The Root

Said, I went, said I went, said I went to the doctor
The man told me there ain’t nothin’ wrong with me
But I beg to differ, I been feelin’ this pain
For much too long, oh, yeah

You can swallow pills? Wahfuckinghoo! You can probably talk too. WOW. I guess that means everybody should be able to do it.

Really? People are so annoying. But great for you to be able to do those things. I’m happy for you. 😉 Sorry but that “just swallow it” BS really pisses me off. And I’m (clinically) depressed. I don’t speak for all depressed people but I prefer not being around people so please just let me be. That is all. I’m not trying to mean or rude. But you can interpret it that way and most people will. And I don’t care. I’m just trying to survive at the moment.

The move didn’t work out. Shocking. I really don’t care. No one is going to buy the house without me getting approved for a short sell anyway so there’s no rush. But I hope I can move everything out within a month. Blah.

I went to the doctor. She rocks!! I never thought I would have a good thing to say about a general practitioner but she is so great. I even love the office. Great location etc. Why do I love her so? She didn’t make me get a pap smear. I love her!!!!! Although it might have been because I lied and said that I went to my ex-PCP 2 years ago. In reality it was 3 years ago. Did that make a difference? I don’t know. She asked me if I had a OB/GYN and I said no. I’ve never had one. So…I don’t know. I’m just relieved I was able to escape that.

I was also able to escape the tongue depressor! SCORE. I told you she was great. I almost got sick thinking about it. I woke up so early worried about the tongue depressor of all things. I couldn’t get back to sleep.

I was supposed to have an ultrasound but of course, the one person they have to do it was on vacation so I have to go back next week. Sigh. I really wanted to get this over with because I can’t take any real time off from work for the next THREE MONTHS. So hopefully I will be able to schedule it after work. Anyhow the ultrasound is for my gallbladder. With the pain I’m feeling and the nausea, I believe it could be that.

But if it isn’t that…then she said it might be an ulcer. (Is she reading my blog or what?) Then I would have to go to a specialist for that. I just want it to be the thing least painful to treat. I don’t care which one it is. Ulcer or gallbladder. I’ll take the no pain option. Thank you.  If the nausea weren’t taking over my life, I wouldn’t have gone to the doctor in the first place. Generally I don’t do doctors.

She did prescribe an OTC medicine. The problem is that I forgot to mention that I can’t swallow pills. (Yes I have tried everything). I just thought I would be able to crush the pills like I do with my other medicine but it says not to on the bottle. And I’m scared that it will mess up my throat. The last thing a person with gag/nausea issues need is a throat problem. So I’m not taking the medicine. Maybe when I get my blood work back or get the ultrasound, I will see her again and tell her. I hope she gets it and doesn’t start telling me ways to swallow medicine. I KNOW. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. geez. This isn’t some new problem.

But she is awesome until she mentions a pap smear so I’m sure she will get it. She doesn’t really believe the OTC medicine will work anyway. It is just a “try it” sort of thing.

Edited to add: UGH, I’m feeling sick again. 😦 Unfortunately I HAVE TO go into the office tomorrow. I need the ultrasound STAT.


Wow, I sent a tweet to one of my favorite singers (Jennifer Peña) – about how her music saved my life. She responded!!! Unfortunately I led her to believe I could understand Spanish by tweeting to her in Spanglish. LOL. She responded in Spanish so I don’t know if I’m interpreting her response correctly. I think she basically said she appreciated the truth (?). The power of Twitter. I really wanted to thank her and let her know how much her music means to me and I finally got the chance. 🙂 The power of music. I could really feel the pain she must have been going through when she wrote those songs.

Her album came out during a very dark time in my life. I was between living places. I couldn’t stand the noise of the apartment among other things so I was occasionally sleeping in hotels (when not in my car). I would listen to her album on repeat. It got me through buying my house.

Music is my life. Music is my savior. In music I trust.

Thanks Jen! 🙂 🙂 🙂


School work for the rest of the day.

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