I’ve been there all night

I went 4 and a half days without power. All my food in the lower portion of my fridge spoiled. But don’t feel bad (lol), I didn’t have much in there. My frozen food is okay.

I have my phone job interview tomorrow (Wednesday)!! I have a page of notes written down. I’m not that nervous. Maybe the nerves will come tomorrow. If it were an in-person interview, I would not be posting right now. I would be freaking out instead.

I hope I get the job. The phone interview is the first part of the screening. I have no idea how many parts there are. All I know is that the interview is supposed to last 30-40 minutes (!).

I did something semi-amazing today. Amazing for me. I introduced myself to my manager. I got up from my seat and went over her to her desk and just told her I wanted to introduce myself. I wouldn’t have done that a year ago. I don’t know if I would have done that six months ago! I think not giving a shit comes with age. Social anxiety gets worse as a person gets older so I doubt my SA is getting better.

Let me back up. I work from home like most of my coworkers. However, since my power went out, I worked in the office for 2 and a half days. My manager is relatively new, so I only met her once at a loud “party”. I knew she had no idea who I was so I just went to her desk to formally introduce myself. I’m still in shock that I did that!! Can you tell? AHHH

Working in the office was an okay experience. On the first day in the office, I hardly got anything done. I couldn’t focus. But this morning I was focused and fine. So maybe the environment isn’t the problem. ??? I have no idea. I just know I’m having issues focusing (at home and in the office), and I need to figure it out. The first day of being in the office was terrible. I was even having suicidal thoughts. I know that sounds dramatic, but I couldn’t stand it.

Then I went home during lunch and took a Klonopin. Things got better. I forgot that I always need meds when I’m working in an office…or just going to be around people for a long period.

Anyway, I’m glad I have power. I hope I don’t have to go back into the office again. ::crosses fingers::

I’m also crossing my fingers for that job. I could really use it. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get it. Just keep looking for part-time work I guess. I might start looking for full-time work. That terrifies me, but it probably needs to be done.

Oh yeah, my yard it still a mess. Nothing has changed from the pics I posted below. I don’t think my landlord drove around to see the mess yet. If he says anything, I’ll just say I couldn’t afford to clean it up. That’s true (unless I get the job). He is the landlord. Isn’t he supposed to do something? I paid over $700 for repairs to the bathroom. And now there’s another problem in the bathroom. If I get the job, I will definitely fix it myself. Hell, even without the extra income, I will probably fix it myself.

My therapist would not approve of me taking on the job myself, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I’m not 100% cured of social anxiety. I don’t want to call my landlord about this. I let it get bad so really it is my fault.

I haven’t had a good night sleep in a while. I’m going to try to get to bed soon and hope my dog doesn’t wake me up, and I can get 7 hours of sleep.

I would appreciate any good vibes for my job interview. Thank you. 🙂

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