December entries pt 1

These are entries from my private journal…

November 24, 2019

Still bummed that N. hasn’t emailed back. Tempted to just use it because she did send it to me. If she isn’t coming to my website anymore, why the fuck should I care? She won’t know. This is my one chance to get a GOOD testimonial. Still thinking it through. Maybe I will temporarily use it. Then come to my senses.

So behind on the astrology class. Debating whether I should try to catch up or just take it again. Is it possible to catch up? Maybe I should dedicate Tuesdays and Thursdays to this class. Or all classes? It would be nice to not work on certain days.

November 25, 2019

I need to talk to myself. Lol. Um, I fucked up on Insta stories. But regarding S, it was inevitable that she would stop watching. So I kind of gave her permission to stop. I don’t blame her. But I feel some blame. No, a lot of blame. So now the questions are: Do I stop looking at S stories? And do how do I stop blaming myself?

It’s kind of revengeful to stop watching S stories. Not that she cares.

We thought we were punishing the other person by holding the resentment, but we have actually been suppressing love.”

I guess it’s love because it’s all love. Hope I didn’t scare potential customers away. That’s more important than S. Eek, but true. She would say the same which hurts.

Okay, I’m done for now

November 28, 2019

Today is Thanksgiving. To follow up on yesterday, S did look at my stories. I can tell she’s not as interested. She’s probably just trying to see if I’m screenshotting something from her group.

Good day overall. Going to the park tomorrow with Baylor. 🙂 Working on my Saturn Return workshop. Still trying to figure out webinar versus class. I think a webinar would sell more if I emphasize the Q&A. Will definitely prerecord the main parts. Ha! Just found out that hybrid webinars cost more. Bummer. But I’m thinking about running the webinar and answering the Q&As in the chat.

Gotta go. Glad S answered my question. WHY DO I THINK ABOUT HER SO MUCH?

December 1, 2019

Why not journal today. Fear is creeping up around money. Teachable didn’t pay me. Dad is here. He didn’t go to the store. He’s not going this week. Baylor has to go to the vet on Thursday for his checkup.

Was tempted to spend on a journaling course. So glad I didn’t. Things still tempt me. Sucks. Have to be conscious. Need to make money. I got two sales today with my Cyber Monday sale. Unfortunately, one is a tarot reading. I will try to record it on Wednesday.

I just hope Teachable pays me. They will probably get back to me tomorrow.

I need a morning routine. I just don’t want to get up earlier. Already get up too early. My dream is to get up at 7:30 or maybe 8.

Have to work on Saturn Return. Nervous about work.

December 5, 2019

Oh, you don’t want to know. LOL. Horrible? Baylor weighed 19 pounds as I thought. I told my mom she was lying and that she wouldn’t admit anything anyway. She got pissed. She said I don’t appreciate being called a liar. FUCK. Confrontation sucks, but I felt like I had to even though she’s not feeding Baylor now because he’s with me. (Dad is here).

I don’t know. I need to nap and do the reading a customer paid for.

ARFH!