Bury me under the weight

My domain isn’t expiring until April. So I won’t be moving back to my old domain until then.

Everything is the same. Or worse. The fucking pharmacy couldn’t fulfill my medicine request because it was out of stock, so I can’t get it. How unlucky is that? I could try another pharmacy, but that’s still a pain because of all the phone calls.

So…I’m going to go without the medicine for now. I have an appointment with a dietician on Monday night, but it is unclear whether she deals with people wanting, no, NEEDING to gain weight. I messaged her on Thursday, but she hasn’t responded. I hope this isn’t a waste of time, but a lot of people waste my time. What else is new?

If she can’t help, I’m going to call a few local dieticians. Another bunch of phone calls. I hate talking on the phone. I guess that’s pretty obvious.

I don’t know what a dietician will say that I can’t Google. I don’t cook. I’m not spending a bunch of money on food. Every time I talk to someone about food, they either want me to cook or go to Whole Foods and double my food budget. Not happening.

I forgot the worst news. I’m going to owe a lot of taxes this year. Not just because I have a business, but because I’m in a debt consolidation program. I have to pay taxes on all the debt. So far, I owe $433, and it’s not done. I still have to wait for the other companies to send me their tax forms. I won’t be able to file until the very end of March. I might have to have a payment plan. I don’t have thousands to send to the IRS!

Everything sucks, and things are getting worse. I can’t get a break. I was reflecting earlier this week, and this is the worst time of my life. I don’t even have my health!

No love and light over here until I get some love and light. And it’s winter. It keeps snowing, so I haven’t been able to go to the lab to get my blood drawn. I’m going to try to do it this Friday morning if it doesn’t snow again. I have to take one test in the AM, which has been the problem. I have to take time off work for this shit. UGH.

I did get a new client. She’s going to pay me $300 a month for three months (all going to the IRS – LOL). So that’s good. I’m feeling imposter syndrome. What if I suck? What if I end up working 24/7 for this client just to get results? What if I can’t get results? Most people charge about $450 a month for this service because it is a lot of work. Sigh.

Current events: I’ve listened to about 70% of the impeachment hearing. What a nightmare for the people in the Capitol that day. Everyone should have had paid time off (yes, even the cops) after the incident. But we all know in this capitalist society that that didn’t happen. Work. Work. Work. Even if it kills you and some people did die by suicide. That’s tragic.

This week I…

Music of the week: Britney Spears, Joy Oladokun, Ariana Grande, Amy Grant, Stacie Orrico, Taylor Swift, Lindsay Lohan, Mariah Carey

Discovering Joy Oladokun is the best thing that has happened to me in 2021.

TV of the week:  Bridgerton

Podcasts of the week:  Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Truth and Justice, American Nightmare, Crimelines, Mental Illness Happy Hour, Tara Brach, Through the Cracks, Undisclosed

Books of the Week: I finished reading The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh It was okay. I would recommend other books to beginners. Speaking of meditation, my anxiety is so off the scale that I’ve been having a hard time meditating. I know meditation is important but I need a different method or time to meditate.

Weekend Plans: I’m setting up my work for my new client even though I don’t officially start until March 1. I will spend most of the day on her stuff. I’m taking tomorrow off. I’m trying to keep taking Sundays off for as long as I can. Can I take one day off a week? Am I worthy enough? Or do I exist just to pay bills?

Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend/week. 🙂