Just get through the day

Apparently, I am one of those people who NEED medicine. 😦 I am on an anti-depressant, but that by itself doesn’t work for me. I need Abilify. That kind of sucks because I don’t know how much it will cost in 2017. For one person with the same insurance as me, she said it will be $500. That sounds outrageous, but that seems about right from my understanding.

I just have this doom and dread feeling. Nothing excites me. I’m weepy, and I’m never like that unless there is a legit reason. Well, prior to being on Abilify, I was really depressed. I wanted to kill myself all the time.

I don’t know what the solution is because of the price of the Abilify. I know I can get it before 2017 with an affordable copay.  I can afford to pay the $37 pay, but anything more? Uh, nope. I am going to the doctor on the 21st because he tried to put me on Wellbutrin instead of Abilify. That might’ve work except Wellbutrin can’t be crushed, and I can’t swallow pills. I need to crush them to take them. I never got to try the Wellbutrin.

I feel like I can’t deal with anything more. All I can do is work. Not that working is easy, but I can do it. Last night I got into the bed at 6 PM!! I didn’t go to sleep, but I got into bed. I never do that. The last time I did that was when I was not on Abilify. So medicine is the answer. And fuck off to people who believe medicine is all a ploy. Can these people understand any situation they aren’t living in?

They are lucky enough to NOT need medicine, and they want to crap all over people who do take it. Screw them.

I feel bad for my dog. All mommy wants to do is nothing. I wish I could take him to the park since I feel better in the afternoons, but it is too cold. Can you imagine if I had kids?? ugh.

I also feel physically sick. 😦 😦 I haven’t felt this way (physically or mentally) in a while.

I’m glad I have an appointment with the shrink on the 21st. But I don’t know if I can deal with the depression that long. I do have an old prescription for Abilify. I don’t know if the drug store will even fill it. It is so old. Sigh. I just need something.

Since I don’t have part-time work right now (but they swear it is coming), I will have dinner, get on my treadmill and then have a dance party tonight. Dancing always makes me feel better. It is exercise after all. I should do ‘stuff, ‘ but I don’t feel like doing stuff. I have a test on Saturday. I might study for that. Anything other than getting into bed at 6!

One more thing: I found out that I’m on the bottom totem pole at work (full-time job).  What a way to make me feel great!!! My manager is out for the holidays, so I don’t think the threat is imminent. blah. I may blog more about this later.

This probably doesn’t make sense. Whatever. PUBLISH.

Update: I got on my treadmill, did a little planning, and took my dog for a walk. I feel better. For some reason after noon, I feel better. The mornings are so rough, though. Now it is time for a mini dance party. I’m getting in bed at 8 PM. That’s kind of normal for me. But I don’t go to sleep until 10.

I wish the mornings would get better! Or maybe I should just be thankful for the afternoons?

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