We are the ladies

I’m extremely late with this. I just saw the documentary (A)sexual. It came out in 2011. What I really want to know is why an internet site recommended this movie to me over and over until I gave in. LOL. I do watch a lot of documentaries but still…I bet Sally wouldn’t get a recommendation for an asexual doc. 😉

Here is a summary of the flick:

Facing a sex obsessed culture, a mountain of stereotypes and misconceptions, and a lack of social or scientific research, asexuals – people who experience no sexual attraction – struggle to claim their identity.

Anyhow, it is a good watch. The one thing that bothered me probably bothered the filmmaker (David Jay).


Basically if you are an asexual you have to put out to have a meaningful relationship. That is what stuck out to me as an asexual*. However, today I found out he has an asexual girlfriend and they want to adopt a kid. I wish that had happened in time to make it in the doc.  Also, David Jay is so attractive and outgoing. And he made a freaking asexual documentary. Hello, anyone who makes a movie will have an easier time finding a mate. BAM, THERE YOU ARE. People like me are watching and drooling. Most of the asexuals I “know” would kill just to find another human asexual. After all we are only 1% of the population.

(Still on spoiler alert)

The other thing that bugged me is the polyamory thing. I have nothing against it. If I could have roommates AKA live with other humans, I could see myself wanting this kind of lifestyle but equating it with asexuality? Um, no. In one scene David is giving a talk to a group of people about asexuality and he talks about his own poly relationships and I’m like, “Oh god no! People will get the wrong idea”. Why did he have to bring his own life into it? I think it is because he was young and just figuring things out for himself.

But people get the wrong idea about everything they don’t know about. Lord knows what people used to think about gay people (and let’s not fool ourselves, some people still think these things).

Oh and “love/sex expert” Dan Savage makes a cameo in this film. Sigh. He doesn’t get it. Finding out asexuality exist is simply comforting to people. I don’t care either way. I’ve known since I was 10 or younger that sex was not for me. I didn’t really need a name for it. I just don’t care. On the other hand, I DID need a name for social anxiety. I was 14 and felt so alone until I knew that what I had had a name. There were others like me!! Thanks to the internet. (Now I realize that I have general anxiety/PTSD but that is another story for another day). It is comforting and less isolating to know you aren’t the only one. That is what it is about Dan Savage.

I think what Dan did with It Gets Better is awesome. I don’t hate him or anything. He does meaningful work. He has saved lives.

*I’m not 100% sure I’m an asexual. I just think sex is gross. I think genitalia looks disgusting. I don’t want any um, liquids near me.  Even kissing is a turnoff for me……..Um, yeah that probably makes me asexual but not all asexuals think this way!!!

So if you want to know more about asexuality or just like documentaries, watch this film. Just ignore the ending because asexuals do not have to have sex to have meaningful relationships. It saddens me to think an asexual might feel that way. I also see how someone can come to that conclusion.

In conclusion, I don’t hate Dan Savage. I’m not against poly asexual relationships. I don’t want to have sex with anyone. Watch the movie and have a nice day. 🙂

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