Trying My Best


7 days until my birthday

8 days until my bday trip

I may be blogging more with shorter entries. Not sure. Anyway, I’m feeling better. I’m not at 100%. But I do feel like I can go on my trip next week.

The last time I weighed myself, I was 105 pounds. Still not healthy and very underweight for my height. But at least I’m not losing right now. I lost all my muscle. My body is achy and tired. I’m so thin. Too thin.

I went to see my PCP on Tuesday. She didn’t do anything. So I’m not going back to her. My therapist told me to go to my PCP, but I knew it was pointless. The doctor just said, “I wish I could put some weight on you”.

I go to the GI doctor on Wednesday. Since I’m feeling a little better, I’m nervous about that visit. When I made the appointment, I felt like shit, and I wasn’t eating. Now I’m eating/drinking five to six small meals a day. Snacks and smoothies count as “meals” in my diet.

My mom was supposed to go with me on my trip. Now she won’t be able to come. I am not going to lie. I’m kind of glad to be alone with my dog. BUT she could’ve helped out with packing and once I’m there. Now I have to do everything on my own. Ugh. I hate cleaning. LOL. I’ll have to do the dishes after every meal. Haha.

I’m currently working on my packing list. It seems like it is going to be so long. If I weren’t working so much, I wouldn’t feel as overwhelmed. I don’t know if I have to work overtime next week. I really hope not, but I would be shocked if I could only work 40 hours. We are really behind.

Work is always a stressor for me. Imagine being told you have to work 50 hours! MORE STRESS. It is not helping me. (I am making more money, of course. But my health is more critical than overtime money).

The company treated me like shit for taking ONE day off to go to urgent care. I’ve been sick since July 2020. I worked every day. SICK. I was vomiting while working. FUCK THEM.

I should have been on disability years ago. But I thought it was nobler to work. I no longer believe that. Being on disability has a few drawbacks. I could still have my business, but that would cut into how much money I would get. Besides, I don’t know if I would get approved.

Oh! I got approved for medical marijuana. I’ve never tried weed, so I’m a little nervous about it. Weed will be legal here in July, so I won’t need to renew the card next year. Anyway, marijuana helps with stimulating appetite, nausea, and sleep. I desperately need help in all those areas. I haven’t gotten my card yet. Going to the dispensary will be quite an adventure.

I’m excited about my birthday trip! I get that whole week off. I’ve been working nonstop since February 2020. I NEED A BREAK.

I’m not sure I’m going to blog before the trip. I have some ‘private’ entries I may post here. There’s nothing really private about it. I do have to remove names of people and places before I post, though.

Thanks for reading! Have a good week. 🙂