Just Do It

I’m not a fan of LeBron James at all. It’s a Washington Wizards thing not a hater thing. But his new commercial rocks.

DO YOU! Everyday there are people saying negative crap about you. If those people were happy, they wouldn’t be talking about you. Never listen them. I know that to be true yet sometimes I fail at following that piece of advice. I know they are full of shit. Haters. Jealous. They don’t want to see you succeed or change. They think you haven’t paid your dues but only if they really knew what you’ve been through.

Pleasing others will get you nowhere. What do you want to do? DO IT.

/end semi-motivational self

/Begin pessimism

Faith. There’s that word again. It is good to have faith. I don’t doubt this is true. I just don’t know what it would feel like. When someone instructs me to “have faith,” I automatically think, Surely you must be kidding. When you lose a parent young, you lose the illusion that a higher power is watching out for you. I long ago stopped believing that “things always work out for the best” or “everything happens for a reason.” I don’t have time for such platitudes. I’m too busy trying to ensure that whatever form of security I’ve managed to create for myself won’t be taken away again.

For people like me, a desire to “have faith” may still exist, but it lives far, far underneath the responsibilities of the everyday world and the omnipresent need to keep everything under control. To have faith, one has to loosen the grip on control, or at least on the illusion that one has control, and learn how to trust that someone else will provide. That’s the step I just can’t bring myself to take.

-Hope Edelman

Oh, how I love that passage from The Possibility of Everything: A Memoir. I think it’s easier to have faith if you believe in a god or have (a lot of) human support. It’s just me. I’m the only person I can have faith in and then what about the outside forces. Having faith in oneself sucks…haha. It’s just hard for me.

I definitely don’t believe “things always work out for the best”. LOL. I have yet to see that in my life. Instead all I see is me listening to negativity and fear and making the WRONG choice. Trust me, I have looked over my life and tried to find how a wrong choice turned out right. Nothing.

I do believe that “everything happens for a reason.” BESIDES DEATH. Don’t tell someone that their kid, friend, SO died for a reason. What reason could it possibly be?? I know some religions create reasons and if that is helpful, wonderful! But telling someone that seems inhumane to me. Other than death, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Even in my pitiful life. I have believed that before I knew what Buddhism was.

I’m in this situation for some fucked up reason. Hopefully I will learn something from it. That’s the way I take it.
I’m so tired. I’m going to take a nap before the first game of the NBA season starts.

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