I stand to lose from winning

I’m so confused. I need to blog and listen to Miranda Lambert.


I really need to live alone. I’m happiest that way. I hate all these restrictions on my life. Work, roommate, and government restricitons. I was diagnosed with severe ADHD. Well, guess what? I can’t get medicine for it. And money is NOT the issue.

It’s the stupid laws. I can only get a stimulant drug with an in-person doctor. Well, there are no in-person doctors that are taking new patients. So I’m stuck with some shitty medicine that supposedly treats hyperactivity. Guess what? I have ADD. I’m not hyper.

Fuck. I feel like I have had the worst luck recently when it comes to medical stuff. Who gets gastroparesis? Only me. I think about 10% of the population has it, but unless the person goes through a traumatic event or burns out (me), it doesn’t show up enough to cause problems. I’ve had GP probably all my life. It only affected me when I was working 24/7 (like right now).

So no magic fix for me (a stimulant). I probably won’t take it long. It causes sleepiness. And I quit meds that do that. I can’t afford to be sleepy. I need to PAY ATTENTION. What a fucking concept!

Anyway, I might have a house to rent. The worst thing about the whole thing is that it is 6 hours away from me. Who has time for this shit? Not me. BUT it might be worth it. Another downside is that it is in a small town—less than 1,500 people. LOL.

It would be weird to live there. So I’ll be the person who never leaves their house. S said I could see the house after August 21. The move-in date is September 1. I’m so nervous right now. I can’t even think.

What happens to my current doctors? Do they have good internet? A MUST for work. Will I be able to find someone to mow my lawn until I get a lawnmower? The yard is HUGE. Even if I get a mower, when will I have time? These people are working me to death. What are the utility bills like? I know there isn’t a Walmart there, but how far do I have to go to get to a REAL grocery store.

My car is over ten years old. So, I won’t be able to keep coming back to where I live now. SIGH.

I have so many things to think about. I hate thinking these days. Why do I suddenly seem to have severe ADHD? Well, I’ve had signs all my life. But once I had to quit drinking coffee and Mountain Dew for the caffeine, my life went downhill. Why? Because the stimulant in the caffeine was helping me keep it together.

I’m not supposed to drink soda due to having GP, but I just started back this week realizing that caffeine HELPS me. I haven’t gotten sick. But I do have a little stomach pain. But I’m so freaking desperate. No one will give me the medicine I need, so I’m taking herbs and caffeine. The herbs make me slightly sleepy, so I will stop that if the ADHD medicine makes me sleepy too.

More on all this later. Time for pictures of the house that I MIGHT have. Three bedrooms. Two baths. There is a tenant in there now, so no pics of the inside. I hope if I choose to see it, I like the interior. I’m not picky, but I don’t want something falling apart either.

The view! I LOVE it.
SWOON! I love the outside.
Look at that balcony! You can see a nice view of the town from there.

When I look at these pictures, I get excited but when I think of really moving. SIGH. I don’t usually mind moving. I don’t even have much to move (no sofas or dining room tables etc). But moving anything 6 hours will be expensive. Bummer.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Miranda Lambert, Joss Stone, Lindsay Lohan, Marren Morris, Rachel Platten, Robyn, Taylor Swift, Tracy Chapman

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Housewives

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, So You Wanna Be a Witch,Generation Why, True Crime Garage, Crimelines, What Should I Read Next?, Court Junkie, Dear Gabby, Sword and Scale

Books of the Week: Currently reading –

Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder by Drs. Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey

Back in the Burbs by Avery Flynn and Tracy Wolff

Goal for Next Week: Survive! I forgot to mention that I have two days off next week. I would say that I wish I would have saved those days for the potential move BUT NO, I’m so freaking exhausted. I’m working about 60 hours this week!  

Weekend Plans: Mostly working. I might take my dog to the park on Sunday. I was going to take him on Tuesday (my day off) but it’s going to rain. I’ve worked 10 hours today. I’m out of it. There’s so much more to say. But I think I said enough for now.

Have a great week! Thanks for reading. 🙂