I’ve been trying to hide


Believe it or not, I still don’t have my board exam score. D had hers by now. There is a very slim chance I will get my score tomorrow. I hope so or I will have to wait until Monday. Whether I pass or fail impacts many things. Do I try to make it without a part-time job so I can study part-time for the retest in September? I already applied for one PT job. I haven’t heard back yet. It will be very hard to study while working TWO jobs. If I did pass, I will have other obstacles to face.

I am not ashamed to admit that I have checked for my score about 100 times a day online. I really need to know what to do next…

I just got back from the work party. OH MY! Where do I begin? It wasn’t a total disaster. Well it depends…I said about 25 words all night. Most people would consider that a #fail. But I thought I might not say anything. I am not going to another one of these. I only went because it was a party for a specific person. Please no one else retire. I will feel bad about not going. I’m definitely not going to a holiday party or just a gathering for no reason.

I’m sure there were some snarky moments. I don’t want to assume too much but I heard some things. You know how people are. But whatever. The moment with my manager was awkward. First I had no idea she was behind me. Then we couldn’t really talk because it was so loud at the time. We did say “hi”. I said “nice to meet you” but I’m not sure she even heard that. That was a fail.

I’m already insecure about my job. I don’t need things like this to make me feel more insecure. TWO long timers recently quit. (turnover is rare in my department) How many work at home people quit after working there for years? I know I am saying too much. My point is that I think those people left due to management changes. That is not good and has me worried.

In conclusion, I went to my first “party” and I didn’t die. I won’t be going back for more. And some people were really nice. Thank you 🙂 Most ignored me. Thanks to you too. 😉

(“party” in quotes because all I had to do was just enter the restaurant and sit down. It wasn’t like I had to walk around and mingle.)

Also I took 1 MG of Ativan before the party just to be able to stand it. I think it worked. I was able to “stand it”. A few times I did want to run out of the room but it wasn’t that bad.