I Ain’t the Same

…but when we ridicule and marginalize mentally ill people, actual innocent people get killed.

Lindy West (source)
What is wrong with me? I spent more money on my aquatic buddies. I brought a bigger home for my frogs. It’s the impulsiveness that bothers me. Why did I have to go buy the stuff yesterday? Why couldn’t I wait until Saturday. I am going to that store on Saturday. Why didn’t I just wait? (pics and more at the bottom of this post).

Ugh. And then I made a B on my first test. 😦 😦 A freaking B. Not just any B but an 80. 😦 I was so bummed over that. Unless I want a C in this class, I’m going to have to participate. Let’s see how that goes. It has never gone well in the past. I’m not saying I will…just that I will try very hard. :/

One of my secret wishes is to go back to a university and live on campus. LOL. But even though I’m older, I don’t feel like I would be different than when I first went. I would probably be slightly more confident but I’m not sure I would make any friends. But I would get a chance to major in something different. (I’m still not sure what. I have a lot of interests. I would probably leans towards biology, horticulture, jewelry making or something else. See, I’m confused).

I was thinking of all my professors and the class participation thing. And I noticed that all of my psychology professors knew I had social anxiety (DUH!) within the first two weeks of class. On the other hand my business professors were totally clueless. My philosophy professor just thought I was weird. He would always stare at me whenever I was near other humans. LOL. The psych professors empathized and probably pitied me. She’ll never get anywhere if her social anxiety is that bad. But I NEVER got a break from them. In fact I had to go to summer school because one of my psych teachers knew I had SA and told me to skip part II of his class because presentations were a requirement.

I couldn’t graduate with my class due to that. I had to go into more debt just to take one more class. I had no financial aid left. So I used my credit card for most of it.

Class participation and group work sucks. That was the point of the above. I usually do okay with group work, I just hate it because it is easy for the louder people to just take over. But my last experience went okay.

I went to my new yoga class. The good thing is that I want to go back for my nine other classes. It didn’t completely freak me out. It would have went perfectly if it weren’t for the mirrors! But I knew in advance that this studio had mirrors. I hate the freaking mirrors. I don’t want to stare at myself or others. HATE THEM. Anyhow, it’s funny how welcoming instructors are when they need people in their class. It isn’t full. If people drop out, they could cancel our class. So we are needed. She is a substitute yoga instructor. She would really like to keep this gig ifyouknowwhatImean.

She is a good instructor. She has only been teaching for a year. I can tell she is passionate about teaching yoga. I had no problems with her until she told me to smile. ARGH! Do you know how often “we” hear that??! I was too anxious to smile. I was frowning more than usual because I could see myself and my neighbor in the damn mirror. Yes, even in yoga, I can’t let go. Well sometimes I can. But with the freaking mirrors, I’m not sure that will be happening anytime soon. I really need to work on my triangle pose. For some reason I suck at that.

Triangle pose

But at least I’m going back. It was relaxing and strength building at the same time.
OMG my frogs had me freaking out today. I put them in their new home. They could not get to the top to breathe. I thought they were going to drown and it would be all my fault for getting them a bigger tank. It took them 20 minutes to figure out how to swim to the top but they did it. WHEW. I hope they acclimated to their new home. I’m still worried. Moving them was easy. Both got into the net easily.

Here is a pic of their new 1 gallon tank:

new home for M&M

Unfortunately that plant is fake. I might get them something real later on.

This is a closeup of the frogs while they were freaking out:

frogs – M & M

I hope they like their new home. I can’t tell. They are currently swimming around like crazy (video soon!). I hope that means they like it and aren’t trying to escape.

In fish news, my betta (Sky) isn’t eating. 😦 He puts the food in his mouth and spits it right out. I’ve tried 3 types of food and 1 treat. This seems to be a somewhat common problem with betta fish. Sigh. I don’t know what to do…But otherwise he seems healthy. (???)

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