Trouble swallowing my meds

My life is a shitshow. What else is there to say? It’s really bad. It just sucks. The end.

I saw two dieticians since I last posted. One didn’t know anything about gastroparesis, but seeing her was free, so not a big deal. The second dietician knows her shit, but she costs $55 per visit (I think – still waiting for the final bill). Ouch. $55? She’s good, but I don’t think anything she says is going to help me gain 20 pounds.

I have given up on getting back to my normal weight of 135 unless some kind of medication works. I just need to not go under 115 pounds. I’m already underweight for my height. Sigh.

Oh, and I finally got my labs back. My thyroid results came back abnormal, but who the fuck cares? Add that to the list. I might address that when I see my PCP in July. She sucks and is always late, so I have to take a whole day off to see her. I need a new doctor, but who has time to do that? Do I just pick someone randomly? I might do that.

I see a new psychiatrist on Friday (virtually). I hope she can get me off this anti-depressant, so I can take the medicine that might help with the gastroparesis. Whatever. Who cares? Next.

I’m financially fucked. I might see if I can sue Abilify (like many others have). Abilify is the reason why my life sucks so much right now. I hate how Americans sue people so easily, but this company fucked up my life and its in shambles because of them.

Why should I suffer for FIVE YEARS (or more) for what their medication caused? Why am I paying the price? Why? All I did was take a medication. They didn’t disclose that their medicine could cause compulsive spending until 2016 when so many people reported them. Abilify has been sued and has had to pay millions.

Is the statute of limitations a problem? Maybe. I will contact a legal service when I have the fucking time. Which is never because I’m always working to pay off the IRS and debt. All due to Abilify. Where is my debt forgiveness? I didn’t do shit to deserve all this. I just took medication.

Actually, it’s not only Abilify. If Joe Biden hadn’t come up with the bankruptcy bill, I would be fine right now. I wouldn’t have the stress. I probably wouldn’t be sick*. I might even be living alone. Thanks for nothing, Joe. Fuck him.

*The dietician did say my gastroparesis is probably due to stress which makes sense. I was doing A LOT of work in my business, and I started work in a new department. I had no air conditioner and was working in a 100-degree room. That’s when all this started.

I need a little mercy. Mercy.

I just need a break. I need one thing to go right.

This week I…

Music of the week: Mariah Carey, Joy Oladokun, Whitney Houston, Ed Sheeran, Emily Jones, JoJo, Natasha Bedingfield, Patty Griffin

TV of the week:  Fatal Vows

Podcasts of the week:  Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Truth and Justice, American Nightmare, Crimelines, Through the Cracks, Undisclosed 

Books of the Week: I finished two books since I last posted.

Badass Habits by Jen Sincero – Apparently everyone else likes this book more than I did. I know how to do habits so maybe I’m not the right person to read this book. I didn’t like that she kept mentioning losing weight as an example of a habit. Annoying. Otherwise, I guess this book is okay if a person has no idea on how to start a new habit. 3.5 stars.

If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen. Nonfiction. SO GOOD. So disturbing. This book will stay with you after you are done. The abuse of children and adults are so bad, I had to skip parts. I will never forget Shelly. She’s a monster. 5 stars.

Weekend Plans: I worked all day. Well, I just finished and decided to blog today instead of tomorrow morning. I could have done more work, but one of my clients didn’t give me enough info to start so now I will be scrambling next week. Sigh. These people are killing me. I’m taking Sunday off…unless the client responds. Then I might work an hour tomorrow. Otherwise, I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow. I will probably read. I hope there’s a good college basketball game on. I haven’t been watching much basketball this year, but I’m thinking of watching March Madness. I have the first two days of the tournament off from my full-time job.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week. 🙂