Your Joy

For some people Christmas is their favorite time of year. That is my least favorite time of year. March Madness is my favorite time of year. It is here NOW! Two years ago I got the first two days of the tournament off. I was going to ask for two half days this year but then I remembered that midterms occur in March. I do have half a day Friday but my car needs a part so it doesn’t feel like much time off. They do have a TV so I hope it is on the tournament. If it isn’t on (and I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be) then I’ll go for a walk with my radio and listen to as much of the tourney as I can.

My therapist thinks it sooooo great that I love sports. Why? Because it brings me joy (lol) and more importantly, it comes every year. I never really thought about it like that. I do remember once thinking that I can’t kill myself because I wanted to see who would win the NBA championship. That was when I was 21 in college, living with roommates. But it is great. No matter how depressed I am, I’m not going to miss a sport I want to see.

The summer sucks cause I hate baseball. So all I have is the last of the NBA and golf. But in the summer, who wants to stay in and watch TV? The NFL might not be back on time but I like college football much more. I could live without the NFL. However, It would be weird to not have games to watch on Sunday.

I hate saying “my therapist” because it sounds so bourgeois (and I’m the antithesis of that!). Of course I imagine you (hi!) reading that and rolling your eyes. Well I am fortunate enough to have health insurance. It is currently affordable but they are getting rid of the plan soon. The co-payments last year were so high that I ended up cutting way back. Since I had a depression episode and I’ve seen one person with social anxiety who seems slowly cured…I don’t know her much so I don’t know how bad it was.

It is extremely rare to find a social anxiety success story. She probably doesn’t see herself as a success. Anyhow, I am inspired to get out more. I have a list of things I want to do AKA the bucket list. It is probably outdated.

My goal is not to have a social life. I just want to not have the anxiety and feel like I can do things on my own. That might not make sense. Example: One day I would like to go to a club and order a drink and not feel like I have to be social. That is the reason I don’t do a lot of normal things. People expect you to talk or they get offended. I don’t have a problem going to the movies alone or eating out alone. Although I haven’t ate alone in a while.

Sports hijacked this blog. I’m never going to get to what I’ve wanted to say for the pass 2-3 weeks.

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