you can call it sabotage

I should be relieved after the meeting with my manager but now I am more fearful than ever! She was just going over the first half of the year. NOW is the problem. &%$# I just hate living in this fear. But at least I have my job and I know what can/will happen in the future. (not good). Fuck. She knows I have been a good worker for several years. She knows they are after me.  She made that clear without directly saying it. She can’t say it. She basically told me to do what I am already doing: control what I can control. But it is too late…They came after me quickly and all at once.

Too damn late. Well, I have to go back to not worrying too much about it. Easier said than done but I’ve done it in the past so I can do it now. It’s hard to get work done when you’re working in fear. It’s hard to live when you’re living in fear. I’m overthinking and overanalyzing. Not good.

Thanks for any and all good vibes. 🙂


This week I…

Music of the week:  Tori Kelly, Bea Miller, Broods, Florence + the Machine, Paramore,  Shelby Lynne, Crystal Lewis, Ed Sheeran

Song of the week: Johnnyswim – Over

Johnnyswim is a duo. The female singer is the daughter of Donna Summer. Please listen. You’ll fall in love.

Watched: Big Brother, Dexter, James Holmes trial

In less than a week, the republican debate will be on! Exciting times. Trump or no Trump. I love politics (except when it hurts people). I’m only bummed because the republicans have cut back on their debates. I’m not sure what the democrats are doing debate wise. I think they thought it would just be Hilary for the win. Since that is no longer the case, they need to think about debates. I’ll be watching.

Speaking of politics and TV, unfortunately, I was right about MSNBC. Three more shows are gone. I only really liked Alex’s show, but I won’t be watching anymore. Their daytime stuff is becoming unwatchable. I know this will make me sound like a bad mom, BUT I leave my TV on (mute) for my dog. He looooves watching TV. lol. He really gets into it. The problem occurs when an animal comes on the screen. He starts running toward the TV and barking. That sucks if I’m sleeping so I have to remember to turn the TV off before I sleep. I often forget.

I have to do an entry on politics. That always goes over well. 😉 For now, I just want to say: Some Bernie Sanders supporters are getting on my nerves and don’t sleep on Martin O’Malley (MARYLAND in the house). I don’t support anyone running as of right now. I’m sure I will change my mind later on. I just don’t care enough right now. Too early plus I’m a little cynical about politics at the moment.

Movies of the week:  I started watching a transgender documentary but just wasn’t into it.

Books of the week: I finished Something Must Be Done About Prince Edward County: A Family, a Virginia Town, a Civil Rights Battle by Kristen Green. Good to average book. Read it if you’re interested in how the schools being integrated (or not) affected blacks.

I’m juggling 3 books right now. Luther: The Life and Longing of Luther Vandross by Craig Seymour. I’m not a Luther fan, but people have recommended this book. I love reading books about musicians. I never knew the stuff about David Bowie or Bette Midler. Fascinating. So far I feel like I have a lot in common with Luther.

Between The World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. So many great quotes. I might have to share some next week. I’m listening to it on Audible while I read it on my kindle. This is a great way to experience a book. I love the way Coates says “Baltimore”.

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty  So far there is a lot of kid talk. I have no idea what this book is about. I’m going in 100% blind. Hopefully the main focus is the adults. I love reading about teens/young adults* but kids in kindergarten? No. I will give it a decent chance before giving up.

*If I ever write a book it will be about a teen or college student with social anxiety. Write what you know.

Guess what I plan on doing this weekend? Lots of reading. Yay.