Private entries – November part I

October 28, 2019

O god. I just applied for a job at H.  Work at home. really want it, but there was an assessment. Ick. It wasn’t too bad, but lots of are you a loner type questions. LOL. I told them $18 was my minimum.

I’m worried about how astrology 101 is going. Why can’t I just let go? Because I feel like I scammed people by promising a transformation. I just want to teach astrology. I’m not sure I’m a good teacher. I might just make an astrology 101 eBook for $15.

Gotta go do stuff. Day one of no social media is okay. So weird with no Twitter.


 

October 29, 2019

Sigh. I was happy for a moment. I thought I didn’t have to pay taxes, but Teachable is going to send me a form, so I have to file it, right? Groan. Fuck. Fuck. Life could be so much simpler if I didn’t have to worry about that. Hmmm. To get a CPA or not? That is the question. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. If I could talk to someone. I might have to ask the tax lady the question. Yeah, I’m definitely going to be there.

Listed more things on Etsy, since work was so easy. Tomorrow I have to mail the money to the landlord.

Whatevs. fuck


October 31, 2019

Ugh. Every entry is ugh. I feel a bit out of it for various reasons. It’s 80 degrees. Hot. Fuck. Don’t like that. D is acting like an a-hole, but not completely. She is the queen of passive-aggressive. I learn from the best or worst. Capricorns…ugh!

Trying to be positive. Listening to Gabby B. But it’s hard when you feel like your “baby” is shit. You know? Sigh. Oh vey. There is such a thing as too much optimism. Too much wanting to do that thing. I will somehow survive this. Yes, I will.

I’m obsessed with S seeing my story. I was on break for almost 4 full days! Now I’m back, and is S still there? What if she hates it? Why am I making so much of this? I probably moved down her list because I didn’t post for 4 days. But how do I know? I know one day she will stop and that will suck. STOP FREAKING OUT!

I think this heat is getting to me, and it’s “only” 80 degrees. I’m going to rerecord now. Bye!


November 1, 2019

Today was a roller coaster day. But I did take a secret walk with Baylor while listening to Gabby. That was nice. But I just want to be left alone, and I know I can’t be alone because that costs money.

S. just cemented that we have no friendship. I go from “What a bitch” to I get it. Sort of. Whatever. Boundaries. I cut the cord with her first. Just saying.

Sick of having to feel like I have to do this course, but I will try to have a good attitude tonight and move forward. I just want it to be GOOD and over!

The Miranda Lambert album is sooo good!


November 3, 2019

Well, I just signed up for business coaching with what’s her name. Honestly, I can’t remember. I’ll check my phone. L. $100 gone. But I pulled the 9 of pentacles, so there’s hope. I hope she helps. Not sure about the trade. If she trades for an audio reading, I’ll do it. If she wants live, probably not. Not happy about the 9 Pm time. I will now sign up for 7 her time. That’s 8 my time. Duh!

My astrology course is done for this week. I’m still going to rerecord the houses despite what everyone would probably say. Overwhelm town. Gotta go. I didn’t plan for the week.

Adios


Yes, this says November entries, despite most of these entries being from October. LOL. I’ll be posting more from my “private entries” because I post quick stuff over there instead of here.

I’m not crazy or anything

Since I’m not going back to the park until March, I thought I would share some pics from our (my dog and me) recent visits to the park:

IMG_20191120_104731890_HDRIMG_20191120_105611818_HDRIMG_20191120_105441653_HDR

I usually only post pics to Insta. I keep forgetting to post them here. And here is one video of my dog running on the soccer field, which is probably illegal. 😉

So much is going on. I don’t know where to start. Blah. I’m mostly working on my online biz. I’m 100% committed to that for having a part-time income. I probably need to focus on one thing at a time. I have so many ideas. I’m definitely what people call a visionary. I hate details, but I can see the big picture.

Anyway, sigh. I think I’ll post some “private” entries soon. I feel all over the place. I don’t know what to say right now. Oh, my dad is coming back to living with us. He should be here soon. He was overseas. He doesn’t understand boundaries. NO, I’m not taking you anywhere during the week after I’ve worked and then I still have to work on my online biz for at least 3 hours a day.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ellie Goulding, James Arthur, Miranda Lambert, Andra Day, Ashley McBryde, Beyonce, Bryn Cartelli, Caitlyn Smith

TV of the week:  Survivor, RHoP

Podcasts of the week: Don’t Talk to Strangers, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Why is This Happening, Mental Illness Happy Hour

Books of the week: I finished reading Her One Mistake by Heidi Parks. The ending wasn’t great. I predicted what would happen too early. But it’s still okay if you like thrillers or Big Little Lies.

Now reading –

Weekend Plans: I really am enjoying having four days off! My next days off are at the end of December. I have 3 days off then. I’m nervous about my dad coming back. Then I have to have my dog upstairs at all times. :/ I don’t mind him, of course. But I feel bad my dog has to be stuck with me. That’s not fair to anyone.

I might be back mid-week with “private” entries. I have to clean up those entries before I post. I use names too much.

Thanks for reading! Have a good weekend and week. 🙂

Treehouse

Can anyone explain to me why women are still putting up with periods? It’s BS. Okay, if I knew I wanted kids, I wouldn’t get on birth control to stop my period. I just wouldn’t. I’m not a doctor, but infertility is such an issue these days. I wouldn’t risk it by being on birth control for years. But I’m 100% sure I’m never having kids, so this isn’t an issue for me.

I’ve been on this BC for about two years, and now I haven’t had a period in TWO months. That’s a huge win!! I hate having a period. So I’m like, finally! I tried Depo Provera to stop my period. It didn’t work. It might be suitable for birth control, but ugh, it didn’t work for stopping my period. It made it worse.

So my point is, for a lot of women, having a period is voluntary. Why do they choose to have one? Have they been brainwashed? I have no idea. Anyway, I’m sure my period will probably eventually come back for a month or so. 😦 As long as it goes away again, I’m fine. This is the first time I’ve skipped two months in a row. It’s been every other month these past 6 months.

I’m not filing bankruptcy…as long as my bank account doesn’t go negative again. Unless something unexpected comes up, December should be fine. In January, some asshole is going to try to get $420 from me. I’ve already talked to him once. (Hence calling him an asshole – ha). So I have to ask the bank to stop the transaction, OR I’m going to be negative about $300 if my budget is right. I have to stop it.

Speaking of unexpected things, I should probably file bankruptcy for that reason. But I’m going to try not to. I just hope nothing surprising happens.

I’m working on a project for my biz. Unfortunately, it won’t be ready until February or March. It’s a 12 part series. I have to record 12 videos! So yeah, it’s a big project. I’m currently working on the sales page and getting excited. But I won’t feel like it’s really real until I finish recording the first video. After the first video, the other 11 will be a breeze.

I should have done this instead of working on an astrology course. I’m not rereleasing the astrology course until October 2020. I have to recover from this last release. Creating a course is HARD. No one really said that. They said, “A course is hard to sell.” Well, 6 people bought the course from me. So selling wasn’t the problem. It was the actual creating and teaching. ARGH. I want to say never again. But I kind of promised these 6 people, I would redo the course, so I will. And I’ll have a good time doing it. I just need a break from that.

Anyway, I’m really excited about the series. I just feel a bit anxious because I haven’t started creating the videos. Like I said, if I don’t make $3600 (in revenue)  next year, I will probably hang it up. I might try something different. Or I might take a year off and then come back to astrology or go into something else. I know other modalities. So I don’t have to stick with astrology. I just really like it.

Election 2020: Still bummed Julian Castro wasn’t at the debate. How dare Gabbard and Steyer be there, but not Castro? I loved the moderators. I feel like Kamala stood out the most (in a good way). Yang didn’t get much time. Booker was funny and made two good points (not that I was counting). Biden wasn’t good, but who cares? He could shoot someone on 5th avenue and still… 

I really enjoyed it overall. I watch the news too much to find it informative. I’m glad they didn’t spend too much time debating healthcare.

I don’t care about Trump, so whatever. I did watch about 50-60% of the impeachment hearings. I found that informative because usually when Trump is mentioned, I tune out.

This week I…

Music of the week: James Arthur, Tanya Tucker, Lana Del Rey, Ariana Grande, Sara Bareilles, Carly Rae Jepsen, India.Arie, Jessie Ware

I’ve been listening to Sirius/XM radio, so these results aren’t exactly accurate. (I can’t track what I listen to on there).  I have a FREE 3 month trial to Sirius. I plan to enjoy every second before I cancel.

TV of the week:  This Is Us, RHoP

Podcasts of the week: Don’t Talk to Strangers, Polyvagal Podcast, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines,

Books of the week: 

  • Her One Mistake by Heidi Parks – Liking this more than I thought. Well written
  • The Good Guy by Dean Koontz  – not sure I’m going to finish this. But his books do sometimes start slow. I just don’t have the patience for slow starts right now.
  • Letting Go by David Hawkins

Weekend Plans: – I worked for free at my day time. Then I worked on my biz. So basically working. I have astrology class tomorrow, so I will get some knitting done. 😉 I love that I can knit and pay attention. I’m just thankful that I may not have to get a part-time job. I need time to see if I can make revenue.

Thanks for reading! Have an awesome week. 🙂

If Walls Could Talk

I’m broke. Not fake broke like people in the middle-class people say. My bank account is going negative every 30 days. Luckily I work for a company that gives me benefits with this particular bank, so I’m not charged a big fee for overdrafts. I didn’t even know that when I switched banks.

Anyway, something has to change. I should just file bankruptcy. That’s the SMART step. I talked to a bankruptcy lawyer, but he was rushing, and I didn’t understand how much I had to pay him. I know it’s $300 a month, but for how long? Am I paying back any of the creditors? If so, then I may as well do what I’m doing, which is debt consolidation. Why should I stop paying my bills for 6 months AGAIN? I had to do it for debt consolidation. I’m a Taurus. It doesn’t feel good to NOT pay bills. It feels like shit, and I would like to not feel that way again.

I had to cancel Netflix. ROFL! Woe is me. I had to cancel my therapy appointment, and I will probably cancel my therapy appointment for December. I don’t have food enough for two weeks, but I’m “borrowing” from my mom. I say borrow because I will pay her back. It depends if/when I get a PT job. I applied for two. I passed the test and even had an orientation date for this Wednesday. BUT the hours are horrible for someone with a full-time job. The pay is $16 an hour for overnight but ugh, I NEED MY SLEEP. I’m on these new meds and sleep is necessary.

The medication situation is not that great. But that’s not important now. I can’t NOT take my meds or I will have nightmares. That means I’m waking up every 5 minutes. My legs shake. Etc. So I just keep taking the meds. I have to talk more about this later. The point is that the medicine makes me very sleepy and I have to take them.

Anyway, tomorrow I’ll be near a mall for hours while I get my car inspected. I can’t buy anything, but I’ll see if any of the big stores are hiring. Sorry, I can’t do the small boutique-like stores. I can’t. It’s hard enough being around people at all. The small stores terrify me. :/ But I feel like I could probably find a good small store that I like. I don’t know.

I’m going to work on my astrology stuff* for the first few hours. I’m getting to the dealership at 7:30 AM. I’ll probably work on stuff until 10AM and then head to the mall. It would be nice if my car were done by 10, but I know this place.

*I get paid my Teachable on December 1. I’m so pissed they are holding my money for so long. I launched the class 6 weeks ago. They did pay me $46 almost immediately, but they are holding the other money by the sales made by PayPal. So I do have that money coming in. Of course, it’s already gone, but whatever.

I’ll just be happy if my bank account doesn’t go negative again.

I’m off from work until Thursday! YAY. And then next week is Thanksgiving. Another two days off. Woohoo! I have calls scheduled with ideal customers all day on Tuesday. I hope I get good feedback. I hope one of these seven people is an ideal customer. I already talked to one person, and while she’s not my ideal customer,  she gave me a TON of ideas. She told me stuff I never thought about!

Btw, to be an ideal customer, the person must believe in astrology, searching for something more in life,  be open to learning about it and be spiritual. Sometimes I wonder about the spiritual part, but whatever. I also say “bonus points if you like thrift stores”. LOL. Seven calls???! I never talk to seven people in a day. I’m such an introvert. And most of these calls are taking place on Zoom! I know WTF was I thinking? So that is what I’m doing on Tuesday.

This week I…

Music of the week: Emily James, Taylor Swift, Lauren Daigle, Ariana Grande, Chris Stapleton, India.Arie, Jess Glynne, Lana Del Rey

TV of the week:  Survivor, This is Us

Podcasts of the week: True Crime GarageSo You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Why is This Happening?

Books of the week: 

  • Her One Mistake by Heidi Parks (thriller) This book is okay so far. It’s trying too hard to be like Big Little Lies.
  • The Good Guy by Dean Koontz (thriller) – I grew up on Dean Koontz, but I haven’t read him in years.

Weekend Plans: Well, today is Sunday. I’m just glad that I have the next three days off. I’ve been working on a plan for SWT (my online biz). I sort of have a clear goal of how I want 2020 to look. My minimum revenue goal is $3,600 for the year. If I don’t make that, I will probably hang it up. I’m relaunching the online course in October 2020. Yes, that is almost a year from now, so I’m not counting on that for money. I have a new idea that will launch this upcoming January. That is where I hope to make money. BUT I have to talk to my ideal customers first to see if my idea matches their wants/needs.

I’m going back to working on my 2020 business plan tonight….as much as I can without talking to potential customers. I have everything set up in Notion. Notion is a life changer. I’m not going back to paper planning EVER. It is the best invention, and I can’t believe I didn’t know about it until two weeks ago. I now have a bullet journal set up on there. Who needs paper? If you join using that link, you get $10 extra storage, but Notion can be easily used for free. It still has ALL the functions free, just less storage. You have to see it to know what I mean. In other words, I suck at explaining how Notion works!

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful week. 🙂

I let you mess with my head

I’m listening to Gabby Bernstein because people are fucking assholes. I want to rant about Libras and Capricorns. You already know how I feel about Aries. But Libras and Capricorns THINK they are nice, but they can be mean. I have never met a Libra I would consider nice. They are smart and look down on people not as smart as they think they are. They are full of sarcasm. I hate that. Condescending BS.

You know what? These fucking people aren’t worth my time. Obviously. Right? I had a good day on Friday and a decent, productive day today. FUCK THEM!

I always remember who starts things. Always. I DIDN’T DO SHIT TO YOU.

I HAVE SHIT TO DO.

I have two live (as in on video) tarot readings to do. Yes, I’m scared shitless. And I feel like these people are pulling me away from FOCUSING. I kind of tested myself and I feel decent. One reading is tomorrow (Sunday) and the other is Tuesday. I’ve got this.

Paypal Credit can suck it too! I’m not paying them this month. I don’t have the money. I was going to pay them $30 or $60, but that doesn’t cover the minimum. My therapist would congratulate me on not paying. LOL! I will pay them eventually. I hope it is within 3 months. Ideally, it would be within 2 months, but I don’t know. I will work out some monthly plan. I won’t die…hopefully. I know they won’t die. But I don’t want to get more than 3 months behind.

I have shit to do. That should be my new motto. I’m ignoring (starting right now) certain people on social media. That sounds silly, but these people aren’t my friends. We don’t have any other connections. Oh, there is one person in real life getting on my nerves. I wish I could ignore her. Haha. Not possible.

We were never friends. I know that. She definitely knows that. I’m not good enough for her because I have no money. Okay, that was totally WRONG and snarky. I’m not a Libra, no need to act like that. I hope she isn’t vindictive like a Scorpio. I couldn’t take that.

I think Scorpios get a bad rap. Once they do the work on their past hurts, they can be awesome healers. I like their intensity. However, an unhealed Scorpio can be scary.

I needed to vent and rant. Lovely blog. I love my blog. Okay, that’s sarcasm. I love Gabby Berstein and my dog. Marie Forleo is okay too. 😉 I want to say Marie is my business role model, but I keep thinking I’m not like her. She’s an extrovert. She helps people start businesses. She can talk. etc.

Election 2020: I’m kind of sad that Beto dropped out of the race. I didn’t like that he called Elizabeth Warren ‘punitive’. He is too moderate for me, but I liked him on the debate stage. So freaking bummed that Castro won’t be on the debate stage on November 20th. And then there is Bloomberg. Whatever. Next.

This week I…

Music of the week: Miranda Lambert, Natasha Bedingfield, H.E.R, Ariana Grande, Lauren Daigle, Alessia Cara, Backstreet Boys, Beyonce

TV of the week:  Survivor, The Devil Next Door

Podcasts of the week: So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines

Books of the week: I’m rereading  Everything is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo. I’m also rereading Super Attractor: Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams by Gabby Bernstein. At first, I wasn’t crazy about Super Attractor. Now I can’t get enough. I’ve probably read it three times. I will probably read it 10 more times before the year is over. Who needs new books?

I need to finish Letting Go by David Hawkins. It’s about surrendering negative feelings. Think I need to do that. 😉

Weekend Plans: My therapist is nuts. She wants me to walk my dog twice a day for an hour. I don’t do the cold. I don’t leave my house when it’s cold. I hibernate. But you know what? I’m going to do it. I will walk him right after lunch and right after work. Did I mention that I hate the cold? I sort of hoping it rains on some days just so I have an excuse not to walk.

Tomorrow I’m taking my dog to the park in the morning. I’m really doing it because I want to get my mind off doing the video tarot reading. If I stayed in, I would probably drive myself crazy.

I hope I can get of my mind, tune in and give a good tarot reading tomorrow.

Private entries – October

October 13

OMG. I’m being a big procrastinator. THREE people have enrolled in the course. I should be working on that right now. Instead, I’m doing 50 other things. Hello, procrastination. I want to finish module two today. How likely is that to happen? And I want to have an email ready to send to students (how weird is that?) on Wednesday morning. I have so much to say. I’m so glad this exists. I will try to never take time from work to write here. Breathe. Get back to working on module 2 – something that matters!!

October 15th

Oh god. Today was a day. Jackasses somehow used my debit card and charged $370 worth of stuff on my debit card. To make matters worse, the astrology guy still took money out of Paypal even after I emailed him to NOT do that. Jackass. I called to file bankruptcy, but I don’t think I will. FUCK. Sometimes I feel screwed for life. But maybe I should consider Chapter 7 bankruptcy, but I don’t want to stop paying my bills AGAIN. Been there, done that.

Sigh.

Was trying to figure out this whole business taxes thing. But who cares at this point? I don’t know whether I’m a business or not. I think I am. I’ll figure that out later. Working on horoscopes while watching the debate tonight.

Oh, and I now have 6 students. The good news!

October 17th

Ugh. I’m watching RHOC. So not good with the sex talk. ick. over it. The drinking and sex talk. Anyway, it’s cold and I’m loving it. Have to do the tarot reading at 6. Recording it at 7. Then more stuff in my Etsy shop. Tomorrow is Astro 101 course stuff. I have to rerecord some of the moon stuff and add it to the zodiac section. Blah. That isn’t until week three.

What else? Someone asked me about my class. Have to respond. My IG story’s views are at an all-time low. Weird. Hmmm. Used to 150+ looking at my last story. Now I have 3. Not feeling super motivated to post in stories.

I hope I can make $300 a month on Etsy + SWT. That would be good. I think. Need to do a budget. Not sure how much Paypal is going to be.

October 21st

Today has been a day. I hate seeing my old entries here. Having all kinds of feelings about S being in the course. She is judging. She’s judgemental. On the other hand, she is forcing me to make the course “better”, but at what cost? I’m napping less. Maybe tomorrow will be fine and I’ll be able to sleep. Working on the planets tonight. I need to take a social break. Thinking about doing it over the weekend. But I probably need it during the week.

FOCUS. Yes, focus.


I will occasionally do this especially when I don’t have time to blog here. These aren’t all of October’s entries. I will try to be back this weekend. Bye!

 

The pathway to surrender

I found a new way to journal. I LOVE it. All I have to do is email my entries in. Dabble Me sends me an email every day at 5 PM, and all I have to do is click respond and type. I wish I’d known about this before. I used to journal on paper, but now I can’t keep track of anything, plus I’m paranoid about other people reading it.

There’s a free version and a paid version. I don’t know all the differences between the versions. All I know is that with the free version, I don’t think a reminder email comes every day. I think it only comes once a week, which wouldn’t help me.

I’m taking a social media break.  😦 From Monday through Friday, no Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter for me. I will miss Twitter the most because I get most of my news from there. FB and Insta aren’t that big a deal. I can easily live without those.

What I really need is probably an internet break, but I can’t do that right now because I’m still working on the course I’m making. I rerecorded ALL of module 2. And now I’m re-recording the whole damn course. The good thing is that the slides are done. I just have to do my voiceover again.

I’m thinking about registering my business as an LLC. It’s not as expensive where I live compared to California. Where I live, it’s $100 upfront and then $50 a year. That’s cheap compared to other states. I just want to do what’s best for taxes. I’m attending a webinar with an accountant soon, so she should be able to answer my questions.

I don’t even want to think about taxes. First, I haven’t paid any taxes on the money from my online business.*. Then I did a debt relief program, so my taxes could be a mess. If the IRS wants money, I’m going to ask them for a payment plan if it’s over $200.

*I haven’t made a ton, but I still have to pay taxes on it. I need to find an accountant. I will probably ask around in a FB group. The lady that does my taxes doesn’t specialize in online business.

All I have been doing is working. I’m glad to be blogging right now. At least, it’s not working!

This week I…

Music of the week: Christina Aguilera, Taylor Swift, Jussie Smollett, Ariana Grande, Rachael Sage, Rachel Platten, Lissie, Maggie Rose

TV of the week:  Survivor, Real Housewives of Potomac

Podcasts of the week: So You Wanna Be a Witch, Crimelines, Online Business Made Easy

Crimelines is my new favorite podcast. If you like true crime, give it a listen.

Books of the week: Hopefully, with my social media break, I will find time to finish these books –

Weekend Plans: I’ve been working nonstop on free content for my biz. I wish I could take today off, but I have to complete horoscopes for November. I have to do an email to my email list. Etc. Etc.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! 🙂