I just had the most awesome tacos that I…

I just had the most awesome tacos that I “made” myself. Heh. I had no cheese, tomatoes, etc. Just meat and flour tortillas. Yummy. I usually have at least tomatoes but I knew I wouldn’t feel like chopping them.

I have to donate books tomorrow. I thought it was going to be easier. So far I have two going for sure. LOL. I picked up Lucky: A Memoir by Alice Sebold and I couldn’t give it away. (I was planning on getting rid of ALL of my non-reference books). But I flipped through it. And it brought back memories. I can remember where I was and how I felt as I read the story. It is an anti-beach book but I remember reading some of it at the beach. Sorry, this book is a keeper. I will get rid of at least 10 books.

It all came to a hilt today. I hate having bad Fridays. Sometimes it bothers me over the weekend. If I have a bad Thursday, I can pretty much guarantee the next day is going to be better. Not perfect but better. Now I have to wait until Monday. I can’t handle the waiting. I will be working a few hours of overtime tomorrow. By few I mean 3. But most of the people won’t be there and it is only 3 hours.

Allow me to bitch and moan here. The only place I can.

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY? Of all things do I have to have a social/mental issue? I sat back and watch two people with physical issues get wonderful treatment and they didn’t even ask for it!! The manager was like, “I can’t have you suffering everyday like this.”

EXCUSE ME? WTF. At least they had medicine that worked. Hello? This really bothers me. All the stats show that “shy” people make less than normal social people (normies for short – no offense meant). This stupid study comes out every year. Duh. People are always asked me, “What are you doing here if you have a college degree?” (This was at almost every place I ever worked. LOL. That is why I don’t tell people anymore). Um, because most jobs require TALKING, you idiots. And maybe some people suck at that. Maybe everyone isn’t like you. Just a thought.

I’m sick of people recognizing physical ailments but not mental.

Do you think the big boss THOUGHT for one second, “Hmm, some of these people might not be good on the phones?” NO just put everybody on. Holy shit! As an introvert, I would NEVER think that is a good idea if you care about your company’s customer service. Trust me, they do. I really want to know: Was it even a thought?

I’m so stressed over this and I’m not on the phones for 4 weeks. I had no idea that being in a call center environment would have this effect on me. But now I can see how obvious it should have been. ME in a call center environment? ROFL. I just want to scream. I can’t stand the frantic pace and everyone else freaking out because they don’t know what to do. I feed off their energy/stress.

Since I don’t have a physical ailment, I’m going to suck it up and I hope I don’t cry on every call. Because unlike the deaf woman (for example)* , I don’t have a choice. I’m not going to quit like a lot of people with social anxiety would. I have one person on record. I’m going to make them get rid of me. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

*I know most people would get offended by that statement but a person living with what I have would get it. The IT people offered to get her software so she could take calls. There was no conference. There was a quick, “NO!”. If I say I know sign language, is that like saying “I have black friends”. (Do those black friends come to your house? – sorry didn’t mean to go there).

I can’t communicate on the intellectual level that many of you do. All I’ve
wanted at any point in my life is to belong. But nothing has truly satisfied, not even church. I’m a loner. I think I’m going to get my act together- but I don’t have the motivation.

It means new beginnings and new beginnings are scary for me- especially feeling different from everyone not knowing why- but just recognizing my own differences- not formally diagnosed.

I began working in 2004 only working 4 hours a week because that’s all I could manage at the time. Sometimes it seems all I can do is try my best to survive.

– person w/Aspergers

What are we doing to help these people? Nothing. The overwhelming majority don’t care and only vote on issues that don’t personally affect them. I already knew that but to read that study (2008)…ugh it disgusted me. I think this is America’s #1 problem.

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