I’m Not That Girl

When I post a lot it is usually about other humans. Yes, humans. Can’t live without them although I dream of it (that includes myself).

First since I never share normal “dating” stuff because there is none, I’ll start with that. No I’m not interested in dating. I never want to live with someone. It sounds like a nightmare. However, I did sign onto this asexual dating (ugh! ick!) site. I did it for “just friends” but I’m not sure I want any right now. I did it because it was so easy. No stupid questionnaires. etc.

So I was browsing females profiles. Yes it is very shallow. There are only pics and location to go by. It shows a pic of the person and where they live. That’s it. Well I stopped at this beautiful (to me) person. Ugh, it is so shallow. Anyhow, she lives in Australia. I read the beginning of her profile. And I thought, “Wow, we actually match.” But then I read further. SHE WANTS KIDS. um, wtf? So that is my shallow, dating site story.

And I must point out: Yes she is asexual and wants to have kids and live together. It isn’t what people think. I did check out some local guys and gals for “just friends” but I’m soooo not ready for that. Local people scare me because they are like totally REAL. šŸ˜‰

Real humans scare me. And I bother/scare them.

WORK: I can’t believe I brought her down to my human level. I thought she was so much smarter and nicer than everyone else. I could not have been more wrong. I try to understand where people are coming from….and I do a pretty good job at that. But I have zero empathy for a person messing with someone who is not doing anything to them.

I’m quiet all day. That bugs you. I also don’t do well with stimulation. That bugs you. I’m just protecting myself (in the wrong way according to social people). I’m not DOING anything to you. All I do is walk into the room everyday. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to know they are trying to get me everyday…and sometimes it is as soon as I walk in. I haven’t done anything!!!!!!!!!! WTF do you want me to do.

…….Besides be like YOU. And that isn’t happening. The things you two have done, I wouldn’t do to my worst enemy. I’m scared of what you would do if I ever stood up for myself. What would you do if I actually did something to you? I don’t want to know.

I feel like I’m in high school again. College wasn’t like this. The people in college seem more mature than the people at my workplace. I wonder is this true for others? Mean girl A and mean girl B.

Sorry, sometimes I have to rant. I see these people more than anyone. I’m fucking exhausted of their antics. Sometimes it feels like I’m barely above water.

If they aren’t ashamed of their behavior, then it will never stop. I know I’m doomed until something – anything changes. I know I have part in it too. I’m paranoid and controlling. And no I don’t have schizophrenia V. Try reading about the autism spectrum before jumping to that conclusion. GEESH!!

I ranted. The end.

Now I have to go back to studying. Funny how I get more studying done during my lunch break than two hours at home. I know why. šŸ˜‰

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