full disclosure

I’ve been a bad, bad girl in so many ways. Guess what is hooked up to my computer with no music on it? An Apple iPod classic 160 GB Black (7th Generation). 🙂 (Black not silver, of course) I don’t know where to begin with this one. There is no justification. Btw, I got it for $50 less at Best Buy. I think Amazon plays with the pricing a lot for some reason. I’ve had nothing but bad experiences with iPods so….The last one I had was 6 years ago. I returned it within a week and swore NEVER to buy anything from Apple again.

I had to go 7th generation to get the GBs I wanted. There was no way I was going to pay $250+ for a 32GB player. That wouldn’t hold all my music so what’s the point? I probably have about 60GB of music or more. I guess I will find out once I get the iPod filled. I remember it taking FOREVER to get all my music on there last time and that was 6 years ago. It has been soooooo long since I’ve had all my music with me. I love that feeling. LOVE IT.

I’m obsessed with music. It is my first and only true love. (Sorry pets – sometimes you make me mad). It never gets mad at me. Never asks for anything. It is always there. And it makes me feel like I’m not alone. Music is the only thing that does that. I’ve been head over heels since I was 8 years old. That is when I first started listening to the radio. Now I never listen to music on the radio. I only listen to NPR and sports talk.

Can I afford it? Nope. I mean it’s not like a bill won’t get paid this month… (Here comes the “but”). But I haven’t brought any new clothes or books in months. blah, blah.

I just hope it works!

Onto more serious stuff. I brought the iPod today for a reason. WORK. I would have eventually brought it anyway. It was bad today. Not PMS bad but bad. I walked out after I just couldn’t stand those um, women talking crap. It’s constant. They sit less than 5 feet from me. If they didn’t want me to hear, they could whisper. They do that sometimes. IMO, that’s respectful. Fine, they have social-itis. They are going to talk but do you have to be so loud? Do you have to let the person hear you?

(verbal taunting – look it up ladies)

So I went to work somewhere else. I could think. I’m doing brand new stuff so CLARITY is important. For example, yesterday I was doing the same old stuff I’ve been doing for a year, that crap didn’t bother me as much. Unfortunately this going into another room to work isn’t approved so uh, I could get in trouble. It’s not like I can do it everyday. I wouldn’t dream of doing it tomorrow. It is only when I’m FED UP. I’m going to try my best to NEVER go back there. I wish I felt great about not running away but I don’t have a good track record.

What would I do if that room wasn’t available? Take a looooooong break …something else that isn’t approved. I ended up leaving an hour early. I was “sick”. Yeah mentally fatigued. About to break. If there were such a thing as a nervous breakdown I would have had one by now. Being in school is not helping. I have to make the time up tomorrow. I wish I would have stayed. I hate nothing more than making up time.

I’m going to see my shrink next week. I have a solution in mind. 🙂 It’s legal but will he go for it. He better. He isn’t much of a talker. I guess that is what you get out of a HMO 15 minute meeting. I have so much to say. I’m going to have to write it down.

If this doctor appointment doesn’t go as plan, I probably won’t “need” the iPod. I’ll explain it quickly. Music calms me in a way nothing else can. When I listen to it, other distractions fall away. And work doesn’t seem so bad. But there was a problem: I had my old 8GB Zune (microsoft) player on THE LOWEST SETTING POSSIBLE. Yes on “one” but my coworkers could still hear it!!! That would cause problems sometimes. It didn’t bother them (from what I’ve heard). But if they thought I was mad at something they did, they would think I was listening to the music on purpose. Uh, I don’t do that. Stop projecting!

If someone said something about me (negative, of course) and I played mt MP3 player they would seem to think it is about them. They think EVERYTHING I do is about them. No I was just feigning for some music. I’m sorry that even on the lowest volume setting possible, they could still hear.* There were many days when I wanted to listen to music to calm me (or just boredom) but I didn’t. Now if I have the same problems with this iPod,I will try to return it. I only use my MP3 player at work and while grocery shopping. Music makes things I hate tolerable.

Here’s hoping this iPod thing works…until I find another “cure” for my ails. I just want to keep my job. This iPod is pointless without a job.

(*By the way, I don’t think it is the headphones. I am a semi headphone aficionado. I’ve tried all brands and types at least once. It was the damn MP3 Player. Zune is great but why can my coworkers here my music AT ALL on setting “1”???????? That shouldn’t happen).

Universe please help me through the 9+ hour day tomorrow. I know they will try to bait me (like today) but please help me get through…And please make my ipod work. 😉

I’m glad I did my homework early for once. I still have to study tonight though.

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