

Goal for Next Week: Survive. Find a ADHD doctor or at least make a spreadsheet of doctors to call. I’m thinking of hiring someone to make the phone calls. I will probably have a list of at least 20-30 doctors. Maybe I could pay them $50 to $60? That’s a fair rate. Way better than I get paid if it only takes 5 minutes for each call. I hate calling people and I don’t have time during working hours.

Weekend Plans: Today is Sunday. I slept in today. My dog LOVED it. I worked all day yesterday and after I publish this blog, I’m going to work and then take my dog for a walk.

Have a great week! Thanks for reading. 🙂