I feel like a broken record. But I want to update my life without Abilify. I am also without Klonopin (treatment for anxiety) due to my damn doctor. I’m sick of this shit. I really am.
I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t afford Abilify after January 1. I’m not going to pay hundreds for it because I can’t afford it. If I could afford it, I would pay it. Because it is worth it. Trust me.
Depression sucks. I sort of forgot because I haven’t been really depressed since I started Abilify. I have had anxiety issues and panic attacks. Abilify doesn’t cure that (for me). I wish it did. Luckily, I’m not in a situation where I have to be that concerned about anxiety. It does affect my life, but since I have moved into this house, I’m at peace while I’m at home. That’s a blessing.
Yeah, I don’t have much else to talk about other than the depression because depression takes over your life. It is everything.
Wednesday is the day I get to see my doctor. The one that caused all this shit!!! Not only did he try to switch me off Abilify, but he also didn’t approve my Klonopin for mail order, and that is why I have none. I’m going to try to get samples of Abilify if he has them. I need something NOW.
He tried to switch me off Abilify because he wanted me to be less depressed. ROFL. What? I don’t have friends. I don’t have a real support system. I have financial issues. And he expected me to be happy? WTF? Shouldn’t he know better? He’s a doctor! For me to be as happy as Sue is NEVER going to happen. Sue has help and support. That makes life a hell of a lot easier.
I’m not going to be perky Sue. Not going to happen. Does anyone know any happy people with severe social anxiety? ANYONE? So why did he try to change my medicine in the first place? I was fine before. Not happy go lucky Sue fine. But fine FOR ME.
I started feeling irritable and angry on Sunday. Very angry. This could be a side effect of NOT being on Klonopin. I don’t think it is due to the lack of Abilify. Anyway, I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with other people right now. It would be so much worse if I had to deal with other human beings.
I’m ticked off at everyone. I have little patience. I always say I hate people, but now I really do. LOL. This is why it is important for me to live by myself. I just can’t with people. I can barely tolerate my dog. I have been yelling at him more than usual. 😦 I’m so glad I don’t have kids. This would be bad for them.
Right now, I’m feeling okay because it is night time. I still can’t eat breakfast. I’m not even going to try to eat breakfast until I get back on Abilify. I’m wasting food, coffee, and time. I’m only working a half day tomorrow. yay. And since I’m not eating breakfast I get to get up 40 minutes later than usual.
I’m going to go now. Just an update. An Abilify-less life is a sad life (for me).