heart beating like a hammer

I feel claustrophobic.

Whatever I do is not enough…for me. I feel like the walls of my house are closing in on me. I asked one person for help. No help. Not that that would solve anything.

I signed up for overtime. Should I cancel doing overtime again to see about the volunteer opportunity (orientation and paperwork – what kind of paperwork? please not references….) I can do the orientation a week from Saturday which is what I wanted to do.

Ah, I’m going to the beach in 10+ days!!! With “stuff” going on I forgot about that. VACAY! A week off from work and a couple of days at the beach. That’s awesome. It won’t solve any problems but I will be in the moment. Screw everything else while I’m looking at the Atlantic Ocean. 🙂

I’m going back to 2.5mg on the Abilify. I have to call my doctor and tell him/ask him that. There is no way I’m staying on 5mg. If someone is having a bad experience with Abilify, always ask how much are you taking? That says everything. It would be impossible for someone to work 40+ hours a week on 10mg and some people are on more than that! I haven’t been back on the 2.5 dose enough to say much about it. I loved it before…

Now I have more of an understanding why they warn teens/young adults about suicidal thoughts when they are on anti-depressants..

You get on this med that gives you more energy and now what do you do with this new ‘energy’?

You have all these new thoughts. And maybe for some it is misdirected.

Btw, I’m not having more or less suicidal thoughts but I get it. 100%. You have to have something to fill the extra time.
I LOVE the online grocery store food. I already want to do it again but I have enough food for 3-4 weeks. Since there is a minimum order of $50 (thank Buddha – or I may go nuts), I probably won’t order again until September. I love the food from the bakeries. And yes the baklava is delish. I took a pic. heh. I will post it next time.

It is just a great way to try new food. I hate real grocery shopping. I get frazzled by the crowds…who knows maybe Kroger or even Walmart has some of the food but I don’t have the patience to maneuver the crowds to really look around.

Other than baklava, I got some recycle friendly trash bags. Score! They are kind of thin but at least they won’t stay on earth forever. My favorite item is the salmon patty. I had 4. Now I have one left. I can’t wait to order from them again.
Oh well if only I could stop being so damn restless….

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