I want to let go

**********BREAKING NEWS********* Yes, this is like cable news when some of the stories really aren’t breaking news. But here goes: I’ve joined a Bible study group! AND I have a “new” Bible. It is an online Bible study group. It’s Lisa Marie’s God & Glam group. (Google it if you are interested). No, I’m not a Christian, but I want to read the Bible again. I haven’t seriously read it since I was maybe 12 years old? One reason I decided to join Lisa Marie’s group is because she’s not reading the Bible in order. I’ve tried that, and I’m not interested in that.

I didn’t buy a new Bible for this. I was planning on it. Something told me to ask my mom if she had an extra Bible. She had a brand new in the box Bible!! I think it was mine from when I was a teenager. Someone probably gave it to me as a gift, and I never opened it. LOL. How sad. Anyway, it is gorgeous, black and bonded leather. It is the NKJV (New King James Verison) study Bible.

I really want an English Standard Version Journaling Bible because I’ve never read an English Standard version. I’ve been eyeing one on Amazon. I might ask for it for my birthday, but my bday is 5 months away. I never wait that long for something I really want. I will probably just buy it for myself.

I’ve been harsh on Christians and Bible believers in the past. I used to judge them as not smart. I know that’s bad and unfair.  This was when I was a teenager. I still have judgments against Christians. I’m trying to stop judging them. I think the main issue for me is that I don’t believe everything in the Bible. I see it as Greek mythology. I love Greek mythology, but I know it’s not real.

Eventually, I plan on doing my own research into Christianity and God. And I will come to my own conclusion. I will probably have a ton of books to read, so I’m not doing it right now. Right now I’m making a reading list.

In conclusion, I’m beginning to study the Bible. I’m taking it slow. I don’t know if God really exists in that way.  I don’t know if I believe in the whole Adam and Eve story and a bunch of those stories. I’m doing my own research starting in 2018.

Abilify update: I’ve been off Abilify for 6 whole days. Gasp! I’m trying not to worry. Oh, and my doctor appointment in December has been canceled. My doctor is recovering from an injury.  So now I won’t be able to see him until February. The good thing is that if I get really depressed again, I think I have enough Abilify to last until then. However, I don’t want to go back on Abilify. EVER! But I can’t walk around being depressed until February.

Anytime I feel a hint of sadness, tiredness or I don’t feel like working, I’m trying to tell myself it’s not because I’m not on Abilify. This is just how I feel sometimes. I think. (??)

Totally bummed the tax bill passed. 😦

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