Fear of Wasted Time

I almost got caught cursing on the conference call. My phone and internet went out.  Well the internet was definitely out at the time. The phone was still hanging on and went out 30 seconds later. I’m pretty sure it was still on mute when I said FUCK but it is probably best to not swear so much. 🙂 (I don’t swear around other people).

I have a lot of time (a free semester) and I need to use it wisely. A lot of my time is being spent on work. I didn’t want to do work and school at the same time. This training class will start kicking my butt on Monday. That’s when we have to use what we know. I’m a geek. I take notes and then I type them up and put them in a binder. That is what I did this past weekend. I will spend extra time after work just to make sure I know what I’m doing. I’m glad I have time for that but I need to do other things too.

Sometimes when I share the things I want to accomplish it all falls through. I should say it ALWAYS falls through.lol. I don’t know why. I have a theory that it is about me being an idealist. But whatever. Here is a list of things I would like to accomplish by December 2012. Of course some things may change if my house sells or anything major happens.

  • completely redo my resume. (I don’t like the update I did. must redo from scratch)
  • make a pair of earrings
  • make a necklace I’m proud of (I’ve made a few basic necklaces but nothing special).
  • go on a fake interview (the person is supposed to teach me how to do a proper interview. It is a 3 hour one time class. Cost $85)
  • At the minimum relearn the basic chords of the guitar (I’m worried about bothering people w/the noise so I don’t know…)
  • Complete a short social anxiety ebook on job tips. post it on blog.
  • Go to the LGBT event in September. (Having 2nd and 3rd thoughts…hehe)
  • Take semi-private swim lessons at the YMCA (I’m sharing this so it won’t happen. LOL. I think it cost about $275 for 8 sessions. Trust me I need lessons as private as I can get. I’m terrified to put my head under water. I can’t/don’t know how to breathe. If I don’t do this this break, I would like to do it next summer. This isn’t cheap).
  • Get some kind of regular exercise. I can’t dance everyday (due to my living situation) so I need to find something regular to do. Maybe walk during lunch 3 days a week? It would be great if I could get a mile in.
  • Read for fun daily. I’ve been doing this so far…I’ve read 20 books so far this year. I was slowed down by school. I thought I would make it to 50 for sure. I have a goal of reading 100 books in a year but it won’t happen this year.
  • Volunteer somewhere on the weekends once I’m done with taking care of my house (soon hopefully. I still have the mow the lawn though). I haven’t volunteered in about 7 years so I don’t see this as likely. :/ But I want to put it out there.
  • This is a complicated problem. I’ll just say resolve issue at DMV. I’ve tried everything to get this resolved. The funny thing is that it isn’t my fault at all. But I guess I could get in trouble for it. Hopefully someone realizes that this isn’t my fault. Anyhow,  I would still like to get it resolved.

Considering that most of these things will cost me $$, I think that is enough. I packed all my jewelry supplies and now I can’t find it so I have to start all over again. 😦 I still have one place to look. I will do that tomorrow. I’m sure my therapist would like to see more social things on this list but I’ve given this a lot of thought: I’m not ready for friends. I’m the person who wouldn’t have kids (if I wanted them) until the situation was perfect. Of course it will never be perfect so I would never have kids. I could do a whole entry on this giving up on people as friends thing. I have one reason no one could talk me out of (even my therapist admits this is a hurdle that can’t be overcome by getting social skills or just being around people. It isn’t that kind of problem. There isn’t therapy for it. I’m too embarrassed to say what it is).

Oh yeah, and no more concerts!! I’m excited about the D’angelo/Mary J. Blige concert but I paid a lot of money for it. No more until next summer. The concert is in 9 days. I’m so nervous. I always get nervous for concerts especially when they are out of town. Ugh.

I will mark things off the list as I complete them. I’m going to start on working on redoing my resume tonight.

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