say anything

Even if I could eat, I can’t keep anything down. I think I have an ulcer and it is flaring. I’m also nauseous. I now believe this is due to my anxiety/ptsd. At first I thought it was just the ulcer but now I know it is more than that.

I was supposed to go grocery shopping today but I feel so shitty….I threw up everything I ate today. Well it isn’t like I’m eating anything. What is there to buy?


I did something unbelievably stupid. Well if you think I’m dumb, you won’t be shocked: I brought an ipad 2 (the second oldest ipad – nothing new). My only defense is that I thought I would get it while I had good credit. I have 6 months to pay for it. After 6 months I will have interest so 6 months is the plan. I’m also thinking about sending it back (lol) or selling it. Those are options. I’m not stuck with it but boy that wasn’t smart. If I just had a smartphone, I wouldn’t want all these silly gadgets. I’ve been a tech geek all my life. I’m surprised I waited this long. I just wanted something to live for/be excited for after feeling so low. (dumb)

How is the word LESS working out for me? #FAIL.

Yes I know how horrible Apple employees are treated but that didn’t stop me…I’m a bad, bad, girl.

I do all my stuff on Amazon so the iPad won’t be everything for me. I try to avoid iTunes as much as possible. I never buy music from there. Safe to say my iPad will not be used for music. I just wish I could find the perfect planner/scheduler/organizer. The app I downloaded is okay. I should probably just accept that paper is the way to go when it comes to planning but I will try every app first.

I was supposed to post the project life pages but I spend most of my time scared to move so it is kinda hard to do anything. Oh well. I’m posting them within a week.


I’m planning on joining a gym. Since I’ve moved, my free workplace gym is too far away. I need a place to go to. I’m going to explore the gym near me. I get a one week free pass. I really want to go to the meditative class. It is at 8PM on Friday nights. Perfect for me. I hope to go visit the gym on January 14 (unless I decide to go to a specialist for an ulcer checkup on that date). Of course I want to go to one of the yoga classes also. I just don’t like any of the times. 9AM on a Saturday is the only time for a class I like (gentle yoga).

My workplace will pay for some (or maybe all) of the cost of the gym. yay. I’m losing weight due to not eating so I’m not really interested in using the treadmill or the elliptical like I used to do at my old gym. I’m just interested in classes for now.