DNA

I went to my uncle’s house for the first time. This is what the holidays will do. Of course I went with my mom. I would never go there alone! The thought stirs up crazy anxiety. Only the people living at the house was there. Thank g-d. So it wasn’t too bad. I’m sort of glad I had to go. However, it did mess up my plans. Now I have to go out tomorrow.

I usually like going out on Christmas. There aren’t a lot of people around. And the people who are out are different. lol. Different in a good way. I guess because it is xmas. Anyhow, I just have to be back  by noon to see the NBA games. Total yayness!!!!!! Happy NBA to everyone. 🙂

I’ve been flakey with money recently*. That is not good. Yesterday I brought these $50 headphones. I KNOW. I KNOW. But at least I didn’t buy Bose headphones. I brought them not because I’m a music fiend and need quality headphones but because of work. Yes – work. SIGH. But that was dumb because I’m too much of a control freak to wear them. I have to know what is going on around me and how much noise I’m making.

*(I did open my down payment savings account.)

I’m beyond neurotic. These headphones are supposed to be part of my therapy. I thought I could let go and wear them with the noise cancelling feature on BUT it just makes me more nervous, tense and agitated. I hold my breath more because I don’t know what the fuck is going on. How sick is this?

My counselor can’t help me. I’ve tried. Trust me. Anyway, work has been getting worse. I’ve been wishing I could just quit. But like I’ve said quitting is like commiting suicide. If I quit, I may as well kill myself. I would love to be free but I can’t. Back on topic – I thought using the headphones would help me and my neurotic/control issues but on Friday it didn’t. Wouldn’t it be nice if a pair of headphones could help solve my problems and make me a “better” person? I will try to wear them for 30 minutes a day in the morning when everyone is pretty quiet.

::banging my head against the wall::

The novelty of my diet has worn off. That is only natural. I’m still sticking with it but I think this week I may fall off the bandwagon. :/ I think I may be getting some baklava for Xmas. 🙂 I will need self discipline to eat one piece a day. I do have enough food to make another taco salad. That is as close as I get to cooking.

Speaking of cooking, my first cooking class is in less than 2 weeks. I did find a obsessive/compulsive support group. They only meet once a month and it happens to fall during the same week of my cooking class. PLUS I have yoga on Mondays. I’m such a homebody that the thought of going “out” three times a week is overwhelming so even though I know I should go to the obsessive support group, I may not go. When I come home from work I’m so exhausted/depressed/irritated/angry. I like to come home and relax. It is the only way I keep the little sanity I have.

I really need to um, think……………………..

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