Burn With You

Warning – A little suicide talk. Feel free to skip down to my pathetic exciting knitting photos!

Tuesday night was really bad. I was going to take 150mg of Trazadone to kill myself. But I probably wouldn’t have succeeded. I probably would have just been really sleepy. All I could  think was: if I do this and DON’T succeed then I will possibly have to go to a hospital. And then I might lose my job or not get paid. If I get checked into a psych ward, how am I supposed to pay for that? (even with my job – not feasible)

This is all due to an unexpected $900 bill. I kid you not! AND my dog’s vet bills which are mounting as I type. I lost my appetite. I didn’t eat at all on Wednesday. When I have high anxiety and I’m really depressed, I can’t eat. Now I’m not so suicidal. My mom offered to pay half of the $900 bill even though she was supposed to pay the whole thing! Long story. And I got my federal tax refund on Wednesday. So I can pay a little of my accumulating debt off.

Now my appetite is kind of back. I’m not thinking of suicide….as much.

So…my 24 hour getaway is off. But we are still going to Northern Virginia/DC. I’m leaving and coming back on next Friday. A 5-6 hour getaway? Yes. I doubt I can buy much of anything. But it never hurts to daydream in IKEA, right? And I still have the “free” hotel room. I’m going to use that the weekend of April 19th to just stay somewhere local. I can’t lose a free hotel room just because I have nowhere to go. (Free in quotes because it is worth $75 so I may have to add a little).

Oh, my dog is doing okay. She is not in pain. She has a kidney infection and her liver isn’t in great shape. Btw, she is 16 years and 4 months NOT 17. I’m a bad mom for not knowing that. 😦


materials, yo!

materials, yo!

Before all of this suicidal money crap, I took up a new hobby: knitting! I can crochet a little. But my mechanics are horrible. So to people who say mechanics aren’t important, I say you are wrong. I crocheted the wrong way for over a decade and now I can’t do it right. I even took a one on one crochet class (with a groupon) and I still struggled. Mechanics are important! I have pretty much given up crochet.

My hands are horrible. ha. It is like I have two left hands. I don’t know why I would even think I could knit. But I do know how to cast on! YAY! I am confused on everything else though. I haven’t had time to practice since I started. I will probably try knitting tonight. Crocheting used to relax me. Knitting is frustrating me. I know it is because it is new to me but still!!! I don’t want to do anything frustrating that I don’t have to do (school, work).

This may not look like much. But I can actually sorta knit now. See:



Yes I can cast on. Hopefully I will be able to do more soon. Here is the youtube video that taught me:

Love the video but I still don’t have the mechanics down from watching it.



Music for the week: Lea Michele, Christina Perri, Lorde, A Great Big World, Jennifer Pena, Candice Glover, D’Angelo, Ledisi

This weekend I’m making a mix CD of Lea Michele, A Great Big World and Lorde. Yep, I still make CDs for the car.

TV for the week: basketball, Desperate Housewives

I’m glad the Wizards made it to the NBA playoffs!

Movie of the week:  I might watch 12 Years a Slave or I might save it for next week. I dunno.

Books of the week:  Italy 2013 (Full-color travel guide) by Fodor’s, Hidden by Catherine McKenzie

In Italy news, I don’t think I’m going to Capri anytime soon. Too expensive. I initially borrowed the book because I was interested in going to Ischia. Ischia seems like a nice place but I can’t imagine going all the way to Italy for that. On the other hand it would make an awesome 4 day trip. As silly as it may seem, I have been spoiled by Oaxaca, Mexico. I want to go somewhere with nice handmade items. A beach would be nice too. 😉