Heartsleeves

I need to go back to the beach. I need to concentrate on my school work. I need desperately to write in my paper journal instead of blogging here. I need to not care…ever. Twitter is the devil.

I need the beach because I didn’t completely let go. I did that night on the water but then I get back here and well, I relapsed. {——} does not care for me. Why is it that the people I like always “reject” me? ALWAYS? I never put myself out there but this time I did and {——} hates me. Okay, maybe ‘strongly dislike’ is better. Whatever. The point is that I put myself out there more than once and the person did what the person did.

It’s over now. But I could really use the ocean to tell me it is going to be okay. I felt secure and somewhat confident there. Now I’m me again. And well that just sucks. 😉

I did play a part in this. I acted out of insecurity (because I’m insecure) and {——} will not let me forget. I guess it was taken personally. VERY personally.

I don’t normally think much of myself to say this: but this is this person’s lost. You might not miss me EVER, but I was so there for you. Your choice, your loss.

(The person is not reading this, btw).

Stay away from people. They only cause pain. (not real advice)
————–
My class

Eh. It's a summer class so I should have known what to expect. Lots of work. I took a summer class so I could have a chance of getting my certificate at the end of 2012. The professor grades on participation. I'm guessing if I skip most of the participation, I can make a "B" if I do perfectly on everything else. I feel the pressure. I do plan on taking part in discussions where I actually have something to say BUT I SUCK AT FAKING IT. I will not say something – anything just to get points. Okay maybe if I didn’t suck at it, I would.

But the pressure and anxiety isn’t worth it for me. I. don’t. communicate. well. (Understatement of the century).
———–
I will be the person blogging about her pet frogs in every entry. 🙂 When I turn the light on in the morning they expect food. I had this crazy idea to feed them at lunch time but noooooo. That will not work when I’m sitting near them. This morning I turned the light on, started up the computer and was ready to work. They started fighting each other within 30 minutes. Now I know that this is normal for african dwarf frogs when they are unsure of their food schedule. So now I’m going to feed them before I have my morning coffee. I hate when they fight because they are very fragile.

I’m slightly concerned that the bigger frog is getting most of the food. I know the smaller frog is eating something. I hope it is enough. I read they can go a week without food so hopefully he will be okay.
———
I brought earplugs and pineapple juice today. The latter means party on Friday night! :)…Even though I will be working a half day on Saturday since there is a holiday on Monday. I’m going to make something other than the Bikini Martini after I go shopping again. I can taste it now. Yum.

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