Find the courage to start over

**************BREAKING NEWS************** I am now off Abilify. I’m taking at least a two-week break because that is when I’m going to the doctor. I’ve been off Abilify for 3 days now. Don’t be shocked if I start blogging about suicide. I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen. I hope I don’t get depressed like I did last time I went off the drug. I also couldn’t eat until after 10AM last time.

Note to self: The last day I took Abilify was on Tuesday, November 28th.

I have an appointment on December 14th with my OB/GYN. I’m going to tell the doctor that Depo-Provera isn’t working for me. Last time she suggested adding another birth control to the DP (!!). But maybe I can switch to something totally different. Whatever works.

I just got back from my final dog training lesson. LOL. I’m not sure it was worth $200. This lesson lasted only 20 minutes (!!) because we couldn’t find any dogs. Well, we did find one owner with two dogs, and I was able to keep my dog from reacting. However, the problem is that the park I go to has narrow trails. I HAVE TO pass dogs in narrow spots, so I think this was a waste of money. Of course he is going to react to a dog that is very close to him.

I’m going to keep on trying though. It is so frustrating to consistently fail at something though. I may just give up one day. But for now, I’m going to keep on using the slip lead whenever we go to the park.

UGH! I was so sloppy with the job thing I mentioned in my last entry. I sent a bad cover letter just because I wanted to respond. Not a good idea. What if I really want to work for this company one day? Sloppy!! WTF was I thinking? I shouldn’t have responded at all. But I had this silly idea of “if it’s meant to be…” ugh! I’m disappointed in myself, to say the least.

On a better note, I watched Gabby Bernstein’s live stream last night and OMG I felt like I could conquer the world. I have to build on that. I did sign up for her new Judgement Detox course. Between Gabby Berstein and Marianne Williamson, I should be ready for the new year.

My issues are do I want to leave my job? Move?  I do want to move somewhere where snow isn’t an option. I love where I live (most of the time), but I hate the winter, and sometimes we get snow. I don’t like snow. I don’t want to deal with it. I need green pastures and warm weather. All. The. Time. 🙂

I have so many ideas. I wrote some of them down, and I probably will share them once I finish. I can live here and be content. Winter isn’t that bad. There are more important things like do I want to give up working from home for an office job or an outdoors job? I love working at home. Love it. I am willing to give it up for a job I feel passionate about.

Gabby inspired me so much last night. I could go on and on about all the ideas I have. I think my main thing is to concentrate on is a budget. In fact, I’m working on a budget for December tonight in my new binder. 😉

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Ke$ha, Paramore, Lorde, Pink, Shawn Mendes, Demi Lovato, Kelsea Ballerini, Kelly Clarkson

TV of the week: basketball, news, RHOA, Survivor

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, All In With Chris Hayes, The Rachel Maddow Show, Fresh Air, Wrongful Conviction (<–awesome podcast)

Books of the week: I’m focusing on reading What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton (great read and I’m not the biggest HRC supporter), Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Ed Tarkington and Be the Pack Leader: Use Cesar’s Way to Transform Your Dog and Your Life by Cesar Millan. I only have two days left to read Clinton’s book before it expires. 😦 I don’t think I’m going to finish.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book

DSCN0585

Plans for the Weekend: If I didn’t have packages to pick up from my mom, I wouldn’t have to drive anywhere this weekend. I don’t mind going to my mom’s house though. I’m off next Wednesday. I wish I was staying home, but I’m doing December 25th shopping. I just want to get it out of the way on a weekday when it won’t be so crowded.

The most important thing is that I have a test on Sunday morning. I have been delaying this test for weeks because I haven’t felt ready, but now I’m going to try to tackle it. On Saturday, I’m studying all day. What fun.

Tonight I’m taking a night off from studying since I had to go to dog training. I’m going to work on my budget and work on Gabby Berstein’s Judgement Detox course. She has a lot of worksheets I need to print out, so that is what I’ll be doing so I can just do the course without interruptions.

Have a great weekend! Thanks so much for reading. 🙂

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