Invest in My Happiness

I’m stuck at 105 pounds. I was up to 107, and then I did all that walking and hiking on vacation. Since then, I’ve been 105. I was down to 103 when I was my sickest. 105 doesn’t seem that great. I should weigh at least 125. But I’m happiest at 135.

It occurred to me yesterday that of course, I’m stuck. I keep eating the same things day after day! With gastroparesis, I don’t have a lot of food options. I cleaned out my freezer yesterday. I gave so much food away. I can’t eat it any longer. If I could processed food (like I used to), I would weigh at least 110.

I’m wearing a size four pair of jeans I recently ordered from ThredUp. I should have ordered size two. But I thought for sure I would gain enough to wear a size four. I did order one pair of size two jeans. I haven’t tried them on yet.

Anyway, I started a liquid multivitamin because most of the food I can eat doesn’t have many nutrients. I hope my body is absorbing the vitamin. With gastroparesis, the liquid could sit in my stomach. Who knows?

I’m so pissed at my workplace. They don’t want me to be great. We had a break from mandatory overtime this week. But next week, I have to do ten extra hours. I’m physically and mentally sick. PLUS, I’m running a business. I hate them!

How am I supposed to ever leave and get my business off the ground if I’m always working for them? They are hiring more people (temps, I think) BUT training is 6 to 8 weeks. Does that mean we have eight more weeks of working 50 hours a week? Just shoot me.

If I were 25 years old with no major illnesses and no business, I would be OK with working extra hours. However, that is not my life.

I’m supposed to get my second COVID vaccine next Saturday. I took that the following Monday off in case I have side effects. I decided to get the vaccine because my GP (gastroparesis) isn’t that bad right now. I can eat without vomiting, and I’m not as nauseous.

My medical marijuana card should be here in 20 days or so. Weed will be legal here in July, so I don’t know if I will use the card. That might help with appetite.

I had a great trip with my dog. I’m bummed that I’m back. LOL. The cabin was nice. I loved the beaches. One was better than the other. The one farther away (about a mile) is really nice. It was pretty much empty. I had one conversation with a lady about my dog. Other than that, I didn’t talk to anyone.

I slept and read a lot. I walked about 5 miles a day. That’s the only way to get to the beach. It isn’t accessible for people with problems walking. Next year, I’m going to the actual beach or a different state park. State parks are cheaper, which is why I went this year.

My dog and the beach don’t get along well. And only expensive hotels accept dogs. I went in 2019 with my dog. He growled at every dog in the lobby. It was embarrassing. At one point, I thought they might say he was too aggressive and kick us out! One of the workers (from the kitchen, I believe) was complaining about my dog barking. Not good.

Weekly

Music of the week: Jewel, John Mayer, Joss Stone, Mariah Carey, Taylor Swift, Amy Grant, Ariana Grande, Bishop Briggs

TV of the week:  The Handmaid’s Tale

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Confronting Columbine, Abraham Hicks Daily, We Can Do Hard Things, Generation Why, The Piketon Massacre, True Crime Garage

Books of the Week: I’ve read so many books since I’ve done a list here. I don’t have time to list all the books here. Currently reading –

Living (Well!) with Gastroparesis by Crystal Zaborowski Saltrelli

Demons Forever by Sarra Cannon

Goal for next Week: Start meditating again. I used to be so good at it. I haven’t meditated for two days straight in a month! Next week is probably not a good time to stat with work and all, but I’ll try. I also want to keep journaling in my ‘private’ journal.

Weekend Plans: I just got back from walking my dog. It’s so hot and lovely. I went grocery shopping earlier today. I will probably work for about an hour this evening. My clients keep giving me new stuff to do. Tomorrow I’m going to try and take it easy because I know next week will be hell with the mandatory overtime.

Thanks for reading. Have a great day. 🙂 If I don’t update it’s probably because they are working me to death.