I closed my eyes and slept for years

follow up to my ob/GYN visit post.

Now my breasts hurt. I guess it is because of the way the doctor handled them. Or was the pain always there? My breasts have definitely hurt in the past, but I think that may be normal. I have no idea. I was going to get my mammogram on October 7th, but I just looked at the note again and she said to get a mammogram AND an ultrasound. Great. Now I feel the pressure to do it sooner. I think they are open on Sundays so I’m going for September 13th. I may change my mind. I kind of want to know plus I want to make sure I have health insurance. Since this isn’t a typical preventative screening, it will probably cost me something.

If I have something incurable, I would go to Puerto Vallarta first. Then maybe Greece? I haven’t wanted to go to France until reading more about it. Now that’s on my list. All the possibilities. Would I tell my parents? Not sure. I feel like I would have to, but I wouldn’t want to because I want to travel the world. I won’t be sad. It would be happy times UNLESS I have to undergo some type of radiation/chemo. That changes EVERYTHING. No travel for me. :/ No fun times. That’s serious stuff.

I really feel like I have something bad. I’m rethinking everything. That is one reason why I want to move the date up. I want to know so I can know how to proceed. What’s the point of doing (blank) if I’m not going to be here in a year? I would only do fun stuff. On the other hand, all my other labs come back relatively normal. Is that a sign that there is nothing physically wrong with me?

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Receptionist: You work at [insert company name]?

Me: Yes

R: We get a lot of people from there. I heard it is a hard place to work.

Me: Yes, it is.

The pressure is horrible and it is only getting worse. And my department happens to be known as the worst (because it is the hardest).  I really can’t expand on this without revealing what industry I work in so I’ll just leave at that.

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OB/GYN: So you’re not sexually active?

Me: No

OB/GYN: Have you ever been sexually active?

Me: No

OB/GYN: So there is no need to talk about birth control?

Me: No

She was very professional about it, unlike others. “You haven’t had sex with women either??!” Yep, I got that once.

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PLEASE STOP WATCHING FOOTBALL. I used to LOVE football, but I gave it up about 2 years ago due to the injuries. A high school player just died in Louisiana. Please boycott. It isn’t safe. We shouldn’t be watching REAL violence for entertainment purposes. It is deadly. (suicide, early deaths etc.) If enough people stop watching, it will go away. At least people are more aware now. They aren’t letting their kids play football, BUT they are still watching. Sigh. If I can stop watching, anyone can. Football was my life. I arranged all my plans around the football schedule. It pains me to not watch college football this year. Pains me. But I know I’m doing the right thing. I would love nothing more than to watch football right now. (Well, actually I’m watching the U.S. Open right now and that has been very entertaining).

How many people must die for people to get it?

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Why do people care what other people do with their life if it isn’t personally hurting them? It’s like the gay marriage thing. If you don’t like it, don’t get married to someone of your own sex. How is that hurting someone else? I can do whatever with my life since I have no dependents. It rarely affects someone else. So why do they care? I could sleep all day and not hurt anyone (except myself if I don’t work). Well, I do have pets so…but youknowwhatImean. No kids. I don’t have the responsibility of raising a good human being. THANK BUDDHA.

I can do whatever I want with MY life. I think I’ll wait to die some more….because I can. 🙂 Serious side note: I’m not really just sitting waiting to die, but some people think that. That is why I say “different definitions of living”. Because people are different (breaking news to some).