summercat

I will enjoy the last weekend of the summer at the beach. It is going to be much warmer than I thought. I wasn’t counting on that. My wardrobe is inappropriate. I thought I could get away with wearing my ripped jeans. I could only find one pair of shorts. I doubt I wear them since I don’t shave my legs. (I do occasionally shave my arms). I’m against shaving my legs and arms for the most part yet I refuse to really show them. My hairy arms are visible a lot during the summer. TMI, I know. 🙂

I can’t believe how much football I will be missing. This is the beginning of the season. The best part. I usually never go anywhere during this time of year. This is the first time, I’m going to miss…everything. I love football season. I can’t tell myself this is only “one weekend” because every weekend in college/pro football is unique. Some weeks there are no good college or NFL games but not this weekend. Yes I love my football. This isn’t a complaint (every other entry is full of them though). It is just a realization: Damn, I’m going to miss a whole weekend of football.
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To clarify my last entry a little. I know if I went to an OB-GYN, she would say,”Honey you have more than PMS, you have PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) “. I’m getting a little bored. Should I make an appointment with a doctor just to shock one? I love doing that. 😉 J/K. Anyhow, I think PMS just exaggerates my social anxiety. I hate going to the bank anytime but when I went this past week, it was the worse. I know the teller thought I liked him. People (especially men) misinterpret my timidness as admiration. heh. It was horrible. I couldn’t look him in the eye. He was passing me money and I wasn’t even aware because I was looking down. I never want to go back but the lady at work and sometimes my mom gives me checks (for Avon). I need to get the drive-thru down. It took me FOREVER to go to a fast food drive thru. I was so scared.

I was so tired when I typed my PMS entry. The bottom line is that it is harder to FOCUS during that time. If someone comes into a aisle I’m in doing a um, normal time I am jittery. But during PMS time, I have to get out because all my attention is on that person. Looking for anything is impossible. Thinking is impossible. The fight/flight part of anxiety happens quickly. I just flee from people ASAP. I don’t think about it.

This is what I hope to explain to my therapist next week. (I see her only monthly). I’m going to write it out in my paper journal.

I’m getting really tired. No afternoon nap today. I’m hoping to read, reflect and write this weekend. I’ll try not to think too much about missing football.

Work. Why is it always 1 mini social step and then 4 social steps back? I hate meetings. 😦

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