this is me swallowing my pride

There have been so many things I’ve wanted to say in this journal. During the week, I don’t have time. I wanted to talk about the call center fiasco situation. Then I said I would apologize to Ax. I feel really weird about that since I strongly believe someone at work is reading my blog….But here goes something. Lol

I have to take phone calls next week. It is no longer just about the fear of phones or talking to people. I’m frustrated and angry at the lack of organization. I had to make my own guide to do my current job. It took over a year and it still needs monthly updating. There isn’t an adequate call center guide. Once again, I’m going to have to do it on my own. PLUS I have to do the script the talking stuff since I don’t well…talk. But that’s not their problem, right? (Unless they actually care about customer service but that is another entry).

This is where the anger comes in. I told management that I’m telling the callers the wrong stuff. What do they say??? Um, basically “You’re doing great!” Huh? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m doing fine? They can’t hear the frustration of me or the callers. Management just acts like I’ve said nothing or that I’m exaggerating. No, I really did tell someone something wrong…probably more than once. But how would I know if there isn’t a guide?

How can I feel confident about doing customer service when I know I’m not doing GOOD customer service? Um, help? There isn’t much help at work.

Besides crying for the two days I was on the phone. Here is a recap:

  • I got hung up on twice because the (same) person couldn’t understand me. She was understandably pissed.
  • One woman was not nice even though I told her I was new. I understood some of it because I had to put her on hold to get an answer. But later in the call she was extremely condensing. She kept at it. That was the breaking point for me that day. I walked away from my desk, cried for a while, then talked to my manager about a different phone schedule.
  • One woman could tell I was crying as I was talking to her so she went out of her way to say I gave her good customer service. Thank you for that lie! (The rest of the people could not tell)
  • Another woman said she could barely hear me but she was going to try to talk to me because she had waited a long time. Um, ok.

I’m pretty sure I’m better at doing windows. (not Microsoft but real windows). I do have a different phone schedule this week but it involves DAILY phone calls but in short bursts. I kinda asked for it. I just hope that the first call on Monday goes well. When the first call goes bad, I really have to mentally regroup. Tell myself that I’m not some horrible person because I’m not a natural at this phone stuff.

I’m pleading with the call center universe (?). Please don’t let the first call suck. I’m at my best with the first call. Eventually that won’t matter but right now it does! Don’t tell me it shouldn’t matter. I KNOW! 🙂  I go in with a “I can handle it” attitude and when the first call is a disaster, I’m just lying to myself. I need to let the first call go…but then the second call is equally bad or worse. WTF am I supposed to think? I’m hoping this will get better.

At this point I don’t know whether to focus on creating a telephone guide, working on the anxiety part or just concentrate on scripting (aka the talking parts). It is Sunday morning and I am already overwhelmed. I feel like focusing on INFORMATION is the smartest thing even though I don’t have much to work with from home. I can’t feel confident if I don’t know what I’m doing. Can anyone?

I judged Ax and her social anxiety. It was wrong. It was hypocritical and just harsh. As people with SA know, people with social anxiety can be anywhere on the spectrum. I was harsh for the wrong reasons. What if “they” think she is the picture of SA? Who cares? Ax as a person is more important than what they think.
I was wrong, wrong, wrong for thinking about it that way. I’m only mentioning here because I posted here about it. I erased it 24 hours later.


One thought on “this is me swallowing my pride

  1. I don’t know the nature of the call center, so it’s hard for me to give advice, but it sounds like a good idea to get a good script in place. That should help you settle into the call and put yourself at ease, as well as the person on the other hand. Also, people can just be assholes, but I know it’s hard not to take it personally. I think people that hang up on you probably are frustrated with something else–the process, perhaps–and take it out on you. In the end, I don’t think it’s ever really as bad as you think it goes (I’m not trying to trivialize your problems, by the way).

    I think designing a script will help boost your confidence. Also, you know this, but constantly worrying about this, doesn’t help. When you start worrying, is there something you can do to take your mind off it? Maybe go for a walk or run? Read a book? Watch TV?

    Anyway, I hope you’re week goes well.

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