My shadow

Eww, I just had to get offline. I think someone is using my bandwith. I’m not sure because it could have been a software/Windows update but I don’t think so. I just checked and it doesn’t look like anything was updating. Yes, I thought it was secure. Now I have to figure out how to find out if it is secure. I wasn’t doing anything on the net. Yet someone or something used 50MB (a lot since I have limited bandwidth) while I was working on a school assignment. I was using my textbook and then I went to check online to get more info and that is when I noticed that something was going on.

I have to get back online to finish this assignment (and to post this blog – lol).
Wellbutrin XL tastes nasty. I crush the pill and drink it in juice. From what I read online, WB shouldn’t be crushed because it raises the risk of side effects. I haven’t had any side effects that I know of. I was hoping this would I would be less tired but Friday I yawned once every 5 minutes. I swear. I hate that. Sometimes I yawn so much at work that my mouth hurts when I get home. Listening to music helps. Most of the time I have it on “shuffle all” because I don’t want to fidget with the iPod while working. So sometimes boring music comes on (JAZZ) and the yawning starts back up again.

Of course I know all about the placebo effect but I think this is working a little. All I know is that I have a presentation due Monday night, and I did it all last night. I was drowsy but I kept at it. Normally my ADD (more on that later) symptoms would have kicked in. I expected it to take half the time it did. Yet I didn’t procrastinate. I finished it. I didn’t surf the net. Didn’t take a nap (not really possible – when it is warm the neighbors are loud = sigh). I did do it while watching the NBA all star festivities. It wasn’t like I had no distractions.

Speaking of ADD, I finally finished reading Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey. I probably couldn’t get diagnosed with ADD since I had good grades in school. How lame is that? There are doctors with ADHD. Hello?? And school was all I had. So why not do well in it? I can’t believe SOME doctors are using that to diagnose adult ADD. Anyhow, after researching the medications for ADD (stimulants), I’ve decided to not even pursue it. I was supposed to make an appointment last week to get tested. I do know adults who (legally? Haha) use ADD meds to get through college or just a work day. But I don’t want to take a stimulant for many reasons.

Everyone (okay only my shrink and therapist) keeps telling me that what I have is not ADD. I’m having these problems because I’m depressed. Okay. But I still have the symptoms of ADD. I’ve been depressed for 10 years and anxiety for more years so it is odd to me that the “ADD symptoms” would get worse in the past 2-3 years. But depression/anxiety can mess up your brain. I would love to get an X-ray of my brain, but that is really expensive. The insurance company wouldn’t even pay 5% of that charge.

With major depression, you may have symptoms that make it difficult to work, study, sleep, eat, and enjoy friends and activities. Some people have clinical depression only once in their life. Others may have it several times in a lifetime.

Ok fine!! I’m just depressed. But I bet the ADD meds would still help a lot. I think these doctors are too caught up in labels. My point is I have the symptoms of ADD. I don’t want the medication. Whatevs. Example: I hate grocery shopping. I want it over ASAP. Yet recently I’ve had a hard time doing that. I will just wander around (without the cart)- not looking for anything or even looking at interesting stuff. That is a little strange.

I’m getting off track. I wanted to post some of the most helpful tips (FOR ME) from the book. I’m sure all of this can be found online. Here are the notes I took from the book:

Keep a basket just for keys
Buy lots of wastebaskets and trash cans
Do what you are good at. (LOL! But what if that is nothing, sir?)
Find a good accountant and lawyers.
Get regular physical exercise
Try Juice plus+ (too expensive), and/or Reliv,
Eat vitaman C – not the vitamins, get it from food
Drink lots of water – lowers sodium also
Omega 3 fatty acids

I recommend the book to adults with ADD (link above). The author is a PHD and has ADD and he does not use medicine to control it.

Back to work. My therapist thinks I’m taking too many classes. However, at the time I registered I had no idea that whatever I have (major depression, okay) would get this bad. I did drop one class before school started. I wished I would have dropped 2 classes. What’s wrong with me? Thinking I’m capable of what normal people can do……:(

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