Still hanging out in dark bars

I’ve been telling various people my story, and all have come to the same conclusion – I’m stuck. That’s not comforting. Who wants to be stuck and have no options?

I don’t even have my health. My weight is somewhat stable at 115. Sometimes it goes up a pound or two. Oh, and my blood pressure is 133 over 100, which is horrible, and I probably shouldn’t be walking around like this. However, I can’t eat much, so I have to eat whatever I can even if it’s “bad” for me. I’m never hungry. I just eat so I will have enough energy. No appetite.

I didn’t get to speak to the new psychiatrist. So no new medication for my stomach issues. But I do have an appointment with my old psychiatrist on Sunday night. He doesn’t seem to get that I can’t just stop my anti-depressant cold turkey. How can a doctor not get that??? And I know he’s a good doctor, so this is frustrating.

Nothing has changed. I’m stressed out due to things beyond my control, and that has made me physically sick.

I would be much less stressed if we had Medicare for All. But Americans want people to suffer, so we don’t have that. I find some comfort in the fact that some of them of suffering too. Yet they accept the health insurance we have! How dumb is that? But if they want to suffer…

I have two days off next week. Thank the universe!!! I need more weeks like this. I wanted to go to the park, but it will probably rain. I’m going to the thrift shop (I haven’t been there in years) and the sauna. The sauna is the only thing that takes my stress away, but it’s not free. It’s not too expensive. I’m going to sign up for the two visits a month plan for $49. I will try to keep it for three months.

The only downside of the sauna is that you can burn 600 calories from one visit. (!!!) Um, that’s the last thing I need. But I love the other effects, so I’ll do it twice a month until my money runs out. I hope I don’t burn that many calories. Not good.

I’m still crossing my fingers for the park. That was the whole plan for these days off. My dog would be so happy. It’s not supposed to rain on Sunday, but everyone is at the park on Sundays. My dog is not good around other dogs. Sigh. But that seems like my only choice. Whatever it takes.

Current Events: I’m listening to the Derek Chauvin jury selection process. (He kneeled on George Floyd’s neck). I’m so frustrated by the lack of women on the jury so far. Both sides are guilty of passing on women. Of course, there aren’t a lot of Black people on the jury so far. One juror identifies as Black. Oh, and there’s one Hispanic man and one biracial woman. I just want more women on the jury. The trial starts March 29. I will be there. Oh, and it was a big mistake for the city to award Floyd’s family $27 million BEFORE the trial. The jury will see that headline and it could mess up the verdict.

This week I…

Music of the week: Mary J. Blige, Taylor Swift, SWV, Grace Potter, Natasha Bedingfield, The Highwomen, Amy Grant, Carly Rae Jepsen

TV of the week:  Fatal Vows

Podcasts of the week:  Dateline, Truth and Justice, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie

Books of the Week: I’m reading about 10 books, but I haven’t finished any since I last posted.

Weekend Plans: Working. Some people complain about working 5 days a week, and yeah that sucks but try working WAY more and still not being able to have your own place. Try that and call me back. I woke up early this morning. I have about 50% of my work done for today. Not bad. I can’t wait until I start going to the sauna on every other Sunday. Tomorrow I’m going to try to finish a library book before it’s due. It’s a book about asexuality.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week/weekend. 🙂