Bleeding Out

Have you noticed a slight change in my mood? Well I have been taking Abilify for 2-3 weeks straight which is sort of a record. The last time I took it daily was when I was suicidal about 2 years ago. What would I do without Abilify? I hope I don’t have to find out anytime soon. I have also gotten my appetite back so I won’t be 105lbs again. :/ Abilify always increases my appetite.

But all isn’t well or anything. I’m just trying to navigate my new life since I’ve moved. I’m off today. YAY! Yesterday was super disappointing. Let me tell you about my worst ever yoga experience. I will not be going back to her class. The only semi-good thing was that I attempted a head stand. I could have done it if I weren’t terrified. The blood rushing to my head felt sooo good though. But I’m scared of doing flips etc so I thought I might fall over.

The class just isn’t a good fit for me. The #1 thing I want from a yoga class is relaxation. Sure I want the other stuff too but relaxation is a must and this instructor didn’t seem to give a damn about that. Between that and her not showing most of the poses….UNLIKE.

Now I’m worried about whether joining the Y was a good choice. I can go to any Y (for now) but this gym is 5 minutes from my place. Nothing is that close to me besides a Kroger. (side note: Kroger is my weakness. I haven’t been in over a week. Yay me). Soooooooo…..I will try water aerobics there only because I got to see the pool during the gym tour. I don’t feel comfortable going to a new Y and trying water aerobics for the first time.

I brought my first EVER swimsuit yesterday. It took visits to 5 stores before I could find a swimsuit. Even the sporting goods store didn’t have any. I could not find water shoes and I’m worried about the bottom of the pool being slippery. I’m just full of anxiety, aren’t I? But at least I have a bathing suit and I’m going to attempt going to a class on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about yoga. I will probably drive 15 minutes to another Y. My therapist prescribed yoga for me (for my PTSD). I will try as many classes as possible until I find one. I will try doing yoga from videos or from an app…but that requires feeling free in my apartment. Not happening right now.

Speaking of apps: I am not returning my iPad. It is so unnecessary but also useful. I found the perfect planner app. It is called Opus Domini. It is awesome.