Bad Blood

I have to work 60 hours this week and another 60 hours next week. Most people don’t have to work this much. I want this to end. I don’t mind working 60 hours for myself. I’m only working 10 hours a week for myself. The rest is for the man. The horrible man.

I do get two days off from my corporate job the week of Sept. 6. I’m also off on Sept. 20. I’m desperate for a getaway with my dog. Instead of planning my birthday trip for May 2022, I should be planning a trip for October or November. I have to think about it.

I have decided not to move right now. I’m saving money instead. I can’t afford to rent A HOUSE within an hour of where I live now. The high rent prices are kind of a new thing within the last year. I lived in a house in a nice neighborhood for five years. I will be able to afford to rent in about two years. But I don’t want to wait that long. I’m not living in a good situation. It’s affecting my physical and mental health.

Work is also affecting my health, but I know I would do better if I just lived in a house with my dog. I have proof from the past.

I still haven’t been able to get the kind of medication I need for my ADHD. So why can Richard quickly get medicine, but I have to drink caffeinated water and soda? I’m not supposed to be drinking soda, but soda is much cheaper than the water. And I happen to love Mountain Dew. I might consider just paying double for the damn water. Trust me; I’m glad caffeinated water exists. I wish I didn’t have to order it from Amazon.

In summary, life sucks right now. If I have to work this much, I want to be able to live alone. BTW, I can’t live in an apartment due to noise. I have sensory processing issues (due to ADHD or autism), and noise triggers me. I used to have panic attacks when I lived in a townhouse. I couldn’t work. I wasted money on hotels. It was horrible.

I have a new therapist. She lives where I went to college. It is a Republican, conservative, Christian city. I’m so far from that. I’m not sure this is going to work. She asked whether I had a boyfriend. When I said “no,” she didn’t follow up with “a girlfriend? a partner?” And she seemed shocked when I said I wasn’t a Christian.

She thinks my life is strange. It is, but I don’t see it that way. Well, I know the way I grew up was weird, but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. And of course, I know my life is strange now, but the strange parts are the parts I like for the most part.

I wouldn’t say I like working so much. And I don’t like how I am forced to live—those two things I would like to change. By next June, I may start looking for houses to rent again. Not counting my emergency fund*, I have money saved for rent. Hopefully, by June, I will feel more secure and have much more saved.

*My ER fund is only to be used if I’m unemployed and not making enough in my business. So I hope I don’t need it for a long time.

I hope the people in Louisiana stay safe. It sounds really bad right now.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Alana Davis, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, Boyce Avenue, Donna Missai, Kacey Musgraves, Maggie Rogers, Rachel Platten

TV of the Week:  Big Brother, Housewives

Movies of the Week: Midnight in Paris, All Good Things

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed All Good Things. I thought it was too short. I’m sure it was 100X better because I am watching the Robert Durst trial. I found the movie fascinating.

Podcasts of the Week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Generation Why, True Crime Garage, Crimelines, What Should I Read Next?, Court Junkie, The Vanished, Women & ADHD

Books of the Week: I finished reading:

Back in the Burbs by Avery Flynn and Tracy Wolff ★★★

Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey ★★★★ 1/2

Goal for Next Week: Survive. Find a ADHD doctor or at least make a spreadsheet of doctors to call. I’m thinking of hiring someone to make the phone calls. I will probably have a list of at least 20-30 doctors. Maybe I could pay them $50 to $60? That’s a fair rate. Way better than I get paid if it only takes 5 minutes for each call. I hate calling people and I don’t have time during working hours.

Weekend Plans: Today is Sunday. I slept in today. My dog LOVED it. I worked all day yesterday and after I publish this blog, I’m going to work and then take my dog for a walk.

Have a great week! Thanks for reading. 🙂