I’m a Mountain Dew Drinker

It looks like my gastroparesis may be back. I hope everyone who stressed me out and worked me to death is thrilled. 

Fuck them all. 

Other than that, things are going great! Can you feel the sarcasm? 

I’m really pissed about the gastroparesis being back. But moving and working 70 hours a week might do that to anyone. 

I ate french fries for dinner tonight (Friday night. I don’t know when I’ll be posting this). I can’t even think about a burger. I hope I don’t start losing weight again. Last time I got down to 103. That sucked. I’m now about 113. My jeans are getting loose again. I didn’t notice how hard it was to talk due to a lack of energy and nausea. People thought I didn’t want to talk when I was just sick.

Well, I never WANT to talk to people. But I couldn’t say more than a few words at a time without feeling sick. It was so bad. 

I feel so exhausted, and guess what? There was no required overtime at my job this week. And it was still crappy. I feel better about some things, but overall not a good week. 

I got my Samsung Galaxy Book Go, and I’m not using it now. LOL. But I do plan to use it more later today. I did use it during the week, but not much for work stuff. 

The Book Go is suitable for students. It’s not for people who like to listen to music. Spotify skips, and the volume isn’t loud enough. I haven’t tried listening with noise-canceling headphones yet. 

For now, I will say I’m glad my MacBook Air still works. I usually wait until a computer dies before I get another one. But with my work, I can’t wait until a computer dies. I need to get shit done now. 

I will review it more later. Unfortunately, I can’t do a full review without working on it. 

I’ve decided to write my book. I’ve been writing it since 2007. I will self-publish it. I’m getting it all organized for the editor. It will cost between $400 to $600 to edit. It won’t be a great edit, but I’m not spending a ton editing a book I’m not planning to make a lot of money on. I’m thinking about taking donations. I might make $100 a year from this book. Or less. I just want my book out. 

I thought finding clothes for ThredUP* would be fun. But now they aren’t sending bags anymore. So I have to box my clothes up and send it to them. It won’t cost me anything (except a trip to the post office), but I don’t have a box big enough for all the jeans I have. Jeans are heavy. Ugh. 

So I don’t know what I’m planning to do. That was supposed to be my fun project. I have one small-medium box. Maybe 4-5 pairs of jeans can’t fit in there. Dude, I want to get rid of at least 20 pairs of jeans. 

Whatever.

On Wednesday, a guy yelled, “bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch” across the street at me. Was there one more bitch? I don’t know. The guy has mental issues. I don’t know what they are. It could be a learning disability. (That’s not mental, right?) 

It didn’t bother me. I was pissed because I couldn’t find help. He is a Black male with some learning issues or mental illness. If I were him, I would be pissed off too. The world has probably failed him in so many ways. I understand. I get it. 

However, if he approached me…Well, my dog was with me. My dog wouldn’t let him get too close. So anyway, he was across the street calling me a bitch. He was far away. There was no physical threat. Do I want it to happen again? NO. I don’t like attention—someone yelling at you kind of puts attention on you. 

The United States has failed so many people. The few who are doing fine refuse to acknowledge their privilege. That makes people angrier. LOL. If you can split bills with a partner, you are lucky. America punishes single people without kids. If you are a single woman (or identify as a woman) without kids, try getting into a domestic violence shelter. They usually get turned away. 

People say ask for help. WHERE IS THE FUCKING HELP? Stop telling people that unless you have a resource. I will talk about this again. This bothers me so much. 

Oh, and I have been lucky in my life. I admit that all the time. I could say renting this house is a privilege, BUT I just moved here on November 7. It could be horrible (I hope not). I’m not going to know until at least six months to a year. Most things that started as “luck” turned out lousy over time. That’s just life. I still consider that being lucky if I didn’t do it myself. 

Once, I got a HUGE raise. That was luck. Well, I went to work every day* and did an okay job. But I didn’t ask for a raise. My manager just picked three people for a raise. I bet he wouldn’t get away with that now. Anyway, him giving me a raise is why I’m making what I’m making now. I’m still working class, so it’s not enough to live off. I’m not middle class or anything. I had to start a business to really make money. 

*I was lucky to be able to work every day because I was healthy for the most part. 

I will probably make a little over $50,000 in 2021. That includes my business income and overtime. So no, I don’t make a lot at my full-time job. But I do make more than the median income in The United States. Some people get free food (EBT AKA food stamps) or the child tax credit. I have a person in my family that makes more than I do (from my day job) with JUST the child tax credit. She also works. She has to pay for childcare for the one or two, not in school. If the child tax credit stays forever, I would consider not working if I were her. 

The child tax credit won’t solve everything. If a person needs healthcare, they will probably need to get a job eventually. This is another massive failure of our system and why I’m working full-time. However, I am considering quitting in 2023 and just freelance. I might not have healthcare, so I hope the gastroparesis doesn’t return. 

My point is, I have been lucky. I point out where I have been lucky. I point out where I have NOT received any help. If a person makes more than me on unemployment and doesn’t have the stress of working, I consider that lucky because working for someone else makes me physically and mentally sick. Therefore, I need money from the government. Working is making me sick. But who cares? Only me. 

This Week I…

Music of the week: JJ Heller, Adele, Boyce Avenue, Joss Stone, Ellie Goulding, Joss Stone, Kelly Clarkson, Mariah Carey

My top three artists for 2021 were Taylor Swift, Miranda Lambert, and Jewel. 

TV of the Week:  Survivor, Vanderpump Rules

Movie of the WeekLandline. 3 stars. I’m mad someone recommended this, but I was working while watching, so not a complete waste of time. It’s just not a good movie. Oh, but Eddie Falco is in it. I love her. She’s not in it enough to make it watchable. 

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, True Crime Garage, Court Junkie, The Vanished, Crimelines, Generation Why, 10% Happier

Books of the Week: Still reading Women With ADHD by Roberta Sanders and Both/And: A Life in Many Worlds by Huma Abedin. I’m not going to finish Huma’s book in time. It’s due at the library in 3 or 4 days. After that, I might get it from Audible. The book is so long. There is no way I could read this book in 21 days. 

Goal for Next Week: I don’t know yet. I might have to work overtime. I hope not. I have a meeting with a new client on Tuesday. She hasn’t signed the contract, so technically, she’s not a client yet. She’s an artist. I have never worked with an artist before. This should be interesting. I might call the autism resource line to talk to a social worker. It’s a free benefit from my job, so why not? I’m also meeting with a person to discuss how I want to do this book thing. Do I give parts away for free and hope for donations? I don’t know how I want to set it up yet. There are so many options. 

Weekend Plans: Well, today is Sunday. I took my dog to the vet yesterday. I hope his tests went well. I will find out next week. My dog was limping. The doctor couldn’t tell if it was arthritis or something else because my dog was nervous and tense. I do get one “free” X-ray a year. I want to save it in case something happens. Sigh. If he seems fine, I will get the X-rays done in October 2022. I am paying for that benefit, and it might be helpful to get a yearly x-ray even if nothing seems wrong. 

I want to work on my book for at least one hour today. Then do one hour of marketing my biz. I will set a timer for these tasks because I need to relax. I gotta go. My dog thinks it’s lunch time and he is driving me nuts.

I know this is a long entry. If you read it, whoa! 😄Thanks for reading. Have a great week.