when do I call my feelings on their bluff

Someone described having social anxiety as being frozen. And that is exactly what it is like for me. I try to breathe but I can’t. Well it depends on the situation. For example at work, the more talking there is, the easier it is for me to breathe. I don’t feel as paranoid. It is sort of like I feel invisible…or as part of the group. But when a few people are there (or it is eerily quiet), I have had to get up to take deep breaths. Of course I can’t always get up so I’m not breathing correctly. That’s where the tension comes in.

Someone on the internet said they have no idea how social anxiety looks and for me sometimes I can appear like I’m losing my mind or that I’m on drugs. (I have never tried drugs…I don’t even take my medicine every single day. Should I admit that?) I just wanted to say, “Give the person a break. She may not be doing coke or whatever. Having social anxiety makes you appear weird”. I’ve been there. When I take my beta blocker in the morning, the symptoms are less severe. Sometimes I THINK I appear normal. That does not last all day. And I don’t take what I should because I can’t tolerate being tired at work.

This isn’t supposed to be about medicine. Just reading posts from people who don’t have SA speak about it is interesting. At least It made me blog about something other than my cat. 😦

This Avon thing is turning into a disaster. Yes that is an exaggeration. Avon made this stupid rule (lol) that all orders must be at least $50 to earn a profit. No big deal. I’m not selling Avon for profit. If I am, I’m failing. Anyhow, another thing they did was charge about $6.00 shipping on every order. That is what I think turned people off. I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal but all the little costs PLUS the no profit on every order turns people off.

So people are dropping from selling Avon like flies. And now I have people contacting ME. Yes me!! And I’m not even living in that area anymore. Oops.

I did ignore one call. Well she called twice. I responded to the second one. I went to her house and dropped off a brochure. No chatting, just a drop off and a “thanks”. Then a second women called. I delayed calling her back for a day but I did call back. And it was only because she is in a wheelchair*. She can get out but it is much easier for people to come to her. I left her a message. And she called me back but I’m scared to listen to her voicemail. :/

*I don’t mean to sound crass.

I may listen to it tonight…nah, if I want to sleep well I should probably listen tomorrow morning. I told her to leave me her address and a good time to drop the book off. She sorta knows what she wants. I just hope I can drop it off and leave rather than her ordering right on the spot. I’m not used to strangers ordering. I don’t have order forms or receipts anymore. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

As soon as the lady from work stops ordering, I am planning to stop with the Avon thing. But she has been ordering once a month and I’m the only rep she has. etc. etc.

I’m not really into it. And I’m losing money (especially with the new rules. I lose at least $12 a month – and that is without ordering brochures.). How dumb is all this? It is all on me but I wish they would stop giving out my info. It makes sense to stop selling. And that is what most people did but I’m still here. Now I feel like quitting because of all of these new people contacting me.

I’m going to try to not let my anxiety get the best of me and call people back. Sometimes I’m just busy (with school, taking my mom on business trips, yoga etc.) but other times I’m just scared. Plus I’m not motivated to sell Avon but maybe that can change. I’m not sure.

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