Why I’m not adopting

I can’t think of a song title for this entry. It should be titled “Why I’ve decided not to adopt and remain childfree”. Since I can remember I have always wanted to adopt a special needs kid(s). (By the end of this entry I question whether special needs is a good idea). I always knew that it may not happen but I kept it in the back of my mind. Then I saw what parenting was like from afar and I thought: Nah, not for me. I become staunchly childfree. After recently reading a book, I started thinking about adopting again.

It went like this: By the time I’m 40, I will try to adopt a kid…maybe. I will know by 40. Despite what society tells me, I know I have good enough traits to be a parent. I’m extremely empathetic. I also like doing a lot of things kids like to do. I love helping kids learn. I’ve thought this through and I would not do this for selfish reasons. So by 40, we’ll see.

Now I’m back to being childfree for life and grateful. Grateful that I’ve thought this through. I would never bring a life into this world. I’m against that FOR ME. I don’t give an inkpen’s top what other people do. I just don’t think anyone benefits from me giving birth to a kid. So that is not happening. No pregnancy. Sigh, even though I’m kind of pissed that I could give birth to a child (if I’m fertile) YET an adoption agency could easily tell me NO. How fucked up is that? But I’m not foolish enough to get artificially inseminated just to show them that you can’t keep me from having a kid!!!!!!!! (Yeah, I’ve thought about it for a split second – ROFL – how immature is that??!)

Okay, yes I am a little angry about someone else telling me NO. 😉  There are several reasons why I would not be able to adopt. Being single would probably be #1. By 40 most of my issues would have to be resolved or I would not consider adopting. That would be extremely selfish (FOR ME). I’m going to try to get back on track.

Why I am currently closing the door on adopting when I’m 40:

  • No male role model. I would probably only consider adopting a girl but yes, she would need a male role model. What are the chances that in the next 8-10 years, I will find a great male friend who is willing to be my kid’s role model? (I’m a realist).
  • From the research I’ve done, I would only be considered for older children since I’m single (plus other factors). I don’t have the money to consider other avenues of adoption. Ideally I would like a 2 year old. I am not sure I could bond with an older child. I’m shy. That is probably not going to change completely…ever. A 12 year old is like an adult to me. I wouldn’t know how to even begin to bond with an older child. By 40, I hope to try to become a Big Sister. So this may change. I may find out that I’m good with pre-teens but I don’t see it.
  • Since I have to work at least 40 hours a week, will I be able to provide for a special needs child? This is huge. When I was younger I thought I could deal with a physically disabled child. Now I’m not so sure. I would rather deal with a child with mental issues. (empathy + psychology geek) If I were desperate to adopt -and I’m NOT- I would put everything I have into adopting a kid under 6 with no known issues. Speaking of special needs, what if I couldn’t find someone to watch my kid EVER? That includes my mom. How hard is that to deal with?
  • Money. Do I have to say more?
  • Adopting a kid means I will NEVER have an easy way to end my life if I choose. (Judge away!) Of course I hope I won’t want to end my life if I make it to 40.

I could go on and on. But the main issue is probably not having a male role model. How selfish would it be to adopt a kid KNOWING that I don’t have enough male role models? I can’t overlook this one.

(I should probably mention that special needs adoption is free where I live. I didn’t know that until yesterday so that had no effect on my childhood dreams. Also now I’m pretty sure most of what is considered special needs isn’t right for me or the child. If being deaf or other conditions are considered special needs, bring it on. I’m familiar with some things. But I’m thinking I should leave the special needs kids to people who are sure they can deal. If I’m not sure I can do it, I should not even consider it).

I would be good enough to adopt. I would be a good parent. I may not have the social skills (not right now) but I would make sure my kid is around other kids…unless she is an introvert like me and then I would go a different route. I wouldn’t try to force a kid to be outgoing. If I had an extroverted kid, it would be summer camp after summer camp 🙂 Plus all the extracurricular activities she wanted to join. I could deal with that.

But there is more to it and that is why I 95% sure, I will remain childfree. I don’t feel the NEED to adopt a child. I just felt like (once I get my house) I could provide a decent home to a kid that was already born. However, considering everything….Who knows? There is a 5% chance I will change my mind by 40. Only time will tell.

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