I’ve been lost and found and lost again

Ugh. Life sucks.

I don’t know what’s worse at this point. Pick a problem. Any problem. My health, money, and work are the main categories.

I got an ultrasound on Thursday. A week from now I should hear something from my doctor. I know I still have the hernia. I stopped the medicine after 30 days (per my doctor) and now I’m having difficulties eating breakfast.

I’m scared to weigh myself after this week. My jeans are falling off me. I know I have old jeans somewhere. But who has time to go through old clothes? Anyway, I will be concerned if I get below 120 pounds.

I was off three days this week. Going back is going to be tough for more than one reason. I’m tired. I’m bored. I hate that I can’t make mistakes. The work is too hard. They want us to work too fast. They don’t trust us. They treat us like machines. All my money goes to debt, so what am I working for?

Even my freelance money isn’t giving me enough to save. Savings? Yes, I saved some. I have about $350 in savings. But I might need brakes for my car. I will find out on November 20. I fixed the rear brakes last year. But that wasn’t good enough. That’s not all.

The debt consolidation people dared to ask me to pay an extra $500 a month for 6 months!!! Yes, you read that correctly. I have only $350 in savings. If I had an additional $500 a month, I would have real savings! WTF. I wish I was that well off.

I was so insulted that they even asked me. I’m not Jane – complaining about the election, with no real problems. Dude, I’m suffering. My health is not good. I have other issues that affect my future income that I haven’t even mentioned in this blog.

I don’t have $500 laying around. I was so pissed. I’m still pissed. I work my ass off. More than Jane. I will never stop mentioning Jane. Fuck Jane. Or Suzy. Same person.

Okay, so my life sucks. What else is new?

I’m glad to be working this week/weekend on my freelance work. It’s not paying as much as I would like, but I need the money. ANY MONEY. I think this money will go to car brakes. Unless I don’t need brakes. PLEASE. I could use a break. No pun intended.

About the $500, they are going to renegotiate with Sears. FUCK SEARS. The lady says they are mean to everyone. Yes, she used the word “mean.” If they can’t renegotiate, what do I do? Let them garnish my wages? File bankruptcy? I don’t know. I should know within a month. I owe them $3,000. They want the money back in 6 months. LOL. Why do they think I signed up for debt consolidation?

I’m sick of working for nothing. I work to pay the man. I can’t wait to be debt-free. I might buy a house one day. I know I will have to buy a car one day. Where I live, a car is a necessity. Plus, I want to move to a rural area. I live in the suburbs right now (right outside of the city).

They still haven’t gotten my ballot. With all that is going on, do you think I care? NO. I don’t give a shit. I’m pissed that I even wasted my time. In 2021, I will vote absentee again, but I won’t mail it back. I’ll drop the ballot off next time.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Ellie Goulding, Mandy Moore, Ed Sheeran, Grace Potter, James Arthur, Jojo

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Forbidden Love

Podcasts of the week: Truth & Justice, Dateline, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Forensic Files

Books of the week: Now reading – 

The Meaning of Mariah Carey by Mariah Carey

If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olson (The child abuse in this book is heartbreaking).

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn

Weekend Plans: Working. If it doesn’t rain, I may do yoga outside tomorrow morning. I need it. It’s 9:26 on Friday night and I’m so tired. I’ve been so anxious that I haven’t been able to nap. Napping lessons my anxiety after a work day. So not napping is bad for me.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week/weekend. 🙂