Psychologically fragile

Warning: PMS talk
I hate bad Fridays!!!!! %$*# One girl – MnX did one thing and it set me off. Not in a physically way but in a mental way. FUCK. I hate PMS. She knew it would affect me but I’m sure she had no idea that it would make me ask, “Why are people so mean?” (naïve – yes & not at all helpful.) Dude, I’ve done nothing to you but you are going to start with me when I’m already irritable?

MnX is one of those loud trouble makers. I can respect the quiet ones because at least I can ignore them and I think, “Well they could be loud and starting stuff but they aren’t”. MnX goes on rants about me. Yes me! To this day, she has never said why she doesn’t like me. (Of course I know why – You try being quiet at work, I mean real quiet and they might not like you either). One day she got into my face and sighed hostility. She didn’t say anything. What could she say? I haven’t done anything to her.

I had a chance to rat her out but I am against tattling. It’s a moral thing for me. My manager asked me has anyone been physically hostile? I paused, thought about the incident and slowly said “noooo”. (I know that incident isn’t like getting physically hit but someone getting into your face like that in a work environment? That shows signs of hostility and could lead to something.)

I don’t know why she can’t ignore me like everyone else does. It must be her personality. I don’t know. I don’t get it. As for me ignoring her: It’s hard! #1. She talks loud. #2. She just rants about me (or whatever) to anyone who will listen. I hate being the center of attention. It is so embarrassing. Since she is so loud, people in other departments begin to talk about me and asks questions. This happened today and yesterday. 😦 So the “others” (heh) have now started and I feel like I’m stuck. How can I stop this? Sigh.

Anyhow, PMS makes me feel like a freaking monster. The research says that it can get worse at 30. I’m not a normal 30 year old in any other way but in that way. Thanks a lot. It’s the pits. I don’t know what else to do. As if I don’t have enough issues. What do I deal with first? I’m trying to figure out which is more firable. That is the most important thing. Social anxiety, irritability (10x worse during PMS), depression, etc.

I’m going to see my counselor in 2 weeks or so. It isn’t working. She is fixated on social anxiety. Nothing else I say matters. But it’s not like I dislike going. I just need to be proactive because I’m basically a hamster on a wheel. Another issue is that I have so many issues that it is impossible to cover everything in one hour. That’s why I want an affordable life coach…I should be making an appointment with my shrink.

Well I did get some organizing done this afternoon. I wish I had a washer & dryer but oh well. I will be doing school work all weekend. I have been doing assignments but not much reading/studying this past week. No OT. I probably will go out on Sunday to the gym (if I don’t have my period 😉 )

No meditating on the people at work. And I will have to have a new outlook for Monday even if I am PMSing.

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