I won’t give up

There’s a reason I never want this blog to become public. Because people are going to think/know that I’m an asshole. Okay? I know. You know. Just to clear the air….

I just depressed. Little things make me through the roof happy and then it’s back to reality. I should be getting my birthday laptop one day this week. Oh, I guess I have to explain that before I become the ungrateful asshole. Anyone can read the archives if they really care. But basically my mom can get a good deal on a laptop with monthly payments. So that is what I’m getting for my birthday. A brand new HP 4530 Probook.


And in three weeks, I’m going to the beach for two nights.


But nothing feels the emptiness of being a defective person. I don’t want friends. Let’s get that straight. 🙂 It’s the questioning of “did I do that right”. “Oh gosh, did I offend him or her.” I’m just sick of everything.

Everything is going wrong and almost nothing is going right. And everyone else is going around acting normal. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know the norms. I can’t pretend. I can’t fake it.

I get too caught up in trying to please you. (Not the reader but everyone). And it never works. Because it can’t. And I know that.

Right now music and Grey’s Anatomy (lol) is saving my life. Thanks to those two things. Music has ALWAYS been there. Always. And the NBA playoffs are starting this weekend. Maybe that will be exciting. Maybe not since my team is probably not going to the finals.

Music = life saver. Thank you.

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