I Quit

I’m wearing my $559 Michael Kors glasses. Unfortunately, I don’t have vision insurance. Well, I have free vision insurance, which means the eye exam was free. Thanks to me having Triple A, the price went down. With my free insurance, the glasses would have cost $660.

Before anyone thinks Michael Kors was the problem, the frames only cost $136. The cheapest frames were $90, so I thought, why not go with MK? I had picked out light purple Liz Clairborne frames. They were on sale for $130, but the woman thought dark purple looked better on me. 

The reason why my glasses cost so much was due to me needing a progressive lens. Trifocals. And I foolishly let them put scratch-resistant lenses in. I wanted the blue light because all I do is sit in front of a computer for 12+ hours a day. I should have told the lady at Lens Crafter that my budget was $300. She just threw everything in and acted like $600 wasn’t a big deal.

I picked purple glasses, of course! I’m still getting used to them. I drove in them for less than 10 minutes. I like reading with them, but I’m still having problems seeing my work computer for my day job. Now I’m wondering whether the prescription is strong enough. My next eye exam is on July 4, 2022. I hope I don’t have to get new lenses. I will have real vision insurance next year, so it shouldn’t be as expensive.

I’m still having problems walking with these glasses. But other than that, everything is okay. I’ve never worn glasses before. Isn’t that obvious?

I’m researching so many things right now. I don’t have time for anything. That’s why I haven’t been blogging here as of late. I need a new PCP. I might take an ADHD test. BUT I might have Lyme disease and not ADHD. (They often get confused because some of the symptoms are the same). I had a tick bite years ago. I never got it checked out. 

I want a solution. Antidepressants aren’t helping, but my life is also kind of shitty. The only thing going for me is my dog and my business. However, due to my day job, I cannot spend as much time marketing my business. If it weren’t for my “old” clients, I wouldn’t have much business going on. 

I see my living situation and my day job as my main problems. Everything comes down to money. (In a capitalistic society, that’s a common issue). 

I’m fully vaccinated—no horrible side effects from the second shot. I had to get the vaccine later than most people because I was sick from gastroparesis. I feel bad for people who aren’t getting the second shot because they can’t take time off from work if they get sick. I took time off in advance in case I got ill. 

Update on my dad: He’s okay. He’s in a nursing home until my sister can find an independent living place for him. He has veteran disability benefits, so he can live there for free. Right now, he’s in Maryland. But, for some reason, he wants to be in Virginia. I love Virginia (I would love it more if it never snowed), but I don’t know why he wants to live here. He’ll be happy in an independent senior place because he likes to go out every day, and now he can’t. 

I feel like I have so much to say since I haven’t done an actual post in weeks, but I’ll be back in a week or two. Unfortunately, I don’t have control over my time. One week I’m working 45 hours. The following week I’m working 60 hours. No control. 

I’m so over people talking about critical race theory. On both sides. #random 

Weight update: I’ve been stuck at 107 pounds for the past few weeks.

This Week I…

Music of the week: Dave Matthews Band, Kelly Clarkson, Lana Del Rey, Mariah Carey, Natasha Bedingfield, Patty Griffin, Brandy Clark, Carrie Underwood

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Wimbledon, Grey’s Anatomy 

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crime Junkie, Generation Why, True Crime Garage, I Have ADHD, All In with Chris Hayes, Fresh Air, Murder in Alliance, Jury Duty: The Trial of Robert Durst, Paper Ghosts, Crimelines

Books of the Week: Currently reading –

I finished reading Somebody’s Daughter by Ashley C. Ford. Great book. It’s a memoir. 4.5/5. I could relate to so much of it. 

I also finished Demons Forever by Sarra Cannon (3.5) and No One is Coming to Save Us (4) by Stephanie Powell Watts. The book by Watts had many great quotes and 75% of it is great, but it’s too long.

I’m trying to finish a bunch of books from the library. My goal was to read 24 books this year. Well, I already passed that. 

Goal for Next Week: Post on my business Instagram 2 times next week. I haven’t posted twice a week in about a year. I don’t have a goal to keep this up. Social media is too time-consuming. I would like to post once a week. 

Weekend Plans: I finished working overtime for my day job today. I only worked about two hours. Now I have to work on business stuff. I’m not even going to try to get everything done today. I will be working tomorrow too. At least, the weather is nice. 

Have a great week! Thanks for reading. 🙂

June 2021 Overview

Here are a few entries from my private journal. I deleted some names. June was a roller coaster. Btw, there are probably a lot of grammatical errors. I type these entries on my phone.

June 3, 2021

Ugh! Overtime next week. Boo.

And I’m supposed to start with A next week. Sigh. Yes, it makes me angry. They are taking my rest, sanity and opportunities from me. 

I hate my day job. But thanks for the healthcare.

No therapy this week. Boo to that too.

I’m nervous. Nervous about everything. The unknown. Work.

My dog is laying his head on my pillow like a human. He’s such a sweet boy. 

Grateful for: free time today

June 6, 2021

I wonder if my therapist is guilty of gaslighting? Does she even know what that is? I barely know but she does question some of my experiences. I feel. 

I don’t often interrupt her but maybe I should instead of just nodding. 

Ugh. Tomorrow begins a non great week. I’m going to try to work most of my time on Saturday.

I meditated for two days in a row. That’s good.

Grateful for: nice walk with my dog

June 10, 2021

This is supposed to be about a possible gastroparesis business. 

I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing group classes unless I couldn’t see the people. Maybe. But I can do other things. 

I would like to slowly explore having a resource for people with GP. 

Right now I don’t have time. But I may have some time when/if the VA business slows down and I stop doing overtime. 

It just feels right. I don’t have clarity on getting a certification. Because that costs money and I know all the stuff won’t apply to me but I will learn a lot. Not that I have time right now for school. I need time and money. 

But I can provide free resources and support.

June 20, 2021

UGH! My mom kicked my dad out. The day before father’s day. I will never forget. At least we got to spend some time together yesterday. I took him to Walmart alone. Mom wasn’t feeling well. 

He gave me $20 and when a woman was asking (begging) for money, I gave her $2. Then my dad asked, “How much did you give her?” I told him and he gave me $2 back. That was nice. He never got his father’s day card, though. 

She’s too paranoid to live with. I wish I could buy a house. Or rent. I was looking on Zillow. So many nice places. But I’ve got a long way to go. 

Still don’t know about OT this week.

Hope my dad is doing well. I hope he has someplace to stay.

Fuck her!

June 27, 2021

Took my dog on an impromptu park trip today. It was nice but too many dogs there. I might do one more summer Sunday. 

My mom still sucks. If she knew he was sick, why did she kick him out? I wasn’t aware of how out of it he was. 

To play catch up, dad was found wondering in Pennsylvania. Luckily someone took him to the ER or called for an ambulance. 

So my sister is looking for nursing homes. So glad she is doing that. So grateful for that. And I told her that on Facebook. What my mom did was shitty. 

I’m supposed to be planning this next quarter or at least the next week. 

Grateful for: my sister

The end. These aren’t all the entries, of course. I journaled almost every day this month. LOTS of drama at the end of the month. I paid for my dad to have a hotel for 3 nights, but he didn’t want to pay for more nights or he really doesn’t have the money. He is in the ER (long term ankle pain and disoriented) until my sister can find a nursing home. I hope I can visit him this summer or fall.


Thanks for reading. Have a good week. Get some rest. 🙂

Light at the end of this long ride

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. But that’s every day. 

Let’s start with the good news first. One of my clients was paying me $18 per hour. My rate is now $20 per hour, but I had no problems with her rate. On Monday, she asked me to start charging her $25 per hour!! I was so shocked and thrilled. My rate should probably be $25 by now, but I’m too scared to do that, and I’m not doing that. 

In May 2021, I made the most money I’ve ever made in my business. That’s despite taking 5 days off for my birthday. I’ve been in biz for 18 months.

I just took a whole marijuana gummy. It probably won’t make a difference. I took a half of one last week for the first time, and I got zero reaction. Well, I got nauseous. With gastroparesis, my food doesn’t digest. Guess what? That includes edibles!! So I shouldn’t be shocked that I can’t digest weed in this way.

Update: About 3 hours later, I went into a pretty deep sleep, and I felt moments of maybe being a little high. I’m doing okay most nights with sleep so, I don’t know what good this medical marijuana is doing. 

I made a telehealth appointment with the pharmacy at the marijuana dispensary. It’s free. I just want to know what my options are. I’ve never smoked, and I don’t want to start now. And I can’t eat it. This dispensary has limited options. I’ve heard patches exist, but I’m pretty sure they don’t sell patches. 

I need glasses! I’m not sure if it’s because I’m malnourished or if it’s due to getting older. I have an eye exam scheduled for July 2. 

My weight is between 106 and 107. At this point, I would be happy at 110. But it isn’t about the weight. It’s more about being malnourished. I’m going to see a new PCP in July or August. I need to get labs done to make sure things are going okay. 

Some pretty big stuff is going on, but I need time to process it. I may blog about it later. 

This Week I…

Music of the week: Maria Mena, Bethany Dillon, Audrey Assad, Mariah Carey, Rachel Platten, Taylor Swift, Tori Kelly, Amy Grant

Maria Mena never misses. I love her.  

TV of the week:  The Handmaid’s Tale, Cruel Summer

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie, Generation Why, The Piketon Massacre, True Crime Garage

Books of the Week: Currently reading – 

Living (Well!) with Gastroparesis by Crystal Zaborowski Saltrelli

Demons Forever by Sarra Cannon

No One is Coming to Save Us by Stephanie Powell Watts

Goal for Next Week: I am back to meditating now. I’ve done it every day for two weeks. For next week, I just want to do well at my day job since a new period starts. I hope we don’t have required overtime next week. This week we had five hours. Next week will probably be the same.

Weekend Plans: Today is Sunday. Not the best weekend I’ve ever had due to other people’s actions. I’ve done most of my work for my clients, so I don’t have a lot of work to do today. I’m doing a little marketing for myself. I want to get some reading done. I’m looking forward to walking my dog later today.

Have a nice week! Thanks for reading. 🙂

Invest in My Happiness

I’m stuck at 105 pounds. I was up to 107, and then I did all that walking and hiking on vacation. Since then, I’ve been 105. I was down to 103 when I was my sickest. 105 doesn’t seem that great. I should weigh at least 125. But I’m happiest at 135.

It occurred to me yesterday that of course, I’m stuck. I keep eating the same things day after day! With gastroparesis, I don’t have a lot of food options. I cleaned out my freezer yesterday. I gave so much food away. I can’t eat it any longer. If I could processed food (like I used to), I would weigh at least 110.

I’m wearing a size four pair of jeans I recently ordered from ThredUp. I should have ordered size two. But I thought for sure I would gain enough to wear a size four. I did order one pair of size two jeans. I haven’t tried them on yet.

Anyway, I started a liquid multivitamin because most of the food I can eat doesn’t have many nutrients. I hope my body is absorbing the vitamin. With gastroparesis, the liquid could sit in my stomach. Who knows?

I’m so pissed at my workplace. They don’t want me to be great. We had a break from mandatory overtime this week. But next week, I have to do ten extra hours. I’m physically and mentally sick. PLUS, I’m running a business. I hate them!

How am I supposed to ever leave and get my business off the ground if I’m always working for them? They are hiring more people (temps, I think) BUT training is 6 to 8 weeks. Does that mean we have eight more weeks of working 50 hours a week? Just shoot me.

If I were 25 years old with no major illnesses and no business, I would be OK with working extra hours. However, that is not my life.

I’m supposed to get my second COVID vaccine next Saturday. I took that the following Monday off in case I have side effects. I decided to get the vaccine because my GP (gastroparesis) isn’t that bad right now. I can eat without vomiting, and I’m not as nauseous.

My medical marijuana card should be here in 20 days or so. Weed will be legal here in July, so I don’t know if I will use the card. That might help with appetite.

I had a great trip with my dog. I’m bummed that I’m back. LOL. The cabin was nice. I loved the beaches. One was better than the other. The one farther away (about a mile) is really nice. It was pretty much empty. I had one conversation with a lady about my dog. Other than that, I didn’t talk to anyone.

I slept and read a lot. I walked about 5 miles a day. That’s the only way to get to the beach. It isn’t accessible for people with problems walking. Next year, I’m going to the actual beach or a different state park. State parks are cheaper, which is why I went this year.

My dog and the beach don’t get along well. And only expensive hotels accept dogs. I went in 2019 with my dog. He growled at every dog in the lobby. It was embarrassing. At one point, I thought they might say he was too aggressive and kick us out! One of the workers (from the kitchen, I believe) was complaining about my dog barking. Not good.


Music of the week: Jewel, John Mayer, Joss Stone, Mariah Carey, Taylor Swift, Amy Grant, Ariana Grande, Bishop Briggs

TV of the week:  The Handmaid’s Tale

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Confronting Columbine, Abraham Hicks Daily, We Can Do Hard Things, Generation Why, The Piketon Massacre, True Crime Garage

Books of the Week: I’ve read so many books since I’ve done a list here. I don’t have time to list all the books here. Currently reading –

Living (Well!) with Gastroparesis by Crystal Zaborowski Saltrelli

Demons Forever by Sarra Cannon

Goal for next Week: Start meditating again. I used to be so good at it. I haven’t meditated for two days straight in a month! Next week is probably not a good time to stat with work and all, but I’ll try. I also want to keep journaling in my ‘private’ journal.

Weekend Plans: I just got back from walking my dog. It’s so hot and lovely. I went grocery shopping earlier today. I will probably work for about an hour this evening. My clients keep giving me new stuff to do. Tomorrow I’m going to try and take it easy because I know next week will be hell with the mandatory overtime.

Thanks for reading. Have a great day. 🙂 If I don’t update it’s probably because they are working me to death.

Had a great bday vacay

Here are a few pics:

The beach AKA The Potomac River
My dog on the porch at the cabin

The outside of the cabin

Some of the steps we had to climb to get from the beach to the cabin. We were hiking! My body ached, but it was a good time.

Thanks for looking. Have a great week! 🙂

Right Words, Wrong Time

Today is my birthday. Tomorrow I’m leaving on my trip, and I haven’t packed one thing!! I’m going around noon, so I have a little time.

I weigh 107 pounds which is better than what it used to be. I was feeling pretty good, but on Saturday, I ate some chicken, and I don’t think chicken likes me anymore. Now I’m a bit nauseous, but I don’t feel too bad. Plus, I’ve been taking my nausea medication.

I ate my birthday meal from Denny’s (don’t judge). The cinnamon pancakes were awesome. The rest of the meal was average. I also took my dog to the park. We had a great time.

I went to the GI doctor on Wednesday. Well, she’s a nurse practitioner. She’s outstanding. I like her. She has a plan for when my gastroparesis flares up again. I don’t like the plan because it involves a medicine I tried before, but it’s a plan.

I’ve got to go, so I’m going to post a few entries from my ‘private journal .’

May 11, 2011

So overwhelmed with work. I feel like no one understands. It’s fucking hard to work ten extra hours. I’m so over it. Today I didn’t make my numbers, but yesterday I did.

I can’t believe C (an ex-client of mine) is really gone. Well, I wish her well.

Ugh. I have to cancel my sauna appointment. It’s probably for the best considering weight loss.

One thing I’m grateful for: I was able to eat burger and fries again today!

Now I’m off to the treadmill.

May 13, 2021

I’m so sick of my paranoid mom. She’s so tough to live with. I know it could be worse. But argh!

So sick of working. Thankful to be off next week. It’s just not right. They are trying to take all my time.

Unsure about the whole self-employment thing, especially when I’m working so much.

I wonder is the Paxil making me so tired or is it my body. Am I malnourished? Do I need vitamins? Should I email J (my dietician)?

Grateful for: Tomorrow is Friday!

May 15, 2021

I worked overtime today. At least I don’t have to work tomorrow. Last year on my birthday, I worked a little for C.

I also went to Walmart today. I spent too much on trip stuff. I haven’t started packing.

Tomorrow I’m planning on going to the park. It’ll be my birthday! I just don’t want to spend all day in bed because I do enough of that.

Good time for a break. I feel like I need to reevaluate things. Everything.

Grateful for: my dog!

Thanks for reading! Have a great week. 🙂

Trying My Best


7 days until my birthday

8 days until my bday trip

I may be blogging more with shorter entries. Not sure. Anyway, I’m feeling better. I’m not at 100%. But I do feel like I can go on my trip next week.

The last time I weighed myself, I was 105 pounds. Still not healthy and very underweight for my height. But at least I’m not losing right now. I lost all my muscle. My body is achy and tired. I’m so thin. Too thin.

I went to see my PCP on Tuesday. She didn’t do anything. So I’m not going back to her. My therapist told me to go to my PCP, but I knew it was pointless. The doctor just said, “I wish I could put some weight on you”.

I go to the GI doctor on Wednesday. Since I’m feeling a little better, I’m nervous about that visit. When I made the appointment, I felt like shit, and I wasn’t eating. Now I’m eating/drinking five to six small meals a day. Snacks and smoothies count as “meals” in my diet.

My mom was supposed to go with me on my trip. Now she won’t be able to come. I am not going to lie. I’m kind of glad to be alone with my dog. BUT she could’ve helped out with packing and once I’m there. Now I have to do everything on my own. Ugh. I hate cleaning. LOL. I’ll have to do the dishes after every meal. Haha.

I’m currently working on my packing list. It seems like it is going to be so long. If I weren’t working so much, I wouldn’t feel as overwhelmed. I don’t know if I have to work overtime next week. I really hope not, but I would be shocked if I could only work 40 hours. We are really behind.

Work is always a stressor for me. Imagine being told you have to work 50 hours! MORE STRESS. It is not helping me. (I am making more money, of course. But my health is more critical than overtime money).

The company treated me like shit for taking ONE day off to go to urgent care. I’ve been sick since July 2020. I worked every day. SICK. I was vomiting while working. FUCK THEM.

I should have been on disability years ago. But I thought it was nobler to work. I no longer believe that. Being on disability has a few drawbacks. I could still have my business, but that would cut into how much money I would get. Besides, I don’t know if I would get approved.

Oh! I got approved for medical marijuana. I’ve never tried weed, so I’m a little nervous about it. Weed will be legal here in July, so I won’t need to renew the card next year. Anyway, marijuana helps with stimulating appetite, nausea, and sleep. I desperately need help in all those areas. I haven’t gotten my card yet. Going to the dispensary will be quite an adventure.

I’m excited about my birthday trip! I get that whole week off. I’ve been working nonstop since February 2020. I NEED A BREAK.

I’m not sure I’m going to blog before the trip. I have some ‘private’ entries I may post here. There’s nothing really private about it. I do have to remove names of people and places before I post, though.

Thanks for reading! Have a good week. 🙂

Not Dead Yet

This will be kind of short. I weigh about 105 or less. I’m too scared to weigh myself.

I didn’t go to work on Friday (more on this later). I went to the urgent care instead. I had been vomiting more than usual. I wasn’t eating. Etc. They didn’t do much because I wasn’t dehydrated or anything like that, although I am underweight. And I have high blood pressure.

The doctor gave me nausea medication. But he only gave me seven pills. Now I have to figure out which doctor to call to get more. The GI doctor? My PCP? Or someone new?

I have an appointment with the GI nurse on May 12th. That’s too far away, but what can I do? Sigh. The medicine they gave me caused the vomiting, so I stopped taking that after two doses.

As of today, I’m eating a little. Four small meals/snacks a day. That’s on a good day.

About work, I’ve been sick since July. I took ONE unplanned day off, and they questioned me about it!!! One day! Do they know how sick I’ve been? I’ve been sick and busting my ass for you! I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

I’m not going on FMLA right now. Right now, I want to go on my birthday vacation with my dog on May 17. That is all I care about. I have to keep my weight up or around 105, so I can go on this trip. I NEED this trip. This may be the last trip I’m able to go on. Who knows?

I might be applying for a medical marijuana card. Weed helps with appetite and nausea. I have my appointment for May 4th, but I haven’t paid yet.

I never thought I would want marijuana so badly, but things change. I’ve never tried it before.

I’m rushing this entry. I have a ton of work to do. I kind of hired someone in my business because I can’t do this shit alone anymore. I just hope she’s good. People say they can do things when they have no idea how to do it. I hope I don’t have to fire her.

I’ll be back later. Hopefully, my thoughts will be more coherent.

Have a nice week! Thanks for reading. 🙂

Am I Dying?

This won’t be a long entry.

I weigh under 108 pounds. I’m losing weight so fast. I’m sick. I can’t eat. Gastroparesis is kicking my ass.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. Right now, I’m working my ass off. I might take unpaid leave (FMLA) if I have to. I might go to the hospital if a doctor tells me to go.

I’m on a two-week medicine for gastroparesis, but it’s not working. Monday is my last day on the medication. I’ll be glad to get off the medicine. What if that’s messing up my stomach more? It’s possible.

So some people think my organs are shutting down. (How dramatic!) Some people think I should do this or that. Whatever.

My dog is clinging to me. It’s like he knows how sick I am.

I haven’t canceled my birthday trip. I don’t think I would get any money back, so I probably won’t cancel. I might give them a heads up as a courtesy. I’m supposed to leave on May 17th for that. If it were today, I would still go even though I’m weak.

I should have some plans in place within a week. I don’t know.

Current Events: I am probably in the minority, but I don’t think the defense is doing a horrible job in the Derek Chauvin trial. I hope the jury isn’t falling for it, though. Plus, the defense hasn’t even started calling their witnesses.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Joss Stone, Miranda Lambert, Yola, Caylee Hammack, Charlie Puth, Ellie Goulding

TV of the week:  Fatal Vows, Mrs. America

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie, Tara Brach, So You Wanna Be a Witch

Books of the Week: Finished reading (sorry – no links today)

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig – 5 Stars. I could relate so much to Nora. Perfect timing.

Murder of Innocence by James Patterson – 4 stars. Okay, if you like true crime. Nothing special.

Save the Date by Monica Murphy – 3.5 stars. Good book to read in a day if you’re sick. Otherwise, skip it.

Weekend Plans: TAXES. I’ve never paid so much taxes in my life. If I feel like walking, I may mail my self-employed taxes off this weekend since I can’t pay online yet. Next weekend I’m going back to working seven days a week UNLESS I go on FMLA. They are bringing back mandatory overtime. I might try to get a doctor’s note or something. I can barely work 40 hours for them. Seriously.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week. 🙂

It’s not worth looking for

WordPress tricked me, so I will have this domain for another year. I will not renew next year. I already canceled.

I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital this week. I’m glad I didn’t. I have a $400 copay for the ER, so I’m going to try to avoid that at all costs. Besides, what would they do? Give me enough nutrients and send me on my way. FOR $400. 

And then I would have to go back every time I get stressed and can’t eat. I’m not paying all that money. I couldn’t eat or drink on Wednesday. Then on Thursday, I could eat dinner. I lost 2 pounds*. I’m down to 113 pounds. However, that’s not the point. The point is that my body isn’t enough nutrients. I’m also eating too much sugar, which I think maybe causing me diabetes. My dad has diabetes. 

*I lost one pound from going to the sauna. But I’m not going to stop going since I paid in advance. If I’m already weak that day, I’ll cancel. But otherwise, it relaxes me SO MUCH. It is totally worth it. I felt so stress-free when I went on March 21. I almost felt happy for the first time in nearly a year. 

I think stress made me sick this week. On Monday, I was arguing on the phone with the radiology company. They claimed I didn’t pay the $60 bill. I did. I can prove it from my bank account!! But they don’t care. I’m letting this go and letting another company take care of it…for now. I hope they don’t send the bill to collections. My credit score can’t take stupid hits. 


And then on Tuesday, a new psychiatrist wouldn’t give me a different medicine that I NEED so I can take medicine for gastroparesis. I’m dying here. Please just give me the medicine. Whatever. I will just go without an anti-depressant if I have to. I see my local psychiatrist on April 5. This will be my last attempt at working with these assholes. 

All this and the medicine might not work. ARGH! But at least let me try the medicine. 

In conclusion, all the above stress plus the regular stress from working and my living situation just shut my body down. I couldn’t eat, sleep or drink. I could barely walk my dog on Thursday. I had to walk really slowly.

 I didn’t want to blog about all this because it is bringing back the stress again. And I have to pay the IRS $513. Remember, some of this is due to no fault of my own. Of course, I have to pay self-employment taxes. To pay my taxes, I have to borrow someone’s printer, go to the bank and get checks, buy stamps and then mail the taxes. I had to write out the steps so I wouldn’t get too overwhelmed. I’m taking off 2 hours to deal with the tax stuff. 

I don’t have time for this shit. I’m always working. I live in a heightened sense of stress all the time. That’s not healthy. Hell, that’s why I got sick this week! My body can’t take this anymore. 

I just hope I don’t have to take an Uber to the hospital. That’s the goal for now. Everything else doesn’t matter. Oh, and I hope I can go on my birthday trip in May. I can’t afford to take time off for the hospital. And I can’t afford the bill either. 

Current Events: Update on the Derek Chauvin jury selection: They now have enough women. I’m still slightly worried that mostly women or black people will be alternate jurors. That would not be good. I think there are 3 or 4 Black jurors. The Hispanic guy got kicked off because he couldn’t get the settlement off his mind. There are also multiracial people on the jury. Anyway, I was so worried because, in the beginning, it was all white males. The trial starts tomorrow. I will not be listening live because I have training at work at that time. I’ll probably start listening to the “replay” at noon.

This week I…

Music of the week: Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Ariana Grande, Tori Kelly, Lennon Stella, Amy Grant, Arlissa, Ashanti

TV of the week:  Fatal Vows

Podcasts of the week: Dateline, Truth and Justice, Undisclosed, Crime Junkie, Tara Brach, So You Wanna Be a Witch

Books of the Week: I finished reading –

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen 4.5/5 Very informative. It made me think of things I never thought about. I’m asexual, btw. I don’t think about sex. Ever. So it was interesting reading how “normal” people experience sex being all around.

Weekend Plans: I’ve worked all weekend. I’m exhausted. I will try to rest today. Taking only one day off a week is not really helping me, but I’ll keep doing it. After I finish blogging, I’m going to try to print my taxes off on another printer. It’s supposed to rain, so my dog and I may not get a walk today.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🙂